Hi all!

This topic was not chosen by chance. When meeting girls, I noticed that not all of them can be interested in one way or another or hooked by communication. The appearance, image and behavior of a girl also plays a role, especially at the first meeting. But for a long-term relationship, I think it is necessary not only for guys, but also for girls to be interesting in communication and. How? Read on...

What to talk about with a guy when you're walking

First, let's look at the rules, then there will be specific topics of conversation.

If you want a guy to be interested in talking to you, then:

• Never interrupt when he is telling you something. Even if it’s not interesting, but the man is good and you need him.
• Always agree. And if you don’t agree with something, then say: “Yes, you’re right in some ways, but maybe I’ll do something like this because... what do you think?” or “Yes, I agree with you, but it seems to me that it would be better this way, because...”. Always justify your proposal this way.

• This point follows from the previous one. When talking to men or guys, always keep in mind that they are logical creatures. That is, they cannot think abstractly or chaotically jumping from one thought to another, they do not want to - it is not provided for by nature. At least most of them. And therefore, in order to talk to a man and make him interested in listening to you, always finish the thought of what was said with a specific result.

• You can say this: “Nice weather, isn’t it?” (no logic)
• Or like this: “The weather is good, let’s take a walk (or go to the park or a cafe, etc.), buy ice cream, go to the fountain, get some fresh air, chat. How do you think? Agree?" (everything is logical: good weather - walk - eat - talk).
• If a man disagrees with you and offers a better and more interesting scenario, then agree. This man is a real Male (very high probability), who will always solve all your problems for you in the future.
• When you listen to him, agree by saying: “Yes,” “Of course,” “Uh-huh,” “It can’t be!” (unambiguous words). If the idea of ​​the story is complete, then continue the unambiguous words with a question on the topic of what was said: “Yes, I understood everything, but why is the sun yellow?” It's a joke, but the meaning is clear.
• So listen carefully, look into the eyes and smile slightly. Or look slightly down, to the side (you don’t need to look at his pants or at his feet).
• And in general, smile, laugh, maintain a light, cheerful tone of conversation.
• Sometimes, as if by chance, touch him.

What to talk about with a guy at the first meeting

To keep him interested and not bored with you, ask him about simple things that anyone can answer.

What to talk about with a man you don't know at all? Below is a list of questions. This applies to an unfamiliar man. If you are familiar with this or have talked about it, then move on to the next point.

• What did you dream of as a child, what did you want to become?
• Have you got a dream?
• Do you think there is friendship between a man and a woman?
• Do you like pets? Which?
• Do you often break traffic rules? Do you like to drive fast?
• What's the coolest gift you've ever been given? What would you like?
• When you were little, did you dream about flying?
• What's your favorite cafe? Do you like sweets? Ice cream?
• Do you like to eat? What exactly? Do you know how to cook?

• It is necessary to ask questions that can be easily answered.
• When you ask, also answer your own question, if it is on topic and the conversation has not gone beyond the scope of your question.
• Don't interrogate. These questions are best used to fill awkward silences..
• Always smile, maintain a good, kind mood. Then the man will not only be interested in talking to you, but will also be pleasant to be around.

What to talk about with a guy on a walk?

Below are examples of topics you can talk about with a guy to make him interested in you.

• About rest outdoors with friends.
• About his hobbies.
• About his friends and jokes between them.
• About cafes and places where they cook delicious food.
• About childhood. No matter how serious a man is, he is a child. Any woman knows this. Therefore, talk about his childhood: where he lived, who he was friends with, whether he went swimming with friends in the river, lake, mountains, caves, where and how he studied, what kind of teachers were at school. In short, remember your childhood and ask the same thing. Make him remember the coolest moments from his childhood.
• About fishing and hunting. If he is a fan of this business.
• Which cinema is better? When was the last time he was there, what did he watch? What about the theater?

Topics that work 100% and a man will be interested in you are highlighted in bold. The coolest thing is that you don’t even need to prepare for a conversation. Because he will tell you everything himself. Try to complement his story with bright colors and then the good impression of you will only intensify.

Bright colors:

• Wow, cool, I want that too.
• Great, what you say is so interesting.
• Can't be! Let's do this together later too.

If he doesn’t talk much, then tell him about your childhood or hobbies. Then your man or boyfriend (you know best) will definitely remember interesting moments from his life and tell you about them.

What to talk about with a guy in correspondence

Eh, do you really think that in one article you can talk in detail about the interests of men and give examples of communication?

In short, yes, but in detail, no. And that's why.

Men like:

1. Sports: football, hockey, boxing, Olympic games and much more from this series.
2. Computers, hacking programs, games, smartphones and other equipment.
3. Video jokes, funny pictures, images of girls, preferably without clothes.
4. Pets.
5. Tools, even if you don’t know how to use them.
6. Beautiful girls on the street who look spectacular.
7. All the things that girls don't really like.

Therefore, to stay in the know, just periodically read news, jokes, and interesting stories. Remember interesting things when communicating with friends or acquaintances and then the question - what to talk about with a man to make him interested, you won't care at all. The most important thing in this matter is constant practice. To begin with, try to tell yourself something interesting, then to your friends, etc.

You shouldn't talk about this with a man

When communicating with him, always avoid talking about the following:

• about how you went alone or with a friend to the store and spent 2 hours (or 1 minute) choosing a handbag for yourself, as a result you didn’t like it and you bought yourself stiletto boots;
• about how you met a guy, and he was such a bastard and cheated on you and you set fire to his car for it;
• about how you toss and turn and fight in your sleep (God forbid you still snore);
• about the fact that you don’t have enough money, because you can’t live without manicure, pedicure, solarium and massage and are covered with scales.

Okay, jokes aside. In general, in every joke there is a share of what?

Just don’t talk about him and your boyfriends (God forbid, he has girlfriends), about shopping, pain, problems and other things that depress your mood and worsen the quality of perception of the world around you. Well said.

Awkward silence, what to do?

A man is like a ball: when a woman lets him go, he unwinds, and when she picks him up, he unwinds. There is only one way out - hold it tightly by the tip.

First option: see point No. 2 of this article and remember the questions.

Second option, no less effective. Download photos (interesting and different), funny videos, some motivating pictures to your phone. And when that awkward moment comes, you say: “Oh, my friend sent me a funny video, let’s take a look.” I assure you that everything will be fine in the future. Just don't stare at your phone all evening.

Well third option: Movement is life! Offer to change the route or go somewhere and discuss it (look at the schedule - no, not trains, buses or trains, but movies in the cinema).

A beautiful ending to a dialogue or story

When he accompanies you and if this is your first date and you want to date him, don’t make him think about whether to kiss you or not. Do it yourself, kiss him somewhere suddenly and while he is stunned - finish off his feelings - kiss him again. And then tell him what a great time you had with him. Say goodbye.

Imagine you come to an exotic country where no one speaks English. But don't worry - you have a special dictionary explaining how to communicate with the locals. You set foot on this land and make your first attempt to start a conversation using information from your dictionary, but the local looks at you like you're crazy. You address the other person and try to reconnect by choosing a phrase that your dictionary suggests to show friendliness. This time the native becomes angry, clearly offended by what you said, and starts shouting at you. Now you're starting to panic and rush to look through the dictionary to find an expression that means you're asking for help. You stop a man on the street and say these words to him and, to your surprise, find that instead of helping you, he bursts into a wild smrh and walks away, shaking his head. And here you begin to understand a terrible thing - your dictionary is useless. It was obviously written for another country because these people don't understand a word you're saying.

I think you've already guessed that this story reflects the frustration that women have experienced for centuries when trying to communicate with men. We speak to men in a language that we believe they should understand. The only result we achieve in doing this is to reveal their complete misunderstanding.

I wrote this chapter to give you instructions on how to talk to the man you love. It contains the secrets of how men think, listen, and express their feelings.

Three secrets of communicating with men

Below I will tell you three secrets that are of great importance for understanding how to communicate with men. Each secret includes three types of information:

a) what women do wrong, not knowing the habits of men;

b) how men react to this;

c) solution: new ways of communication.

Knowing the three secrets and applying this knowledge will help resolve many of your problems and help create stable relationships with the men in your life.

Communication Secret #1

Men communicate best when they see the purpose of the conversation.

Throughout this book we have discussed the issue of how goal-oriented men are. We also know that they feel much more comfortable when they know in advance what time frame they will have to act within. In this case, they gain a sense of control over the situation in which they find themselves. Therefore, when men talk to you, they would like to know what you want from them. This gives them the feeling that they know what they are doing when talking to you.

We offer men too vague a topic for conversation. We are speaking:

"Let's talk".

"Honey, I think we need to talk about our relationship."

"Help me decide what to do with my work."

These statements are too vague and vague. They do not give your partner any guidelines; the framework within which the conversation will develop remains unclear to him. The man loses control over the situation and begins to feel that some actions are expected of him, but he does not know the rules of the game. All this creates fear and uncertainty.

Most women do not face these problems because most women are process-oriented rather than goal-oriented.

Two friends can sit down next to each other and say, “Let's talk,” and neither of them will care at all where the conversation will lead or what its purpose will be. They enjoy the process of expressing their emotions. For most men, this lack of constructive information causes confusion.

How do men react to this?

• Your partner may show complete disinterest in having a conversation.
• He may begin to resist and will not want to talk to you.
• He may start arguing with you, wanting to postpone the conversation.
• He may simply prevent you from starting a conversation.
• He may think that you are completely incapable of expressing yourself clearly, or that you don't know what you want to say, or that he simply won't take you seriously.

