The initiative of a woman in relation to a man - is she needed? Which makes the lady take matters into her own hands. The attitude of men to women's activity. How to show your sympathy and when not to do it.

The content of the article:

Women's initiative is more of a response to male indecision than a manifestation of emancipation. This is how a woman interprets her behavior, since not all princes decide to take the first step. And sometimes they just don't want to do it. Therefore, it is very important to know whether the initiative on the part of the girl is appropriate and decent.

Causes of a man's passivity

There are representatives of the fair sex who do not wonder how the chosen “object” will perceive their activity. They just act. However, most women are still focused on gender stereotypes, one of which says that the initiative in relationships is the prerogative of a man.

He is a protector, a provider, a conqueror. He chooses, achieves and reserves the right to decide how long the relationship will be. However, either women are in a hurry to live, or men do not seek to change their usual way of life, but decisive action on the part of the latter sometimes takes a long time. And there can be many reasons for this.

The most common reasons for the lack of initiative of men in a relationship:

• Timidity. Indecision, self-doubt - one of the highest barriers in front of a man on the way to a woman he liked. These feelings literally paralyze him, especially near the object of passion.
• Circumstances. As an obstacle to joint happiness on the part of a man, his personal attitudes (difference in age, social status, financial situation), national and racial characteristics and restrictions can also act. In many companies, firms and organizations, office romances are not welcome, which can also deter male activity.
• Fear of failure. Previous failures in a relationship can significantly moderate the ardor of even the most active member of the stronger sex. Disappointment in women can change a man's behavior in two ways: either block his desire to start a new relationship, or change the vector towards intermittent relationships.
• Loss of interest. The reason that a man does not show interest in you may be that this same interest has disappeared from him. This may be the result of stagnation in a relationship, loss of feelings, meeting another woman. The worst option is a sharp cooling of the relationship after the man got his. Especially if the initiator of the relationship was a woman.
• gender stereotype. Adherents of masculinity in relationships categorically do not accept the activity of women. Therefore, one of the possible reactions to a woman's attempts to build a relationship with him on her own may be ignoring. Or a complete loss of interest, even if he was before the first steps of a woman - after all, she stole from him the chance to do everything himself.
• Not contact. If the man you like is quite active, successful and self-confident, but does not show interest in you, most likely you have not touched the string in him that would make him act.
• infantilism. Passivity in relationships with the opposite sex is the natural behavior of men who live and make all decisions under the strict control of family members from childhood. female. They cannot do otherwise.
• An abundance of offers. The modern man is really spoiled by the number of beautiful free women eager to get married. The statistics once voiced in famous song, has not been relevant for a long time: today for 9 unmarried men there are no longer 10, but 45-55 unmarried women. Ready for almost anything to arrange your personal life. This relaxes the "grooms" - the "brides" will do everything themselves.

In addition, male lack of initiative can be explained by a simple reluctance to start serious relationship and get married. There is a category of men for whom loneliness is a comfortable state of life, which they do not allow to invade. Or they do, but on their own terms.

Peculiarities of men's attitude to women's initiative

All men are different. Therefore, the initiative of a woman in a relationship is perceived by them differently. They can even be divided into several types.

The main types of men in relation to the initiative from a woman:

