Nowadays, you can buy almost everything. It is a pity that such a quality as kindness cannot be found on the shelves. But it can be developed. How to do it on your own, says psychologist, radio host and head of the New Horizon center Anetta Orlova.

1. Develop the skills of empathy (empathy). Learn to read other people's emotions and express your sympathy in simple words: "I understand you", "I understand your feelings". Even if at first you do it mechanically, you will gradually begin to feel that you really understand the other person.

2. When you want to say something unpleasant in response to a harsh statement from another person, take a second to put yourself in his place. Try to understand his condition. Look at the situation from the outside, like in a movie. This will help reduce the degree of irritation and respond more kindly.

3. Pump up the "muscle of kindness." Develop the best part of yourself, show care and attention every day. Sometimes this can be expressed in not noticing something, keeping silent somewhere. Do not prove your case at every step! Be careful with the genre of advice, with wishes to get married faster, with empathy for bad husband. Lamentations like “how do you live with him, so I wouldn’t live” keep to yourself. After talking with you, a person should feel easy, and not vice versa.

4. Every day in the evening, write 3 thanks to those people who helped you with something today: a smile, a word of encouragement or just candy. If you say that there is no one to write to, then you have a negative selective attention, you notice only the bad and ignore the good. In other words, ungrateful.

5. Give communicative gifts to other people. Give compliments and you will see the whole palette of human experiences: from proud acceptance to shy excuses and even refusal to accept your kind words. But even in such a situation, do not stop the practice.

6. Be kind to loved ones. We all know people who are charming for a distant circle, but real monsters for home ones. The temptation to be kind in the eyes of others is very great, because in this case the "dividends" are higher and gratitude is greater. Showing similar feelings towards those whom you encounter every day in the same kitchen and solve common problems is more difficult. And still try: provide support, if necessary. Keep silent, instead of giving advice, if the situation has already been passed and nothing can be changed. Close your eyes to any shortcomings. Do not get annoyed and do not take it out on your relatives, even if the day was not easy.

7. From negative to positive. Negative beliefs and attitudes rob us of a sense of power and opportunity, and in fact only strong man can be kind. It is very important to get rid of the devaluing and angry inner critic who constantly tells you: “where are you going”, “what else do you need”, “I am a loser”, “time has passed”, “I still won’t succeed”, “I need help nowhere”, “enemies around”, “such a man is not for you”, etc.

For each such phrase, you need to come up with a positive alternative belief and write it down on paper. If desired, this list can even be put as a screensaver on your phone.

8. Recall the times in your life when you felt that you were treated kindly, with care. Make a list of such moments in chronology from the present to childhood. Then you can do the following exercise: sit down, relax the whole body (starting with the muscles of the face and ending with the muscles of the hands and fingers). Visualize those situations, enter that state. Watch your breath. It should be even and deep. Every day, live 2-3 situations for 3-5 minutes.

9. Do good things for yourself. Every day. Don't even think about being cruel to yourself.

10. Surround yourself with kind (benevolent) people. If there are those around who always blame, show aggression, humiliate and devalue you, there simply will not be a resource for being kind. When a person is constantly in a state of emotional pressure, all the forces will be spent on overcoming, and anger and resentment will become habitual feelings.

To become kinder, start with the simplest. Learn to ask for forgiveness. If you notice that your actions or words negatively affected other people, they are upset - perhaps you did the wrong thing. Write down this situation on paper in all details and analyze it. Make a conclusion about the motives of your behavior, which brought harm to others.

Imagine yourself as a victim of this behavior and try to understand the other person's feelings. Most often, people commit wrong actions at moments of personal weakness: out of fear, anxiety, in an aggressive state, etc. Recognize that these states do not justify you, but put you in a bad light.