Solution:

1. When you want to discuss something with a man, introduce him to the “agenda”. Tell him what exactly you would like to talk to him about, what you would like to achieve and what you expect from him. For example:

• "Darling, let's talk a little this evening. We didn't have time to chat quietly while your mom was visiting us last week. Why don't we compare notes on this? We could discuss what we need to do to get her next The visit went better."
• “Jim, I would like to talk to you about our relationship. We have been living together for six months, and I think now is the time to discuss our strengths and weaknesses. If I know your opinion, it will be much easier for me to build our relationship.”
• "Harry, I need you to help me establish the right relationship with my boss at work. I feel like he is overloading me with work lately and I want to tell him about it, but I don't know how best to do it. I'm thinking “that your male perspective on this problem would help me develop the right solution.”

In each of these examples, the woman gave her partner specific guidelines for the conversation, rather than vaguely saying, “Let's talk about your mom's visit,” or “Let's talk about our relationship,” or “I need your help with my job.” And a man, having the purpose of the discussion in mind, feels much calmer and more confident when entering into it.

2. Ask your man questions. Correctly asked questions also help build a conversation with a man. The more specific the question, the better. For example:

Incorrect: “How are you at work?”

Your partner will give you the same laconic answer: “Great.”

Right: "Honey, how's your new project at work going? Is it really as difficult as you thought?"

Incorrect: “Jim, I think we need to talk about our relationship.”

By doing this, you put Jim in a difficult position, and most likely he will answer: “Why, is there something wrong?”

Right: "Jim, I think we need to talk about our relationship. We've been dating for six months. What do you think about our strengths and weaknesses and how do you see our future?"

Incorrect: “Harry, help me deal with my boss.”

Harry will think that you are asking him to find a solution to the problem himself, and will immediately become confused.

Right: "Harry, I'm having problems with my boss at work. (Explain the problems.) Do you think I should go to him directly or go through my supervisor? What would you suggest?"

3. Don't use hints, say directly what you want. One of the worst habits women have when communicating with men is trying to avoid direct conversation. We hint at what we want instead of speaking our minds openly. We are very vague about what bothers us, instead of saying it directly. All this creates in men the feeling that you are manipulating them and causes severe irritation.

“I hate it when my wife starts hinting at things to me,” one man told me. “I know what she wants to say, but the way she does it makes me feel like she thinks I’m either an idiot.” "who doesn't understand anything, or a weakling who can play around with her any way she wants. I'd rather she come to me and tell me what's on her mind."

Take this man's advice - be frank. In this case, men will know your thoughts and will communicate with you with great pleasure.

Communication Secret #2

A man thinks silently, he expresses only the final result

You already know that men strive to give answers to all questions, while hiding their fears and insecurities. As a result, a man's thought process is hidden and he is in no hurry to express his opinion until he makes a final decision. A man I know called this process “meditation.” Men think about something in silence. Do not forget: men are solution oriented.

Men prefer to speak up only when they know the answer or solution, and not before. They think and reflect in silence. That's why, if you ask a man for advice or ask a question, he may answer you: "Let me think." He doesn't want to give a quick answer that might turn out to be "wrong." By the way, when I interviewed men for this book, most of them were taken aback by my request for a quick answer and said, “Let me think about it.”

What women do wrong

We think out loud.

• "I hate it when my wife opens her mouth to immediately express any thought as soon as it comes into her head."
• "You know what drives me crazy? When women start thinking out loud, weighing all the possible solutions to a problem or telling them what they have to do that day. It makes me want to run from the room."

I've heard similar statements countless times while interviewing men. The problem again lies in the differences between men and women, in that men are more solution oriented and women are more process oriented. See how this difference manifests itself in the way a man and a woman convey the same information.

Judy says to her husband Bob:"Listen, I'm going to take your suit to the dry cleaners tomorrow morning. I wanted to do it yesterday, but I stayed in a meeting until six o'clock. Then, if I'm around, I think I'll stop by the department store and ask if I can return that one." a pair of sweatpants that I bought last week - you know, there's a little stain on the front. Oh, by the way, maybe I should go to the store first while it's not crowded, and then go to the dry cleaner. Yes, that would be better , otherwise it will be difficult to find a parking space. Oh, I almost forgot, I promised Kindy to make an appointment for her to see the doctor. I better do it right now. Where is my address book? Honey, have you seen it? Okay, last time I I saw her in the kitchen when I called someone..."

Bob tells his wife Judy:“Darling, I have several things planned for this morning, kisses, bye.”

Are you as confused as I am reading this? What you and I have read is a perfect example of how women think out loud.

We may not even realize we are doing this. Judy had no intention of giving all this information to Bob. It’s just easier for her to think about her affairs for tomorrow, listening to herself. And Bob sat next to him and thought about what all men think about in such cases.

How do men react to this?

Most men react to this in the same way as Bob, sitting next to Judy, reacted. They think: "Women talk too much!"

What men usually mean by this is that women talk about their thoughts and feelings much more than men would like to hear. This is normal for us; for most men this is excessive.

We're going off topic.

You may be able to understand this dilemma a little better by knowing how goal-oriented men are. They want you to describe the situation to them in twenty-five words or less. And they don’t understand at all that for you the very process of discussing the problem is already part of its solution, because it helps you better understand and clarify the current situation.

What women do wrong

Women express their complaints and problems out loud, without letting the man understand that they themselves are able to find a solution.

This is why men accuse women of crying and complaining too much. Even though some women really like to play the role of the victim and constantly whine without doing anything to change their lives; the rest still cope with their problems. Be that as it may, women often “complain out loud”: about what bothers them, while men keep their troubles to themselves.

How do men react to this?

When a man hears his wife making negative judgments about something, he does not understand that for her this is a way to relieve nervous tension, a way to find a solution to the problem that has arisen.

He becomes impatient, believing that she will continue to talk endlessly and never find a solution. He begins to feel responsible for solving her problem.

He will try push her to make a decision.

Solution:

1. Discuss this secret with your man. Explain to him what "thinking out loud" means to you and let him know that you understand him. I've done this myself with my partner, and now when I start thinking out loud, he looks at me and we start laughing together. I'm not saying that you should stop thinking out loud if you like it, but discuss it with your partner so that he can be more accepting of this habit of yours.

2. When discussing something with your partner, give him time to think about his answer. Let's say you and your husband are planning a trip next month and you want to discuss the best time to go, Thursday evening or Friday morning.

Wrong: Start discussing out loud all possible options, all the pros and cons, demanding an immediate answer from your partner.

Right: Provide the man with all the information you have and say: “Would you like to discuss this now or do you need time to think?”

This will give the man the opportunity to think about everything calmly, without haste or fear of giving the right answer. By giving your partner the choice to discuss the issue now or later, you give him the opportunity to feel free to act and prevent the outburst that might ensue if you press him for an immediate response.

3. Warn your partner in advance that by voicing complaints out loud, you are looking for a solution to the problem. As I said before, men will always feel obligated to save you if you start complaining. Tell your partner that you want to voice your troubles out loud and that this is a way for you to relieve tension and find a solution to the problem.

Communication Secret #3

Men have a much harder time expressing their feelings than women

This is a very important male secret that you should know: For most men, the inner world of feelings and emotions is an alien, unfamiliar and frightening land.

The world of emotions is unknown to men. Most men live with their heads, not their hearts, so they are not used to delving into their feelings for a long time. Remember: a person feels comfortable when dealing with something familiar to him.

As we have already seen, the very process of socialization of women proceeded in such a way that they are more familiar with the sphere of emotions and feelings than men. And no one enjoys doing what he doesn’t know and can’t do.

If you are well versed in contemporary art, you will undoubtedly enjoy talking about this topic with your friends. If you have not had experience with tax-free investing, you will feel unsure about this issue and will not enjoy talking about this topic.

Since men feel emotionally insecure, it is not surprising that they do not enjoy analyzing or expressing their feelings.

Entering the world of emotions makes men feel like they are losing control of the situation. If a man feels insecure about something, then, being involved in this area, he ceases to be the master of the situation, being subjected to pressure. This feeling that someone is controlling them is very scary for men, and they try to avoid it at all costs. Therefore, men try not to enter the world of emotions, realizing that they lack experience and the ability to navigate it.

If you're not in good shape, would you consider going on a hike or taking an aerobics class? Not a very attractive thought, is it? This is because you are asked to do something that you do not know how to do, that you are not used to, which requires a lot of stress from you. Well, draw an analogy here with men and their reluctance to talk about their feelings. The truth is that men are emotionally "out of shape".

Therefore, emotional exercises such as talking about feelings, expressing doubts and worries, even simply asking, require a lot of effort from most men, the same as a five-kilometer walk would require from you if you were in bad shape.

What women do wrong

1. We misinterpret men's lack of awareness of emotional issues as stubborn resistance to our attempts to talk about these topics and accuse them of insensitivity.

Most of the men I interviewed expressed anger and pain at how often women label them as "unemotional, emotionless" people. It is important to understand that male insensitivity is a myth.

It's not always easy for men to express their feelings. And sometimes it seems to us that they have no feelings at all. The truth is that they simply cannot always identify their feelings. So when you ask your partner, “How do you feel?” - afraid of looking stupid or hesitant to openly admit that he does not know what he feels (remember, it is very difficult for a man to say: “I don’t know”), he may answer: “Nothing.”

2. We expect men to make up their minds as quickly as we do. Not all, but most women have a much quicker emotional response than most men because we have more experience with it. It is a mistake to expect your partner to be able to decide on his feelings within a few minutes, that he will be able to quickly penetrate his emotional depths, that he will easily share his fears with you. I do not want to say that men cannot master the emotional sphere. Over the past ten years, in my seminars, I have worked with thousands of men who sought to master the world of feelings, and I have seen what loving, emotionally open people they have become. It takes constant training and practice, daily work for both men and women, to get rid of old emotional habits and form new, healthy ones.