1. Businessmen. He has everything scheduled for several months in advance, there is a lot of work to do, and his head is occupied with business plans, projects, problems and meetings. Therefore, the tactics of "working" with him must be chosen appropriately - direct and clear. Decided to take the first step - make an appointment with the exact time and exact address. In this case, coquetry and other female "tricks" have little chance - he may simply not notice them.
2. Master. A man of this way of life a priori does not accept women's initiative. His whole life is a set of rules. His rules. He decides everything himself. Therefore, attempts to directly influence his feelings and decisions are initially unsuccessful. But if you dream of just such a solid shoulder, try to take it with simple worldly joys, which, by the way, he appreciates very much. It can be unobtrusive care, interest in his life, delicious simple food and hints of how much you love home comfort and family values. And no hint of a career, independence and self-sufficiency.
3. Romantic nature. One of the most difficult types, since the romantic principles of courtship involve the initiative exclusively from a man: flowers, gifts, dates and original declarations of love. In this case, your active position can be veiled into friendly (friendly) relations. You can start with simple requests for help: change a light bulb, deal with a gadget, fix a faucet, etc. (depending on what your chosen one is into). And while he's dealing with your vital problem, chirp him about how much you love romance and how important it is in a relationship.
4. . Assertive initiative in relations with men of this type is not always successful, despite the apparent ease of "processing" the gentleman. At the last moment, an insecure man can back out. Due to doubts about the sincerity of interest: are there mercantile nuances involved here or a desire to get married urgently (according to the option “for fishlessness - and cancer is a fish”). And the older such a "groom", the more cautious he is. Such a man can succumb to your female tricks only with full confidence that you are driven by a really sincere feeling, and not by him. material values(apartment, car, money) or your need to gain status married woman(due to age, unwillingness to live with parents, as revenge on another man, etc.).

How to show women's initiative

If your man does not have any of the above "contraindications" to relationships, you can move on to more specific actions. However, first decide for yourself with three points. First: do you really need your chosen one. Second: what will you do with it if you succeed. Third: what to do in case of refusal. And only after that you can decide on tactics and look for the most effective method how to take the initiative in dealing with the chosen object of attention.

Preparatory stage

If being active in relationships with the opposite sex isn't exactly your thing, sit down and do a thorough soul-searching on the subject. The categorical internal rejection of such an idea should be a good reason for you to choose a different tactic to attract attention. Even if you don’t have such experience at all, but there is enthusiasm, a desire to get the man of your dreams and at least a drop of confidence that he will reciprocate, start preparing for action.

To make your initiative as natural and easy as possible, practice on other members of the stronger sex. Meet the men in in public places(transport, shops, cafes, cinemas, offices, organizations, etc.). The reason for acquaintance may be a request for help, advice, consultation or simple communication on free topics.

Your goal is to learn how to talk at ease and freely to your interlocutor that he is nice and pleasant to you during communication. And also calmly and easily accept any reaction on his part. As soon as you feel ready to express your sympathy to anyone without any problems young man and just as easily survive any response, you can safely proceed to actions in relation to your chosen one.

Stranger Initiative

If you are thinking about whether to take the initiative in a relationship with a man who you do not know, but really liked, then there is no definite answer to this question. Just like the same men.

Someone will be very pleased with the attention from an unfamiliar (or unfamiliar) woman, and someone may react ambiguously to attempts to establish contact. Therefore, it is better to start with intelligence - how he will react to the most transparent hints of sympathy.

To do this, first just keep your eyes on it a little more than usual. If no inadequate consequences follow this, at the next meeting, smile slightly at him, because he is already almost your acquaintance. It is much easier to act if you very often intersect with your object of attention (at work, in the yard, in an educational institution, gym, in transport, etc.).

Having become familiar with each other, it will not be difficult to move from smiles to greetings and one day to say “Hi” to him. Just like that, in passing. Or ask for help - any, even the most insignificant. And do not forget to show reciprocal sympathy if a man “bites”.

Active actions in relation to a familiar man

The fact that you know each other, on the one hand, makes the task easier, and on the other hand, complicates it. After all, he has not yet shown increased interest in you. Such a nuance requires delicacy in behavior so as not to reproach yourself for what you have done and not hide your eyes in case of refusal.

The beginning of your actions is standard - light flirting, the purpose of which is to inform a friend that he is pleasant, interesting and attractive to you. Flirt as gently and unobtrusively as possible.

Your main weapons are hints, play, jokes, mystery (in moderation) and charm. No pressure and jealous attacks. If your future boyfriend is included in your game, it means that he cares about you too and did everything right. Now you can gradually give the initiative into his hands.