3. We decide that a man with high intelligence also has high emotional organization. Has it ever happened to you that, having met a successful, well-educated, highly intelligent man, you decided that since he was so successful in intellectual spheres, he easily and beautifully expresses his feelings? Once I met such a man. We met at a conference where he was one of the speakers. He was eloquent, spoke with great feeling and showed deep knowledge in the field of philosophy and psychology. “This is a guy I could really fall in love with!” I said to myself. “He’s so expressive, so emotional.”

During our first meetings, I was nervous at the thought of starting a relationship with such a man. We had a wonderful conversation about the meaning of life while having lunch together in a restaurant. He read poetry to me. Everything looked lovely/But after three or four meetings, I began to notice something strange. This man never spoke about how he felt. Everything he presented to me was either his judgment or intellectual analysis, but not his feelings. It didn't take me long to realize that it was easy for him to talk about what was in his head, but not at all easy for him to talk about what was in his heart. By the way, as he admitted to me later, one of the reasons why he sought to look like such an intellectual was his desire to hide his feelings.

How men react

If you accuse a man of emotional underdevelopment, he, deeply experiencing misunderstanding, will further close his feelings from you. He:

• will rebel against you;
• will not show any desire to carry on conversations with you;
• will become angry with you and will respond by accusing you of being too emotional.

How Kelly and Michael learned to argue less and love more

Kelly and Michael were a young married couple who came to me for counseling because they were arguing a lot. “It’s the same thing every time,” Kelly complained. “I want to talk to Michael about our relationship. Sometimes something worries me, or I feel like I’m not getting enough attention, or whatever. I invite him to talk , but Michael, regardless of the topic of conversation, tries in every possible way to avoid it. At the same time, he accuses me of being upset over trifles. Or starts asking a bunch of questions, trying to embarrass me, or simply attacks me, calling me “an emotional fool.” I’m starting to think that he’s not at all interested in our relationship, and I generally stop understanding why he married me.”

I asked Kelly if I could talk to Michael alone.

Michael, tell me what's going on inside you when Kelly tries to engage you in an emotional discussion?

“Well,” Michael said quietly, “I know for a fact that I’m uncomfortable.” I don't know what she wants from me. Her desire to talk to me makes me feel like I did something wrong. And she speaks so quickly, gives me so much information that I am simply not able to digest it all at once. I start to feel overwhelmed and want to slow things down.

How do you feel when Kelly asks you to talk about your feelings?

Michael thought for a minute and then said:

I feel depressed because I might make a mistake. I feel confused because I am put in an awkward position when I have to talk about my emotions, and I am not always sure of them. Kelly always wants an answer immediately. If I can't do this, I get very upset.

What would you want from her in this situation?

Well,” Michael replied, “I think I need more time to process her words and determine my feelings.”

Have you told her about this? Did you ask for some time to think? Have you told her that you feel confused and depressed?

No,” Michael shook his head. - I never realized this before. To tell the truth, I behaved like a fool. I became angry and caustic and tried to make her feel that all the problems lay with her. I think I was trying to blame her for everything so that I could have time to think about the problem.

Michael is a perfect example of a man who has difficulty identifying his feelings, so he tends to avoid emotional discussions with his wife in order to hide his confusion and insecurity. When Kelly returned to the room, I explained Michael's behavior to her and she breathed a sigh of relief. “And I thought that Michael didn’t love me,” she admitted. “Now I know that he avoided talking to me not because of a lack of love for me, but because of a feeling of psychological discomfort.”

Kelly agreed to follow the advice I'll list below, and Michael promised to be open with Kelly if he needed to process his feelings. The last time I spoke to them, they told me that their family's entire communication style had improved significantly.

Solution:

1. Don’t throw all your emotions at your partner at once, expecting an immediate reaction from him. Take your time - stop for a minute - and clarify for yourself what you want to say. If you were talking to a foreigner who is just learning your language, you would speak to him slowly and clearly, right? I'm not saying that you should talk to a man like he's an ignorant ignoramus, but this advice will help you think better and clarify for yourself what you want to say, instead of jumping from one thought to another. This way of presenting the problem will allow the man to avoid confusion and give him time to determine his attitude to what you are saying. It’s very good if there are pauses in the conversation - don’t try to fill them with words.

Sometimes, when your partner is silent, it does not mean that he is ignoring you. He simply thinks about the information that you gave him and tries to determine his attitude towards it, his feelings.

Wrong: condemn him for emotional inhibition, insist on an immediate response regardless of whether he wants it or not; follow him around the house and scream, demanding an answer, accusing him of ignoring you.

Right: "Look, I know I've told you a lot and probably bombarded you with information. Why don't we take a break for a while to think about everything and talk a little later? I love you and I'm sure we can find the right one." solution".

2. Try touching your partner, holding their hand, hugging them to help them “switch from head to heart.”

This is one of the fastest and sometimes easiest ways to help the man you love understand his feelings. A man’s psychological state is very closely connected with his body, and by touching him physically, you seem to transfer a man from the path of pure logic, cold intellectual analysis to the path of feelings and emotions.

When you see that your partner is having a hard time expressing his feelings or is having a hard time accepting your emotions, pause the conversation and be silent for a minute.

This will help turn the intellectual battle into a friendly conversation.

How to listen to men

Has it ever happened to you: while discussing something with a man, you decide that you have already convinced him that you are right, when suddenly he turns to you and shouts irritably: “You’re not listening to me!”

Have you ever felt impatient when your partner tries to tell you something and it seems like it will take him forever?

One of the most common complaints men make about women is that women aren't good listeners.

When I heard these words from my partners, I was overcome with anger. “What do you mean by saying that I don’t listen to you?” I asked irritably. “I’m sitting next to you. Have I gone somewhere?” It took me years to understand how to listen to a man so that he feels heard. Here are some tips for learning to listen.

Tip #1

Don't interrupt a man when he is trying to express himself

"You're interrupting me again!" How many times have we heard this from our men during conversations! In this situation, I usually answered: “I’m not interrupting, I’m just telling you what I think about this. What do you want from me, for me to sit and just be silent, and you alone will talk?” If men were completely honest and frank, they would answer: “Yes, that’s exactly what I want from you.” It seems to us that they simply do not want to listen to us. But that's usually not why men don't like being interrupted. Here are some other reasons.

Men need to focus when they are trying to express their emotions. You should have realized by now how much more effort a man has to make to express his feelings than a woman. You should also remember that men find it difficult to do two things at once. If you put these two facts together, you can understand why men hate being interrupted during a conversation or argument.

If your partner is trying to sort out his feelings out loud, which is a difficult task for most men, and you start responding to him, you are distracting him. You just want to understand something, but by stopping his thought process and forcing him to listen to you, you confuse the man and he begins to get angry and irritated.

Men are goal-oriented, so when they start expressing their thought, they want to finish it. I know it's easy for you to start a conversation on one topic, move on to another, drop both and start a conversation on a completely different topic, and eventually return to the original subject, but this drives men crazy! Remember, men are much more goal-oriented than women, which is why men prefer a straight or nearly straight line in their thought processes, as opposed to the spiraling style that women often prefer. When your partner wants to go from point A to point B in a conversation and you interrupt him by suggesting points C, D, and E, you are leading him astray. He doesn't see it as your contribution to the discussion - he sees it as an interference, an obstacle to achieving his goal.

Men need to feel like they're doing a good job, and they view your interruption as "You're doing it wrong." When a man expresses his thoughts, he is interested not only in expressing himself, but also in doing it as “good” as he believes possible. Believe it or not, a man takes his words much more seriously than a woman. And they are given to him with great effort. So by interrupting him, you're saying, "You're doing a terrible job, so I'm going to stop you before you get worse," like the gong used to send a failed contestant off stage on TV.

Solution:

Listen to your partner without interrupting.

This means that if your partner wants to discuss something, let him talk, wait until he finishes, and then respond.

Important! Don't jump into a conversation the moment your partner pauses to take a simple breath, exclaiming, "Oh, I thought you were done already!"

Make sure he says everything he wants to say by asking, “Is there anything else you want to tell me?” or “What else do you want to say about this?”

Then, when he has finished, you can express your thoughts. Of course, you must insist that he does not interrupt you either. This does not mean that every conversation you have should result in an exchange of long monologues. But these tips are very appropriate when expressing feelings or at the beginning of a conversation when the topic has not yet emerged.

Tip #2

Be patient while he determines his feelings

In the book How to Love Always, I talked about the “emotional map,” a simple and powerful method that helps you understand your own feelings and the feelings of others and helps you overcome unpleasant emotions such as anger, pain, fear, and returns you to a state of love. When you feel sad or emotional, you experience all five levels of emotion. These levels are as follows.

"Emotional Map"

1. Anger, resentment and indignation.

2. Pain, sadness, disappointment.

3. Fear, anxiety and a sense of danger.

4. Remorse, regret and responsibility.

5. Love, understanding, appreciation and forgiveness.

When something upsets you, you usually experience feelings that are closer to the surface, such as anger or pain. But, like the floors of a building, our emotions follow one another. Anger, resentment and resentment are the first level; they are a way of protecting ourselves when we are attacked or treated unlovingly. Beneath this level lies pain, sadness and disappointment - these are manifestations of our vulnerability. Pain is followed by even deeper emotions - fear, anxiety, a sense of danger. If you manage to get past this level, you get closer to the point and are able to experience the remorse, regret and sense of responsibility that are so necessary to understand the essence of what is happening. And underneath all these emotions - anger, pain, fear and remorse - lies love.

All other emotions are simply our reaction to what prevents us from loving and being loved.

Taking the elevator from your head to your heart

I use this analogy in my seminars to better illustrate the path from the upper level of our emotions - anger and resentment - to the lower level - love and understanding. Every time you try to understand your feelings, go this way from the upper levels of the “emotional map” to its base. Starting with anger and stopping at each floor, take your elevator down until you stop at the level of love.