If all your attempts to attract attention do not touch him in any way or, moreover, make him avoid you, leave such a “groom” alone. He is not the last and not the only one. So there is no need to waste your precious energy.

The return of the interest of the former lover

The object of activity on the part of a woman does not have to be a man who, for some reason, does not show initiative towards her. Quite often, after some thought (or circumstance), we want to attract the attention of our ex or the person whose advances went unanswered. If a breakup or an attempt to start a relationship went smoothly and civilized, the chances of attracting the attention of such a man are quite high.

First you need to get in touch with him - in any way and under any pretext. It can be a congratulation on some holiday, lyrical memories of the old days of relationships or friendship, a request for help, etc. That is, you need to remind yourself and come up with a reason to meet.

After establishing contact, communication can be "seasoned" with small hints and signs of attention that would show him that there is something more than friendship between you.

However, you also need to be careful here, especially if you were the culprit of the failed "love-story". A man can remember everything and look closely at your behavior and emotions. Your task is to prove to him that everything is sincere and honest on your part. And do it delicately, gradually.

Important! Remember a very important rule of women's initiative - do not be intrusive. Therefore, if you decide to be the first to invite a man on a date, he should invite him to all subsequent meetings.

Taboo for women's initiative

There are cases when taking the first steps in relation to a man is not just inconvenient, but inappropriate or even not decent.

Cases when it is better to refuse the initiative in a relationship with a man:

• Object already taken. If your chosen one already has a serious relationship or family (especially with children), do not try to build your happiness on someone else's misfortune. It has been tested for centuries: nothing good comes of it. An absolute taboo if his wife or girlfriend is in an interesting position.
• Object - rude. The man you have chosen does not consider it necessary to treat you with elementary respect, to observe the rules of politeness and friendliness. That is, he can afford to make fun of you, be rude, make fun of you, make rude remarks and use foul language.
• Object - not your field berry. That is, between you there is an abyss of social or material origin. It is not worth arguing with the rule derived by the ancient Romans, according to which love loves equals. Even if you are very impressed with the story of Cinderella, remember that in it the initiative came from the Prince. If the man you love has a higher status, it is better to make an effort to get as close as possible to him: learn, develop, achieve success yourself.
• Object - not by age. A misalliance can also happen in the case of unequal relationships, when the age difference is more than 20 years towards seniority and more than 10 years towards a younger man. Such age gaps create a certain vacuum in interests, hobbies, life principles and the perception of life in general. Therefore, activity here may cause an inadequate reaction in your object of attention.
• Object - target. No need to spoil your karma and try to win a man out of selfish or some kind of personal goals. Revenge, position, connections and wealth, of course, paint a man, but you should not put them in the first place. Focus solely on your feelings for him - real, honest. Otherwise, you may get a not entirely pleasant answer both from the object of passion itself and from the all-seeing Universe.
• Object - ghost. Of course, conditionally. The term “ghost” refers to a man who regularly disappears from your life without warning or explanation. If he does not consider it necessary to inform you of his "movements", you should not make an effort to return him to his native nest. If he doesn't think so. Look for a new life partner who will be next to you in a constant orbit.

Important! Don't forget that you are a woman. Sensual, worthy of respect and good relationship. Therefore, turn on intuition and reason at the same time, they will definitely prompt the right choice.

Watch the video about the women's initiative:

Women's initiative in relationships is largely the result of our fast-paced time, when modern woman decides to take matters into his own hands. And there are many examples where such pressure brings beneficial results in the form of lasting relationships. Similarly, there are many failed examples. Therefore, each girl must choose her own position in relations with a particular man.

Modern open relationships are now a slightly different concept than they were a couple of decades ago. If earlier students who simply simply could not provide for their families participated in them, of course, temporarily, while they simply paid attention to a certain person. However, then, as a rule, this girl became a wife.

Now open relationships are interpreted in a completely different way. For example, if a certain couple has a kind of contract for an open relationship, then each of the participants can walk separately from the second, without informing him. Moreover, sexual infidelity is quite acceptable here.

The initiators of such relationships are those partners who cannot yet sort out their feelings, who feel that the feelings are over, but feel sorry for the second partner, rarely, both partners really do not want to commit themselves to anything. Most often, it is a man who initiates an open relationship. The thing is that the strong half is simply simply afraid, she thinks that official meetings deprive them of the lion's share of freedom. In fact, that's the way it is.

The motives of an open relationship are as follows: a guy and a girl meet for a pleasant pastime, they make love, do not lie to each other, force something, demand something. Each of the partners lives his own life, he does not expect anything from the second participant in the relationship and does not have the right to encroach on his freedom. On the one hand, it may seem that these relationships are ideal. However, if you look at it, it becomes clear that one of the partners is so in love that he agrees to any conditions, just to be there. Therefore, such a relationship is very dangerous, becoming a member with a strong love, you must immediately get rid of it.

Advantages

In everything that happens in life, there are positive moments, only somewhere there are more of them, and somewhere less. The same is true with the type of connection under consideration. So, the advantages of an open relationship:
- non-burdensomeness. There is no need for a man to buy flowers for a woman on March 8th, to remember her birthday, or to listen to the claims of her mother-in-law. A woman, in turn, does not need to wash other people's socks, iron shirts, or do household chores. Very convenient for both parties. Of course, there may be exceptions here, but they are more likely to be of an agreed nature;
- no dependency. Each of the partners independently buys hygiene products, products and other items that they consider necessary. Consequently, none of them will be able to reproach the other for bringing home money, and in return does not receive, for example, dinner or affection;
- lack of time frames. You meet only when you want or when it is convenient for both partners. There is no need to inform about where you are going to spend the weekend, who you are going shopping with or how much you plan to drink at a bachelorette party.

Considering this type of relationship from this side, one gets the impression that it is best to have them. However, the coin has always had two sides.

Disadvantages of Open Relationships

Free relations have much more disadvantages, consider the main ones:
- lack of morality. No matter how uninhibited modern youth is, you will still be accused of low spirituality, because you simply have sex with a person, and your plans do not include creating a family.
- a clear clarification of where the first place is occupied by sex. Naturally, there can be no talk of any love, but there are cases when quite serious, strong families were obtained from free relationships.
- lack of plans for the future. It would look very stupid if one of the partners agreed to an open relationship, and at the same time was going to start a family, give birth to children;
- Constant feeling of jealousy. As already mentioned, this type of relationship precludes fidelity. And most people are possessive, they will constantly experience jealousy, despite the fact that they themselves do the same. This feeling becomes most often a break in such relationships.
- fragility. By agreeing to this type of relationship, you need to understand for sure that your partner can stop meeting with you at any time, and he may refrain from explaining why he decided to do this.
- irresponsibility. Prepare yourself for the fact that if you have trouble, your partner does not need to help you solve them. It is not uncommon for this to be the cause of the breakup.

Despite so many shortcomings, open relationships are still common, they can be found now quite often. Apparently the advantages, even if they are few, more than cover the disadvantages.

Who is the initiator of the relationship? man or woman?

Hello! I have no moral right to advise, I want to say what I would do. From what I read, it became clear to me that the situation is serious and it can radically change your future life. Therefore, I would act decisively because there is something to fight for. I would approach an intractable teacher and tell him something like this - I understand that in this situation it is my fault, but my future depends on how it is resolved. Of course, you have every right to do as you see fit, but... I ask you to give me the opportunity to continue my studies and become a specialist. It so happened that now it depends only on you whether I will have the opportunity to learn and develop as a person, or whether I will have to return to where the most that I will get is the unstable job of a seller in the nearest market. If you let me stay, then I promise to do my best so that you never have to regret your act. P.S. somehow I would say so, and I give a 90% guarantee that your teacher will not be ready for such a revelation and will have mercy on you. Only you need to say everything sincerely and convincingly, and, of course, preferably without witnesses. Good luck;)

I can't answer I have the same problem

The one who is stronger. But a woman must not go into inadmissible licentiousness. Otherwise, there will be no respect for her. The cynicism with which partners often put up is very frightening. There will be no point in such a relationship. And age has nothing to do with it. At any age there is passion and love and affection.