In working with many people, I have found that, for a number of reasons that we discussed earlier, most men experience this lift much more slowly than most women. This means that it takes them much longer to realize what lies behind their initial reaction - anger, discomfort or irritation.

This is why women often become impatient when men express their feelings. They are not trying to irritate you at all. Men are not stupid. They don't resist your desire to have a conversation. They simply need more time to identify their feelings, since the inner world is much less familiar to them than to women.

How I Overcame My Bad Habits and Learned to Listen

One of the biggest mistakes we make when listening to a man is our impatience. This was also my bad habit, which was aggravated by my profession. Here I am sitting with my partner who is trying to tell me about something that is bothering him. By the time he said four or five sentences, I already understood what he wanted to say, identified his feelings for myself and prepared my answer. He had only just begun to speak, and I was already sitting, fidgeting in my chair and wondering how much more time he would need. My patience is running out. And then I interrupt him and say something like, “Honey, this is what I think about what happened,” and lay out the whole situation in front of him. I must admit that in most cases I correctly assessed his feelings, but by not allowing him to express himself, I was depriving him of the opportunity to realize his feelings himself, to do this work on his own. He began to feel anger, indignation, humiliation and rebelled against my attempt to lecture.

And then one day, after I presented what I thought was an excellent analysis of my partner’s feelings, he blurted out what I should have heard a long time ago. “Listen, Barbara,” he said, “I may not be able to think as fast as you, and I may not be able to identify my feelings right away. This is a new thing for me. I know you’re trying to help me, but let me do this myself.” !"

As much as I hated to hear it, I knew my partner was right. The purpose of our conversation was not to find out what he wanted to say, but to find out what he wanted to say. My impatience did not give him the opportunity to go all the way to the end. How could he learn to express his feelings if I always interrupted him and did it for him? It's the same as if you helped your child learn arithmetic by solving examples for him - he would never learn to do it on his own.

Solution:

1. Allow your partner to be emotionally unintelligible. The language of emotions is usually the second language for men and the first language for women. Do not expect from your partner the same speed of emotional reactions that you have yourself. Give him time during the conversation or argument to sort out his feelings, even if you are sure what the problem really is. Appreciate his commitment to going through the process of emotional self-discovery, even if it takes longer than you would like.

2. Tell him about the “emotional map” and help him go through all five levels of feelings. If you are serious about improving your relationship, read my book How to Love Always with your partner and use the techniques it provides to help you connect with people both at home and at work. You can help your partner if you see that he is having difficulty expressing his feelings. Ask him questions that will help him move through all five levels of emotions:

"Are you angry with me (or someone)?"

“How have I (or anyone) offended you?”

"What's disappointing you now?"

"Are you afraid that something might happen?"

"What are you worrying about?"

Give him the opportunity to understand for himself what to say: “Sorry” or “I love you!” But don't start bombarding him with questions as soon as he opens his mouth. Give him the opportunity to find a way out on his own, guiding him along the path only when you see his confusion.

3. Make sure you learn how to use the “emotional map” yourself when expressing your feelings to your partner. Don't expect your partner to play by the rules that you yourself break. Make sure you are doing what you are asking him to do. The more open, friendly and attentive you are in your communication, the better example you will be to your partner.

Tip #3

Let your partner know that you understand their point of view

Nothing puts men off balance more than the feeling that they are not understood. Often they experience these feelings because we do not show that we understand them.

There are several ways to express your positive reaction when listening to a man.

1. Use the method of active perception - repeat what you hear. Psychotherapists teach this simple technique to couples so that they can learn to listen to each other better. After you've listened to your partner, rephrase their thought and return it to them.

Ted:"Mary, I'm really worried about our sexual relationship. You never seem to be in the mood to have sex, and I don't know if it's me or something else, but I feel like the distance between us is increasing, and I would like to I really didn't want this. You always find excuses for this: either the kids are tired of you, or you're tired, or you have a headache, but we haven't made love for three weeks, and it seems to me that something is happening between us. I know ", we haven't been together much lately, maybe that's why you don't feel my closeness. In general, all this really upsets me."

Mary (listening poorly):“How can you tell me this? I hardly saw you this month, you were terribly busy. Didn’t you come home in the evening completely exhausted? Do you think that in this state you are able to excite me? Besides, you can imagine “What is it - a baby in your arms and two older children?”

Mary (listening well):"And you feel rejected by me when I don't make love to you? It must be terrible, especially when I know how loving and gentle you are."

Ted:"Yes, it really hurts me."

When Tad sees that Mary understands his feelings, he will be able to calmly continue his emotional work and will understand himself further. He will be able to descend from the level of anger to the level of deeper feelings - pain and fear.

2. Nod or make cues so that the man can see that you are listening and understand him. If you listen to your partner, but sit motionless, staring at him, you can be sure: he believes that you are not listening to him. Men need to be encouraged and encouraged so that they can more easily enter the world of emotions. There are several ways to help your partner with this.

Remember: men are visually oriented. So if you nod your head when a man makes his point, he will know that you are listening and receptive.

Saying "uh-huh" lets your partner know that you are listening and understanding what they are saying. You don't have to agree with what he says, but that shouldn't stop you from showing that you understand him.

Tip #4

Touch your partner

Remember: physical touch helps your partner connect with you and allows you to become more aware of your feelings. Don't overdo it, but as I said earlier in this chapter, touching your friend's arm, sitting closer, or putting your arm around your friend's shoulders can create an atmosphere of greater intimacy in which your conversation will take on new emotional nuances.

This advice has served me well, and I hope it will help you too. Share the information you receive with your partner so that he can also learn to listen to you.

The Five Most Common Questions About How Men Communicate

These are the five questions I hear all the time from women who want to know how men communicate. Knowing the answers to these questions will help you build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with your man.

1. Why do men always try to divert the conversation away from feelings during a quarrel?

You don’t even suspect that you are the victim of a tactic that men resort to when they sense danger and become vulnerable: they are trying to steer the conversation away from your feelings.

Men feel much more comfortable acting in the area of ​​intellect than in the area of ​​feelings - they are more practical. Therefore, when you provoke them into an emotional discussion, your partner feels that you have an undeniable advantage. To ensure he has the upper hand, your man will try to shift the conversation from the realm of emotions to the realm of facts. He will ask you a bunch of questions; he will begin to express his observations rather than share his feelings; he will begin to doubt the truth of your feelings, saying:

"Stop being nervous - you look like an emotional idiot."

"I never thought you were capable of losing your temper like that."

"Calm down - you're becoming hysterical."

"Well, you're overly sensitive."

Most women fall into this trap and, abandoning their feelings, enter into an intellectual battle with their partner. And this path gives him the opportunity to win (especially if he is a lawyer!) or, at least, not to feel defeated. The problem that caused the argument remains unresolved, you leave with a feeling of dissatisfaction, confusion, depression, and he leaves with a feeling of relief, because he managed to avoid an emotional discussion, which would undoubtedly demonstrate her imperfections in this area. And although some men are not aware of this habit, most of them, during my interviews, admitted that they do this absolutely consciously in arguments with women.

Solution:

Don't let them lead you astray! Stay in the realm of feelings and emotions - where you can maximize your power as a woman. Tell your partner that you can see through his tricks and that you don't fall for them. And remember, avoiding the topic is just as bad for your partner as it is for you. The better a man masters the sphere of emotions, the less he will be afraid of your conversations about it.

2. Why do men hate having emotional discussions late at night?

23.15. You and your partner are lying in bed and reading. You've had a thought running through your head all day that you'd like to discuss with him, so you turn to him and say:

Honey, could we talk for a moment?

Your partner looks at you without any enthusiasm and answers:

It's awfully late, isn't it? Can't we put this off until the morning?

When you insist, he becomes irritable and says something like:

Why do you always put off discussing all your problems until the night?

I know your “talk for a bit” will last for hours.

Can I just relax a little in silence after a working day?

Why do we always have to discuss problems when you want?

Or, having agreed to listen to you, he:

• falls asleep in the middle of a conversation"
• shows no interest in your thoughts or feelings;
• responds with a monotonous grunt or moo.

Why are men so irritated by late emotional discussions?

A. In the evening, men have less control over the situation because they are tired. Men often view conversation as a mini power struggle. When the conversation concerns the emotional sphere, men sense your advantage in advance. Feeling tired, your partner will tend to put off the discussion. He knows he won't be able to control the situation as much as he would like. Of course, this is also justified from the point of view of women's behavior - we instinctively strive to have conversations with men when they are tired, since they resist less and are not so active intellectually.

B. Men are afraid that once you start a discussion, you will never finish it and they will not be able to sleep. This brings us back to the secret of communication that reveals why men need a “discussion agenda” to feel comfortable. When late at night you communicate your desire to start a conversation, he knows that he is your prisoner, and fear grows in him: “She will start talking now and will never finish. We will argue all night; tomorrow I will come to work completely defeated; I'll make mistakes there. I'll be scolded. I'll fail. Clearly, no discussion tonight."

Solution:

Discuss this issue with your partner and come to a mutual agreement regarding nighttime conversations.

Sometimes you may have to compromise and postpone the discussion until the morning. You can also set a time frame for the discussion: “Honey, I need to talk to you. Could you give me fifteen minutes? I know you’re tired, but I really need to tell you this, and we’ll continue the conversation when we have more time.” ".

Don't store up your negative emotions for days and weeks only to unleash them on your partner one night. It is natural that he will feel depressed. Always discuss problems when they first arise, without waiting for them to snowball into monstrous proportions and become difficult to deal with.

3. Why can't my partner directly accept my advice, but instead, when he comes back to the issue a few days later, acts as if he made the decision himself?

You are probably familiar with this situation: you and your partner are discussing whether to go on vacation to the sea or relax by the lake. You are trying to convince him that going to the seaside would be a mistake - there are a lot of people there at this time of year, and besides, you heard that they are going to rent cottages for teenagers there - but the lake is quiet, romantic, and cheaper. Your partner doesn’t seem to show much interest in listening to your point of view, even arguing with you, insisting that a trip to the sea would be a nice change of scenery. You know he doesn't want to go to the coast. You know he agrees with you. But he refuses to admit it.

Several days pass, one evening after dinner your partner turns to you and says: “You know what I’m thinking about. It seems to me that there are a lot of people at the sea at this time of year, schoolchildren and children are taken there. "The lake will be a better place to relax. I think we'd better go to the lake on vacation, my love." And you sit next to him and are silent, because you are out of breath, and you think: “Does he not remember that it was I who suggested this a few days ago?”

The answer to this question is that:

• men need to feel that they are right. I don’t know if you have noticed that men always compete not only with each other, but even with their wives or girlfriends. So when you find a solution to a problem that he's willing to accept, he feels "bad" for not doing it first. Admitting that you are right means for some men admitting that you are smarter than them, which they would never want to do;
• men love to feel their advantage. When you offer a solution to a problem and a man agrees with you, he begins to feel that you are now in charge of him, that you are playing a leading role in your relationship. This is a primitive male instinct that they will deny until you rub their nose in them - but they themselves know that it is true;
• men love to feel independent and independent. This desire goes back to childhood, when a little boy tries to free himself from his mother's dependence by saying: “No, Mommy, let me tie my own shoelaces - I can do it myself.” When a man feels that you are helping him solve a problem that he cannot solve on his own, he will secretly feel that his manhood is being violated.

Solution:

It is important to understand that men do not realize that they are doing this.

Your partner will never say, after hearing your good advice: “Darling, I didn’t think of that myself.” He'll decide, "Well, I'll wait until Tuesday and then pass it off as my own," and if you ask him, he'll swear he doesn't remember you talking about it before Tuesday. The best advice I can give you here is to discuss this issue with your man, let him read these pages and see what happens. After all, it's not the most relationship-damaging habit - it's just very annoying!

4. Why doesn’t my partner know how to express his tenderness and admiration to me the way I express to him?

Here's a situation: you and your partner have decided to spend the evening together - dinner and dancing. You spend an hour and a half working on your hair, manicure, makeup, and putting on a beautiful new dress. You walk into the living room to greet your man and say:

Here I am, darling. Well, what do I look like? Your partner looks at you for a second and says:

You look good.

And then he goes to get the car keys.

You are left standing in the middle of the room with a terrible feeling of disappointment. “Okay,” you think to yourself. “Is that all he can say?” When your man returns, you tell him that you are a little offended by his lack of attention.

“But I said you look good,” he replies with surprise. - What else do you want to hear from me?

Well, didn’t you notice my new dress or didn’t pay attention to my hairstyle and everything else?

Do you know what your problem is? - your partner says, raising his voice. - You are never happy with anything - no matter what I do, everything is bad for you.

And you, finding yourself involved in a quarrel, cannot understand what is going on.

And this is why this happens: Unlike women, men do not notice details. Let's go back to the first chapter where we talked about male genetic memory. Men were taught to pay attention to the big picture, and women to the details: men looked out for enemy tribes on the horizon while women looked after the fire and the children; men thought about how many acres of land they could cultivate in a day and what to sow it with next year, while women thought about what to cook for dinner today; men worried about whether they had enough money to send their children to college and pay rent, while women worried about whether their children had clean underwear to go to school tomorrow. This does not mean that some of the levels of these concerns are better and some are worse - these are simply different ways of perceiving the world around us, to which men and women are accustomed.

Yes, you know all this yourself.

How many times, while discussing furniture that you saw with your friends, have you heard your husband ask: “What, the sofa was blue? But I didn’t notice.”

Have you asked your partner, “You know my green dress with the white collar—do you think it would look better at your cousin's wedding than a black velvet suit?” - and he looked at you helplessly, until you finally began to understand that he didn’t even remember those dresses you were talking about.

Most, but certainly not all men, do not pay as much attention to color, shape, quality and other details as women, who are accustomed to noticing all this.

The problem is women subconsciously expect the same perception from men.

So when you ask your partner, "What do I look like?" - you expect from him the same answer that you would give yourself if he asked you about it - details, details, details. You know how your friend reacts when she sees you in a new dress: “Oh, Barbara, is this new? I really like it. Turn around, let me look from behind. You know, this style suits your figure very well. And how good are you?” I picked it up and it looks just great.”

This doesn't mean that men don't want to express their feelings to you or praise you - they just don't pay attention to it, they're not used to delving into these issues. Moreover, most men have no idea that there is any problem here until you explain to them.

Solution:

Teach your partner to pay attention to details.

Notice details in his appearance or what you liked about the house you visited on Sunday, or note what you thought was especially beautiful in the park.

Male version: “This is a beautiful suit.”

Female version: “What a wonderful suit, dear. Look how beautifully the colors shimmer on the fabric - a little red here, and blue somewhere. It sits perfectly in the waist and fits your style. It is very well sewn - look how it is finished lapels."

Male version: "Beautiful house."

Female version: "How wonderful this house looks. It fits perfectly into the landscape - doesn't it? There are so many French windows and doors. I love the technique in which it was painted, this unusual blue color scheme. It looks very fresh."

Male version: “Listen, the park is very beautiful today.”

Female version: "I love walking in the park and just sitting in the sun like that. At this time of day, everything around is sparkling. You can't imagine how many shades of green the shadows on the grass and trees are! Look at those lush clouds - they look like they are now will burst. I feel such peace here! "

By doing this, you will begin to teach your partner to notice details.

When your man compliments you or admires something, ask him to clarify what exactly he likes. Let's say he says, "I like your dress, honey." Don't just say "thank you" - ask him what he especially liked. If he says he likes the color, ask, "Do you think this color is better than the blues I usually wear?" In other words, help him learn to notice details and talk about them.

Remember: literary history shows that men are just as poetic and expressive as women, but many 20th-century men need practice to revive their subconscious mind for detail.

You are sitting with your partner in the living room after dinner. You could swear something was bothering him. You ask what happened, and he says:

But, dear,” you continue to insist. - I know something is upsetting you, tell me.

“I told you everything is great, so stop pestering me,” he replies in an icy tone.

But why do you look so upset, why are you angry? - you continue.

Listen, get off me, your partner screams. - Why are you still watching me like a hawk? You're right, now I'm angry - angry at you for being such a brainless idiot.

Why is it that sometimes the only emotions available to a man are anger and irritation? They respond with anger when they experience sudden fear or anxiety. They respond with anger when something offends them. They respond with anger when they feel guilty. They may even respond with anger when they feel that they love and need you very much.

Let's go back to your man's childhood to find the answer. Until very recently, boys were always taught that it was not okay to show feelings such as pain, fear or dependence. These are signs of weakness that girls are allowed to do, but not boys. Boys whose feelings are hurt, who cry or are afraid, are ridiculed and called "mama's boys." Boys are encouraged to be strong and what is called “masculine behavior,” which fully tolerates anger and quarrels, but not tears and admission of defeat.

Offer your options for the emotions that your partner may experience, since it is possible that he himself does not understand them. By doing this you will help him overcome his anger and create conditions for the expression of other, more subtle feelings.

“Darling, I know how upset you are that Fred has a heart attack. He’s your best friend, you’re the same age. I know, I’m always scared too when someone close to me gets sick - it’s scary to think that you could "losing someone you love so much. You probably feel helpless, wanting to help when you're forced to just wait."

Encourage your partner to show any signs of vulnerability. Remember, men have been so much stigmatized for being sensitive—and still are in certain social groups—that they need the encouragement and positive validation you can give them. If your partner has opened up to you even a little, tell him how much it means to you and how proud you are of him. I’m not talking about you constantly taking care of him, I advise you to simply help a man with what is quite difficult for him to do.

Note. If you are with a man whose anger is chronic, constant, abusive, and has no control over his behavior, forget all this advice and seek counseling or help immediately.

Dictionary "Man - Woman"

After reading this chapter, I think you understand why I started with the fact that men and women speak different languages. To summarize everything that we have learned about, I offer you the “Man - Woman” dictionary. Just as a French-English dictionary gives a French word and its English translation, the Man-Woman Dictionary contains phrases commonly used by men and what it means in a language women understand. I have included only a few phrases here and I hope that by analogy you will be able to translate those phrases of your partner that drive you crazy. You can even, if you want, sit down with your man and ask him to help you compile such a dictionary. And, of course, don’t be surprised if he agrees to help you only on the condition that you write him a dictionary “Woman - Man”.

Phrase	Translation
"I don't want to talk about it now."	“I need time to sort out my feelings, I’m afraid that if I answer right away, I might be wrong. I can’t find the words to express my emotions as quickly as you.”
"Calm down, you're starting to get too nervous."	“I see that I should help you, but I don’t know how. I feel responsible for you, for your pain, but I don’t know how to help you.”
“Well, look, yes, I am like that. All men behave like that.”	“I’m afraid that something is wrong with me. But can I change... I sometimes don’t understand my behavior.”
"Well, I said 'sorry'. What else do you need from me?"	"I'm afraid that you won't forgive me. I feel like an idiot for offending you, I'm very hurt that you see that I'm wrong."
“Darling, I need to get up early tomorrow - how do you feel about this? (in bed during love foreplay).”	"I'm in the mood for quick sex, but I'm afraid you'll think I'm selfish if I ask for it directly."
“Why do you present everything as if I’m always the one to blame for everything? Are you never wrong?”	"I hate admitting that you're right. I'm angry at myself for not being able to resolve this issue as quickly as you were able to."