I believe that both parties should contribute to the relationship.

pair

depends on the couple

In my opinion, the initiator is a man, at least it is prudent. And the woman, in turn, makes a decision and carefully presents it to the man. In cases where the initiative belongs to the weaker (or not so) sex, harmony is violated, but everything is individual, one cannot judge.

You know, a man should take the first step clearly, a woman can prove herself, interest a man somehow, but she obviously shouldn’t show activity ...

Well, there are some nuances here, it depends on who needs it more, and on the courage of a person too, so this process is not calculated by specific logic, although everyone argues in their own way!

You see the question that one of the users of the site asked the Universe, and the answers to it.

Either people who are very similar to you, or your complete opposites, answer.
Our project was conceived as a way psychological development and growth, where you can ask advice from "similar" and learn from "very different" what you do not yet know or have not tried.

Do you want to ask the Universe about something important to you?

12 chose

February 29 is a rare and exceptional day in every sense. Especially for residents (more precisely, residents) of the United Kingdom. Indeed, in England, Scotland and Ireland in ancient times there was a tradition, following which, a woman on this day can propose to a man (it is clear why such a rare date was chosen for this). Moreover, in case of refusal, the failed groom was obliged to pay a fine. So, you need to hurry: now or in four years. Men, beware!

But seriously, can a woman initiate a relationship, and what will come of this story? Our expert helped us deal with this issue psychologist Maria Pugacheva.

No matter how we celebrate every year on March 8, we still live in a man's world, and the initiative in love belongs to the stronger sex. Women are left with a second role - to agree or refuse after the man has taken the initiative. Well, perhaps, you can still flirt and build eyes to push them to action.

Is it possible to play love in reverse, to turn relationships upside down, in which the main role will belong to a woman? It all depends on what kind of man you are building a relationship with, Maria Pugacheva is sure. But in some cases, the consequences can be the most unpredictable.

Usually, enterprising women are encouraged by notorious womanizers, confident in themselves and their exploits: they are interested in a certain "game in reverse", the process itself, and the result is always positive for them. Or the women's initiative will be approved by the clamped men, insecure and not very popular with the opposite sex: this approach will be a real opportunity to build relationships. As for the "ordinary" men, accustomed to the traditional rules of courtship, there are some nuances. If a girl is initially interesting, then an easy initiative on her part will be taken with a bang and everything will go like clockwork, but assertive tactics will most likely quickly devalue her bright image. When a girl does not evoke any emotions, her active steps will be taken with hostility, and she will simply be brushed off like an annoying fly. the psychologist explained.

In some cases, you can take the initiative yourself, but you need to do this carefully, do not go ahead, and with the help of hints, smoothly transfer the initiative into the hands of a partner. Maria Pugacheva helped to imagine what it might look like. So, if a girl wants:

• Go on a date. Do not focus on the fact that this is a date. For example, call in this form: "A very beautiful park has opened, I would like to go, and you?" It does not look too intrusive, besides, the refusal to receive is not so offensive.
• Start dating. Again, we resort to allegory. For example, in this way: "If I had a young man with a character like yours, I would be happy."
• The first to confess his love. The psychologist suggests doing this not in person, but coming up with some interesting form: postcard, valentine, virtual message. No, of course, it is more pleasant to speak words of love in the face, but if a man himself has not yet confessed, he may feel a challenge, get scared and somehow react inadequately. Give him time to think, understand his attitude and develop a strategy for behavior.
• Marry. For many men, this is a sore point, so if you decide to raise it yourself, you must proceed with caution. You can first accustom a man to this thought with the help of jokes: "I'd rather not find you, I'm ready to become your wife, what do you say?" Or argue your desire to get a ring on your finger in this way: "I don't really like it when other men put wedges on me, seeing that I'm without a ring on my finger, girls can probably get close to you too, let's avoid these situations - I think we need to get married, huh?"