I hope you found a lot of interesting and useful information in this chapter on communication. You should read it again and again until this knowledge becomes second nature. Please share what you have learned with the man you love. He will sense that you are trying to understand him and will work with you to make your relationship great.

A man might say: “I’m terribly stuck at work; I recently experienced the breakup of a serious relationship, which was a big blow for me; my parents’ divorce left an indelible mark on my soul and brought a lot of new troubles; now I need to focus on my career.”.

It’s easier for men to jump out of a window than to say, “You’re not right for me.” Women, stop making excuses for them, their actions speak for themselves: they just don’t like you.

This is exactly what the authors of the book “The Whole Truth About Men” think. Greg Behrendt And Liz Tuccillo, reports Day.Az with reference to Kluber. They have compiled a list of excuses that every woman hoping for happiness should avoid:

1. He doesn't like you that much if he doesn't ask you out.

Because if he likes you, he will definitely make an appointment with you.

Excuse: "Perhaps he doesn't want to ruin our friendship." I hate to tell you this, but this excuse doesn't hold water. And please don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's afraid of is admitting that he's not attracted to you at all.

Excuse: “He’s probably hesitant to take the first step.” You can hint to a man that you like him, but you shouldn't help him ask you out. The fact that you smile and playfully wink at him will be enough.

Excuse: "Maybe he doesn't want to rush things." If a man really likes you, but there are deeply personal reasons why he doesn't want to rush things, he'll tell you immediately. He will not leave you in the dark because he needs confidence that you will not be disappointed and disappear from his life.

Excuse: “But he gave me his phone number.” Don't let him use cheap tricks to get you to ask him out on a date. If a man is interested in you, he will take all the troubles upon himself.

Excuse: “Perhaps he forgot about me.” Rest assured, you've made an impression on him. Now leave everything as it is. If he likes you, he will remember you even after a tsunami, flood or defeat of the football team in the next match.

Remember:

Any excuse essentially means that you are of little interest to him. Men are not afraid to “ruin friendships.”
- Don't fall for his tricks and don't ask him out. If he likes you, he will invite you himself.
- If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will do it.

- “Hey, let's meet at such and such a party (at some bar) at a friend's house” does not belong to the category of invitations to a date.

You are good enough to be asked out.

2. He doesn't like you that much if he doesn't call you.

Men know how to use the telephone.

Excuse: “But he’s on the road so often.” Take note: a man who is interested in you wants to spend time with you.

Excuse: “But his head is busy with completely different things.” He should never forget that he promised to call you. Don't you expect the kind of guy who would rather forget about everything that happened in his life than forget about you?

Excuse: “He doesn’t say what he really means.” Here's the problem: at the end of a date or phone conversation, many men tell you what they think you'd like to hear. They think it's better than nothing. So if the guy you're dating doesn't call you despite all his promises, is it worth getting hung up on him? After all, you want a man who can at least keep his word.

Excuse: “But he’s very busy.” The word "busy" is complete nonsense. The word “busy” can destroy any relationship in one gulp. Being extremely “busy” may seem like a convincing excuse, but in reality this concept always hides a man who was not interested in calling you.

Remember:

If he doesn't call you, it means he doesn't think about you.

If he makes promises and then lets you down in small ways, rest assured that the same will happen when it comes to bigger things.

You should not build a relationship with someone who is unable to keep his word.

If he is unwilling to make the slightest effort to calm you down and smooth over the brewing conflicts in your relationship, then he simply does not respect your feelings and needs.

You deserve to be called.

3. He doesn't like you all that much if he doesn't acknowledge the fact that you're dating.

Spending time together does not mean dating.

Excuse: "He just went through a painful breakup." Beware of the word "friend". It is often used by men or women who are in love with these men/women to justify their most swinish behavior.

Excuse: "But we're really dating." Men, like women, strive to gain a sense of security and safety when they see a relationship becoming serious. One common way to achieve this is to claim your loved one. A man who is truly passionate about you will want you to be his. And what's wrong with that?

Justification: "It's better than nothing." Let me remind you: you want a man who wants to see you, calls you regularly and makes you feel like the most desirable woman in the world. A relationship in which you meet a man once every two weeks or once a month without feeling any love or sympathy from him can last a day, or a week, or a month. But can they last a lifetime?

Remember:

Men talk about their feelings, even if you refuse to listen or don't believe their confessions. “I’m not ready for a serious relationship” means “I’m not ready for a serious relationship with you.”

- “Better than nothing” should not suit you.

If you don't understand what's going on in your relationship, then there's nothing wrong with slowing down and asking him a few questions.

There is one guy in the world who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Go and find him.

4. He doesn't like you that much if he sleeps with another woman.

There is no truly compelling excuse for cheating.

Justification: “He has no excuse and he knows it.” Cheating is bad. And the inability to explain why you cheated on a person is even worse. If one red flag isn't enough for you, how about two? Don't date men who don't know why they did something.

Excuse: “But I got fat.” Yeah, of course, you need to lose 90 kilograms in the form of your worthless boyfriend, and not at all the twenty kilograms he talks about. Get rid of this loser immediately.

Excuse: “He needs more lovemaking than I do.” There is no excuse for him to cheat on you. Dot. There are many ways to solve this fairly common problem, which arises due to differences in sexual appetite.

Excuse: "But at least he knew her." I’ll explain in other words: it doesn’t matter whether he loves you or not. He has made it clear to you what his feelings are about your affair. He followed his feelings and arranged everything so that he would be alone with another woman, kiss her...

Remember:

There is no excuse for cheating. Let me repeat: there is no excuse for cheating. Now say it yourself: there is no excuse for cheating.

The only thing you are responsible for when another person fails morally is your own feelings.

Treason is betrayal. It doesn’t matter who he cheated on you with and how many times it happened.

Cheaters are never happy.

An unfaithful man first of all cheats on himself, since he cannot build a normal relationship with you.

5. He doesn't like you that much if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.

If he likes you, he will be eager to see you when his brain is not clouded by alcohol fumes.

Excuse: "But I like it when he's drunk." If, sitting at a bar, he drunk says something like: “Baby, you’re so beautiful!” and at the same time hugs you a little tighter than he should, then it’s high time you learned something: you can’t believe everything a man says when he’s drunk. Is this really what you need?

Excuse: “At least he doesn’t drink the strongest drinks.” Don't be fooled. A guy who doesn't get away with it shouldn't get away with silently turning his brain off in a different, easier way every time you're together.

Remember:

His words mean nothing if he said them while drunk. "I love you" or the like, said under the influence of any drink stronger than grape juice, has no force in court or in real life.

Drinking alcohol and drugs is not the way to a person’s deepest feelings.

You deserve a man who doesn't have to get drunk to spend time with you.

6. He doesn't like you that much if he doesn't want to marry you.

Each of your ex-men who told you that they don’t want to get married, or don’t believe in marriage, or have doubts about marriage, will certainly tie the knot someday. Not with you.

Remember:

- “He doesn’t want to marry” and “He doesn’t want to marry me” are two different things. Make sure that you correctly determine which category your chosen one belongs to.

If you have opposing views on marriage, there will likely be other issues that will lead to disagreements.

If nothing changes in your relationship, then what are you waiting for?

Somewhere on earth there is a man walking who wants to marry you.

7. He doesn't like you that much if he dumped you.

Excuse: “He needs me.” Don't be satisfied that he's bored without you. He should be bored. You are so unique. And yet he was and remains the person who abandoned you.

Justification: “It’s much easier after this decision.” There is one thing that a young man will never do if he cannot imagine his life without you: he will never leave you.

Excuse: "But then he wants to go back." Unfortunately, after you break up, your boyfriend starts looking for something better. And when he fails, he is overcome by loneliness and returns “home.” It's not like he likes you very much. He just really doesn't like being alone.

Excuse: “I refuse to accept the fact that he left me.” I'm sorry he left you. By trying again and again to win him back, you make your ex-boyfriend think: “What did I even see in this psycho?”

Remember one simple tip, ladies: always be on top. Never go crazy.

Remember:

You won't be able to prevent a breakup by talking. Discussions won't help here. The termination of relations is a final decision and cannot be appealed.

You don't need to remind him how great you are.

He can take care of his cat himself.

Somewhere there is a young man waiting for you who will be just happy that you didn’t get back together with your terribly nasty ex-boyfriend.

8. He doesn't like you that much if he just up and disappeared.

Well, everything is very clear here. He made it clear to you that you were so not his type that he didn’t even bother to leave you any news about himself.

Excuse: "Maybe he died." There is nothing worse than not receiving a response from your loved one. The only reason why you should write to him again is the desire to receive an explicit refusal, now in verbal form. Have you forgotten? You are too busy with your fans and you don't have time for such nonsense.

Excuse: “So, it turns out that I can’t even quarrel with him for the last time?” At first, it may seem that you will feel better if you call him and start a scandal. You may feel like you let him get away with it. But believe me, nothing you want to tell him will be a revelation to him. And you already have something to spend your time on.

Excuse: "But I just want an answer." Do you deserve to know what really happened? Without a doubt. I can tell you what happened: you dated a terrible person.

Remember:

He may indeed be in the hospital suffering from amnesia, but more likely he's just not that into you.

The lack of an answer is his answer to you.

Don't give him the opportunity to reject you again.

Let his mother make scandals for him. And you're too busy for that.

There is no mystery here: he simply left your life, and he was unworthy of you.

9. He doesn’t like you that much if he’s married (this includes all the other, most incredible reasons)

If you cannot love each other freely and openly, then it is not true love.

Remember:

He is married.

If he doesn't belong to you entirely, then he belongs to her.

There are a lot of cool and gentle single men in the world. Try to meet one of them.

10. He doesn’t like you that much if he behaves like a selfish egoist, a braggart.

If he really loves you, he will try his best to make you happy.