But in fact, the problem, of course, is not the initiative. If a man is psychologically ready for this or that decision, you can push him with your act. And if you are not ready in principle - "persuade" it definitely won't work. And no fines will help.

This madness affects not only women Everyone is subject to this madness. "This is madness" is that altered state of consciousness in which something makes us talk only about our feelings, attach importance only to what we say, and believe what we so want to believe.

Call it what you want - love, passion, lust, love, everything is one. This is a temporary psychosis, obscuration of consciousness by passion. We are in the clouds, we do not sleep, we do not eat, we do not feel pain. And no wonder - after all, our brain at this time is intensively washed with endorphins, which soothe pain.

Under the influence of this drug, we are ready to overcome any obstacles and barriers.

Under the influence of this drug, we give our chosen one tremendous power over us: his approval becomes necessary for our self-affirmation, his disapproval leads to self-condemnation.

Under the influence of this drug, we are sure that our feelings will never change. We talk about it all the time and, more curiously, we believe it.

And then the obsession passes. Like all overly strong emotions, it cannot help but pass. After all, the body cannot sleep and eat forever. Reason regains the capacity for correct evaluation. And we begin to realize that the color of the eyes does not yet speak of the merits of a person. Date time discussions turn into boring bickering. And your passion turns into irritation. No, not love is blind, but only falling in love.

Love

Ask anyone women: "Who falls in love and cools off easier - a man or a woman?", and, most likely, she will give you all those common opinions that are transmitted from mother to daughter:

Women fall in love more often.

Women keep hope longer.

Women less often become the initiators of the break.

After woman breaking suffer longer.

If you believe that women fall in love easier than men, you are wrong. If you believe any of the above statements, you are wrong!

You can re-read a lot of gothic novels, have romantic candlelight dinners, go to sentimental films, and still not be an easy prey for Cupid. Yes, we are romantic in our dreams, but our actions are quite earthly. Analyzing the differences between the concepts of "love" and "falling in love" and interviewing many men and women, I found that for the most part women do not suffer from separation syndrome at all. We look at our novels from a practical point of view!

Sometimes the beginning of love gives warmth in intimacy, warmth that we so lack in everyday life. But these are episodes of our lives that have a planned end: we in no way want to spend too much energy and time on all this, which is so necessary for our career.

In the initial period of love, we feel less responsible for our behavior.

Who said that women looking for masochism in love? Just not statistics. Dr. Zeke Rubin, a sociologist in psychology, conducted a two-year study at the Universities of Brandeis, Waltham, Massachusetts, interviewing more than a thousand students. The question was the same: "Would you agree to marry a man who would have all the qualities that you dreamed about, but with whom you would not be in love?" So, 76% of the girls answered "yes", 64% of the boys answered "no".

Since most men are supposed to be the breadwinners of the family, they can afford to choose a girlfriend who will strike their fancy. In fact, men more often than women, recognize that their marriage is the result of passionate love. It means that women more than men tend to interrupt love relationship. And they interrupt them again for practical reasons, hoping to meet a more reliable and faithful chosen one.

Men dispute the words of women that they, men, cool off more easily and more often go to others. Men say they are abandoned more often(according to statistics, 90% of men and 61% of women were deceived at least once) and they rarely go to others, they just like to have more than one close woman in their life.

Does all of the above mean that women incapable of falling in love?
Of course not! We can do it, and we are happy to do it!

In all age groups (excluding divorced women between the ages of 30 and 40) women said that, regardless of the consequences