Excuse: “But he really wants to improve.” Loving people try to treat each other well and even take pleasure in showing tenderness and care to their loved ones. If your partner is very bad at this, then in the end you will reap the same benefits as in the situation called “He doesn’t like you that much.”

Excuse: “But that’s just the way he was raised.” It's not necessary for him to go crazy over your CD collection. He doesn't have to like all your shoes. But any full-fledged and prudent man is simply obliged to make an effort and love your friends and your family.

Excuse: "But he will change." Temper is not a temporary problem. People who yell at others simply do not know how to control themselves and need psychiatric help. People who yell at others think they have a right to do so.

Justification: “The only thing that matters is what happens between us in private.” Why be with a person who needs to humiliate you in order to feel superior? Especially in front of friends! Why should you care if he treats you better when you're alone?

Excuse: "But he's just trying to help." It is very difficult to believe that you deserve true love when someone is trying their best to convince you that you are not worthy of anything in this life. But, as I see, all the exhortations to break up with him still have no effect on you. So first of all, just realize: you are too good for this kind of relationship.

Remember:

You shouldn’t complicate an already difficult life by sharing it with a person who gives you a lot of trouble.

You deserve a man who will behave with you appropriately in any situation. (Don't forget that you should treat him well too.)

By getting rid of useless people, you will have a lot of free time that you can spend on what gives you pleasure.

Well, in the end, girls, you are gorgeous. Don't forget about this and value yourself.

Communication between a man and a woman is one of the most common ways of interaction. From the very beginning, partners communicate. To attract a man, you need to communicate with him correctly. To build harmonious relationships, partners need to communicate and understand each other.

This aspect of any relationship is very important and practically the main thing, since thanks to communication you can fall in love with yourself, explain the motives of your actions, make peace or break up.

The first important aspect of the online magazine site highlights a woman’s ability to remain herself. Many people have a desire to adapt to the style and manner of their interlocutors, to agree with everything and laugh about everything. Psychologists recommend not to lose yourself when communicating with men. The woman who remains herself is more attractive:

1. She is not afraid to object.
2. She speaks her mind.
3. She is interested in many things and is not afraid to show her intelligence.
4. She supports the man in what she herself agrees with.
5. She knows how to be silent in time to listen to a man.

How to communicate with men?

Communication with men is one of the main aspects of building relationships with them. It is important to consider many factors here. You try, you do something, but you see that all this causes a negative reaction, your efforts are not appreciated. But have you asked your partner if he needs it? Maybe you act from your ideas about what is good, what will save, what will help, what will improve life. And a person may have a completely different set of ideas about what he would like to see better.

Talk. Ask. It's complicated. Ask the question: “What do you understand by this? How do you feel when I do this? What would you do in this situation? What did you expect from me in this situation: what words, actions?”

Partners quite often forget about the meaning of communication in a love relationship. How can you be sure that you are doing everything right if you don’t ask your partner anything, and he doesn’t tell you anything?

You shouldn't expect a person to figure everything out on his own. Tell or write directly about how you see the situation from your side, but without complaints or criticism. Give your partner the opportunity to express your vision of the situation, because it also seems to him that he did the right thing. Understand what you were wrong about, and he, if he wants, will understand what he was wrong about. Everyone, realize your mistakes and correct them on your own if you see fit. And remember the benefits of communication: talk about your desires and express your dissatisfaction, but do it without complaints or criticism, so that the other person wants to hear and not defend themselves from you.

To build a harmonious and happy relationship, you need to remember the following: your partner is not a psychic, so if you want something, you must declare it, tell it.

Your partner must understand what you want from him. However, this understanding occurs only if you clearly and clearly tell him about your desires. Do you think your loved one can please you if you don’t tell him what exactly makes you happy? Some people think that their partners should guess their desires or somehow naturally do what makes them happy. But this cannot happen in real life. Firstly, people cannot read each other's thoughts, so you need to voice them if you want them to be realized. Secondly, each person has his own ideas about what a happy relationship is. And no matter how much people in love would like to be similar to each other, they are still different in their dreams and ideas about life. Therefore, one partner can do what he considers necessary, but this will not be enough for his other half.

So that your partner understands what you want from him, voice your desires. And do it in such a way that he understands you. Speak briefly, clearly, clearly. Remember, if your partner doesn't understand what you're talking about, it means you're expressing your thoughts incorrectly. It is not your loved one who does not understand something, but you do not express your thoughts in such a way that you are understood. Therefore, choose words that could convey to your partner the thought that you want to express to him. Don't waste time on grievances that still won't bring the desired result.

Your partner must understand what you want from him. And this means that you should not remain silent. It is better to speak up and be misunderstood, quarrel or look demanding, than to remain silent and be offended that your loved one does not read your thoughts and does not make you happy. While you are silent, your partner is rightfully not doing what you want him to do. After all, how can you do something if you don’t know what they want from you? Therefore, it is better to say and sometimes be misunderstood, but soon have the right to declare that your wishes have been expressed. Otherwise, it becomes your own fault for remaining silent and your significant other not knowing about your needs.

Let's consider the most important aspects of proper communication with men.

1. The first is to express your thoughts and desires directly and clearly. Men don't take hints. For him to understand you, you must clearly and clearly say what you want from him.

All people want to be understood. But why does everyone want the same thing, but cannot receive and give it to each other? The answer is very simple: people do not know how to express their desires, thoughts, feelings, fears. How can you understand a person who cannot clearly express his thoughts or does not know what he wants?

Many men sometimes laugh at the fact that women do not understand their desires. But this problem is also inherent in men themselves. People, regardless of gender, often do not understand their true desires, goals and feelings. Why are you angry? Why are you in a bad mood? Why do you love this particular person and not another, for example, your neighbor? People often want something, but don't know why they want it. Or it may happen that they want it not because they need it, but because they envy someone.

If you delve deeper into the thoughts, feelings and desires of people, you will notice that some desires are absolutely unnecessary, feelings are habitual reactions to certain external stimuli (that is, a person is used to, for example, being offended by something, and he does it always, without thinking about not being offended). What about thoughts? People often have so many thoughts in their heads, and sometimes they are so contradictory that they get lost.

If you have such a mess going on in your head, then what kind of understanding can we talk about? How can another person understand you if you are deceiving yourself, if you cannot express your thoughts clearly and clearly, if you yourself do not even understand what you want? To be understood, you need to be able to explain your desires and thoughts, and do it clearly and directly. Can you do that? Do you sometimes evade answers? Are you embellishing your stories? Are you talking about only one side of the coin, without indicating the other side?

To be understood, you need to learn to explain your desires and thoughts. Do not pretend to understand if you cannot openly express your desires to the person. People around you should not read your thoughts or guess your desires. If you want understanding, then learn to communicate with other people. Otherwise, you rightfully lose the opportunity to be understood.

1. Know how to be silent and listen to a man. A good interlocutor must be able not only to speak and tell something interesting, but also to listen to his partner, give him the opportunity to speak, and at the same time remain heard and understood.

1. Do not cause negative emotions in a man about himself. While communicating with you, he should not experience shame, decreased self-confidence or self-esteem. For a man to be comfortable with you, he must continue to be himself and see that you accept him that way.

1. Don't quarrel or make trouble. It is advisable not to do this at the beginning of a relationship, and also to keep it to a minimum in the future. Quarrels are natural between partners. But make sure there are as few serious scandals as possible. Sometimes it is better to remain silent than to insist on your opinion, which will force a man to defend himself again and prove his position.

Silence is gold! And by being silent more than you speak, you get many advantages and benefits.

Silence is gold! While you are silent, others are speaking. This is a kind of observance of etiquette so that the silence does not drag on, which makes many people feel awkward. And since people around you have to talk, it means you can learn a lot about them. They tell you about their life, about their plans, about interesting things, etc. Perhaps this is much more valuable than you talking about what you already know. Other people reveal their secrets to fill the silence that you provoke with your silence. What a person says, how he does it, how he reacts to your silence - all this is useful information that you cannot get when you speak yourself. After all, while you are talking, the interlocutors only have to smile and nod their heads. But when they speak, and you listen to them, then they already have to show their nature.

Silence is gold! If you don't talk much, then watch the information you voice. And this leads to the fact that you do not reveal your secrets, which can be used against you. You can't know how kindly other people treat you. And while you say little, you think about what to tell your interlocutor, thereby not expressing what he does not need to know until you are sure of his loyalty.

There is strength in your silence, and this is manifested in the fact that while you are silent, to other people you seem shy, secretive, weak. But how can they know that in fact you are silent precisely because you do not want to waste your energy and nerves on your ill-wisher. While your enemy perceives your silence as weakness, in fact you are silent because you do not consider it necessary to reveal your plans to someone who hates you. “He who laughs last laughs” is exactly about when you are simply waiting for the right time to take an action that will realize your goals. And this is your strength! While your enemy screams and says a lot of insults, you remain silent, because you are not determined to empty chatter and bickering, but to actions that will make your desires come true. And your enemy is defeated, because he is unhappy from unfulfilled desires, and you are successful.

Be silent because many people consider this to be a weakness. But only the person who talks less and does more understands that in fact he is stronger than all the talkers, since he is more successful in life than they are. And remember those situations when a silent person achieves what his opponent could not achieve, all this is revealed and it turns out that the strong one is not the one who talks a lot, but the one who speaks to the point and acts in a timely manner.

How to communicate with any man?

Men are very similar in their psychology, so you can use the following recommendations with your favorite partner of the stronger sex:

1. If you communicate with a man after work, then it is better not to touch upon serious topics that require resolution. Give the man a rest before moving on to solving problems.
2. If a man is irritated and worried, then there is no need to ask him what happened. Better provide him with comfort and peace of mind. Let him think through his problems on his own and then share his thoughts with you when he's rested.
3. If you want something from a man, then tell him directly. There is no need to manipulate or put pressure on feelings of guilt, as this can cause the opposite effect.
4. Don't put pressure on the man. Let him make his own decisions.
5. Avoid lengthy introductions and unnecessary words. Men get tired of this, they don’t know where you’re going with this.

How to communicate with a man on the Internet?

Today, people meet more and more often on the Internet, so communicating with a man via the Internet will be decisive in the development of relationships:

1. Keep the conversation interesting. Don't answer in just one word.
2. Ask questions and always answer the man's questions.
3. There is no need to give out all the information about yourself, the main thing is to tell the essence or some details.
4. Use emoticons less, follow the rules of grammar and spelling more.

Bottom line

In fact, it is very easy to communicate with men. Follow just one principle, and then any man will feel comfortable communicating with you. It goes like this: treat a man as a healthy and complete person who is right in his opinions and views, even if they do not agree with yours. Everyone has the right to be individuals who are different from others. If you learn to accept a man as he is, then he will be interested in communicating with you.

Reading time: 2 min

Communication with men, namely effective interaction with representatives of the stronger half, is based on different laws than communication between a woman or an adult with a child. Here it is necessary to take into account psychological characteristics, whether there is communication with a former man or with someone for whom you currently have sympathy, or just with a friend. You need to talk directly about your own needs and wishes. The most correct formulation for understanding a man contains exclusively bare facts, excluding hints, double understanding and an abundance of emotional details.

Naturally, questions of morality and sensitivity remain relevant. What seems rude to your friend may seem rude to a man. His desire to appear strong and hide acute feelings does not cancel the feeling of resentment, but you will not immediately understand that you have offended him in some way. The woman will most likely make it clear with all her appearance that you have made her unpleasant or will speak out openly. A man will hide his feelings, and you can guess this if he avoids communication, closes off emotionally, and does not make the first contact.

Nobody likes pretense, so try from the first day of communicating with a man to be yourself, and not try to pretend to be another woman. It may seem to you that the simulated image is more attractive and bewitching, but you should think about how long you can stay in it. Any representative of the stronger half will be overtaken by disappointment when the masks are removed and this is no longer due to the fact that the real you is not suitable for him, but to the fact that any trust in the person who deceived him at the beginning completely disappears.

Even the woman herself, such a masquerade is very harmful, because then it is not those men who are interested in her, but those who are able to appreciate her real one pass by. The fictitious relationship still collapses, only by the time the cards are revealed, attachment is established, and the breakup is more difficult, but they could have simply passed by.

Psychology of communication with men

Another psychological feature lies in the difference in reality. Thus, a woman is able to simultaneously monitor and participate in several processes - cook dinner, help children, advise a colleague on the phone. A man is focused on only one process, that is, if he is currently nailing a shelf or driving a car, then it is useless to talk to him. He nods in response, but after a while you discover that he does not remember the information. Such a mechanism has been formed over many years of evolution, and a man cannot change it, just as a woman cannot immerse herself completely in just one thing. The need to monitor the household, maintain the hearth, notice the approach of a predator and respond to the crying of children developed multitasking in a woman, while the need to obtain food and successfully hunt developed in a man extreme concentration on one task. If you want to discuss something important or so that the information you say is taken into account, then choose a special time for the conversation when the man can concentrate as much as possible. It is better to discuss a suitable time period in advance to avoid misunderstandings (if a man is looking at a dark laptop screen, this does not mean that he is free; perhaps the system is being reinstalled).

Features of speech and the construction of phrases also play a significant role during communication between a man and a woman. It may seem to ladies that her interlocutor is not emotional, is not involved in the situation, or does not understand the full depth of her experiences just because most men’s phrases are specific and have few adjectives in their structure. At the same time, a large number of sensual and descriptive words can plunge a man into a stupor from an overabundance of information. If you want to be heard, speak factually and reduce the emotionality of your speech (expressive statements, loud voice, bright gestures). An outburst of emotions, for the sake of an outburst, is better to leave to your friends or warn the man in advance.

If help is required from a man, then after the indicated situation, it is necessary to summarize it and ask for specific actions or ask if he can do what is necessary (be sure to list everything). If you complain that the door does not open well, then in the end you need to ask to solve this problem, lubricate the hinges, replace the lock, or give your opinion. When a woman leaves a situation simply expressed, a man perceives this as a description of the surrounding reality, but cannot always guess that they want active action from him to transform this fact.

But there is also the opposite situation, when a woman complains simply to speak out and relieve emotional stress. Representatives of the stronger half are guided by different principles, so any dissatisfaction with their loved one can be perceived as a call for help. When you don’t need advice, much less a change in the situation, but simply sympathy and support, then you need to inform the man about this in advance (before the monologue). Otherwise, the tyrant boss may have his windshield broken and his last money used to buy earrings with sapphires (after all, they were the ones you missed until you cried just last night).

There is only one topic worth discussing in the dialogue – these are the rules of communication with men. Even if you have removed emotional outbursts and clearly formulated your needs, a couple of jumps on other topics can nullify all your efforts. A man is able to perform only one task and discuss only one topic. Inefficiency can manifest itself in various ways: a man may be indignant and not understand the turn of the conversation, he may consider the previous topic not significant, since he switched to another, when you return to this topic.

Many people choose to cause shame and guilt in a man as a manipulative strategy. It is truly critically effective, since men are practically unable to tolerate these feelings, but if it becomes too frequent, then they simply leave those women who make them feel this way all the time.

Women's tricks for communicating with men

Based on knowledge of psychological characteristics and a subtle feeling of the states of another person, special methods of communication, called tricks, are built. Usually they serve to attract attention, to fall in love, to seduce, and to occupy a position that is significant for a man.

The same feature for both sexes is the desire to feel better, chosen, and significant. If a woman manages to look at a man as the smartest and most handsome, then he will feel like that and begins to act accordingly. The initial role plays a big role here, and if it is underestimated, then too loud admiration can cause a lot of doubts and mistrust. The one who remains completely enchanted is the one who feels his uniqueness and superiority for quite a long time and under any conditions. No, a man is unlikely to become arrogant and go inspired to other places, because he clearly understands that he feels like the king of this world only in the presence of a specific woman.

Men love to be strong at the level of action, and the more situations a woman creates where he can show his positive qualities, the more heroic he will feel. You don’t need to get a dragon for this; you can ask them to show you home or help you install an application on your smartphone. It’s great if a woman doesn’t get lost without a man’s help and can change the faucet and hang a shelf, but it’s better to hide such personal skills, at least in his presence.

Showing direct strength and knowledge is not always appropriate; it is better to leave this field of activity for male self-realization. Female strength manifests itself in other things that delight men - this is affection, kindness, tenderness, and not only towards him, but towards the whole world. Feed a hungry dog, calm a crying child, help a pensioner figure out an ATM, bring treats for the whole team.

When communicating with a man, it is important to maintain a balance between defending your opinion and submission. On the one hand, completely submitting to a man is stupid, even if it is your husband, if you are not connected by any relationship, then doubly so. Defending one’s position, arguing an opinion, and the ability to do things in defiance turn on the hunter’s instinct in men; this ignites passion and interest. On the other hand, complete and widespread resistance, presenting one’s information as the only important one can quickly kill male interest. You want to leave such a woman alone, since she herself knows everything perfectly well. Any man is pleased when he is listened to; he becomes responsible and caring when a woman sacrifices her principles and does as he said. This is not just submission, it is a transfer of power, respectively responsibility, and therefore large moral and emotional investments. The more we are responsible for someone, the more attached we become. If this is not total submission and infantilism, otherwise the reaction may be the opposite.

The most important thing in communicating with a man is support and care, not in a maternal way, which is more like edification and control, but in a feminine way. This is an active manifestation of interest in his opinions and affairs, but the ability to live his own life. This is care, which is manifested in necessary situations, along with faith in his strength - there is no need to travel across the whole city with bandages if he injured his hand, but it makes sense to prepare hot tea if a man is sick.

How to tell a man what you don't like

Reproaches, as a way of conveying information about one’s own dissatisfaction with the behavior of another, are the most common, but least effective way. This usually causes an irrational defensive position, where a woman can be argued why she is to blame for what happened, or simply withdraw from communication. A separate difficulty is communicating with your ex-man and trying to explain to him your dissatisfaction if he decided that you were just playing and testing his perseverance. It is in expressing negativity that the male desire for directness and honesty fails in the adequacy of perception.

It is optimal if a woman is able to convey information not in the form of accusations, but by indicating her own negative emotions from what is happening. That is, it is not the man who is bad, but the woman who feels bad in such a situation, and not so bad when she turns into an evil fury, demolishing everything along the way, but in such a way that she remains a gentle, loving and caring, but upset and saddened woman.

You will have to report your disorder several times before visible changes occur, since the man is always convinced that this is a systematic phenomenon, and not just once under the influence of his mood. It is important to speak about your dissatisfaction right away, because the fact that he did not meet you after an international conference at night at the airport in winter will not be relevant in June, or even be forgotten. As soon as an unpleasant situation occurs, you must immediately communicate why and how it upsets you, and not the man, but the situation (for example, “when I’m alone at night, I’m afraid and upset that there’s no one to protect me” instead of “you leave me alone at night”).

A man should always have a choice of what to do, but you must inform him of your own feelings regarding what is happening if you want at least some chance of change.

When communicating with a man, you should talk about your feelings, and not catch him not keeping promises and force him to fulfill them with ultimatums (these are methods of court sentences). It is unlikely that a mentally normal person will want to appear with someone who says “call me three times a day,” but the wording “I feel unnecessary if you don’t call” can change something inside a person, while maintaining his freedom. It is important that at this moment you yourself can do whatever you want with your negative feelings - you can endure it, or you can meet with your friends and get communication there, instead of beating it out of a man.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"