2. Apologize

When you realize that you have behaved incorrectly, find an opportunity to do so in any form, written or verbal, in person or indirectly. It all depends on the degree of importance of maintaining further relationships with a person. Even if he was a random person in your life, still find a way to apologize, and you will feel better knowing that you did the right thing. If both are hurt, apologize first. Make it a habit to get rid of excessive pride.

In a relationship in a couple, a good attitude is the basis of everything. What to do if the negative prevails? Let's watch the video!

Serve others correct example. In turn, learn to forgive. If they offended you, do not hide evil, even remember that everyone sees the situation from their own side. At the same time, one may not understand that it is sometimes worth apologizing not so much for the act itself, but for the fact that this act caused negative emotions. If such an understanding comes - well. If not - well, perhaps such a person is full of blind pride and communication with him should be avoided.

3. Do selfless deeds

The criteria of unselfishness are rather relative, because moral satisfaction can also serve as a motive for committing one or another action. The main thing - do not act for reasons of frank benefit for yourself.

For example, offer a person your help without requiring him to respond as a thank you. Do something that you would not have done before, indignantly, “Is there nothing else to do? And what will it be?" Take and donate to someone your free time, which you planned to devote to yourself and your interests. Just stop looking for self-interest and profit in everything.

4. Pay more attention to others

Show sincere participation, learn to listen. Find pleasure in knowing the nature of those around you. Learn to put yourself in the place of others, to empathize. To do this, when someone tells you their situation, mentally imagine everything that happens to you in the main role.

Analyze the feelings that arise. because without it, you can't build truly intimate relationships. Stop looking for a catch in everything, stop making independent conclusions about the motives of other people. You cannot know them for sure. Most likely, you will be wrong, but then wind yourself up and begin to break down on others.

Most of us, for a long time, perceive everything that they have, themselves, their whole life and all the benefits that it provides us with, as a matter of course a familiar phenomenon ...

Have you ever tried to think about how people live who are deprived, for example, of sight, arms or legs? So try at least ten or fifteen minutes a day to reflect on what you already have, regardless of your own efforts, and to whom or what you simply must be grateful for this already!

2. Feel free to always express your sincere gratitude!

It is absolutely not necessary to keep those words of gratitude that were brought to life by someone else's actions in yourself. Never forget to say the magic word: "Thank you!".

Standing in the underground passage and listening to playing the guitar on such a guitar, or, for example, did your friend give you her umbrella with her, because it suddenly started to rain heavily outside? Be sure to thank her for this: she should know how much you appreciate her caring attitude towards her own person. Indeed, sometimes the simplest and most sincere words of gratitude, uttered with a smile, can easily become the cause of a wonderful and inspiring mood for both you and the person to whom the words of gratitude were actually sent.

3. Immediately get rid of the bad habit of discussing anyone!

Probably, you have known such a wonderful expression for a long time: “Do not judge, and you will not be judged!”. Do you enjoy knowing that you are being judged for any of your words or actions? Most likely no. Therefore, you yourself are never in a hurry to sharply condemn someone's words or actions, of course, with rare exceptions, and in those cases when it is absolutely necessary, and as a result, everyone will only feel more comfortable from this.

4. You should be very careful with the words of criticism directed at someone!

Of course, fair remarks are sometimes absolutely necessary, but do not get too carried away. Remember: "Everything is good in moderation!". In the event that the ultimate goal of all the words of your criticism is the desire to humiliate a person, and not gently and tactfully, or even with a joke, notice some of his mistakes, then in the end it turns out that this is not even criticism, but what - a slander!

5. Strive for all the people around you, treat with a certain degree of understanding.

In principle, almost every person has his own opinion, as well as his own view of everything that happens in this world. However, this should not create any problems for you at all in order to carefully listen to any point of view that differs from yours and even try to understand and, perhaps, even accept it.

It is this manner of communication and behavior with people around you that will help you to always be sociable, and to a greater extent expand your horizons. Only people who are too limited and even stubborn people are simply afraid and hate to hear an opinion that is fundamentally different from their own opinion!

6. Try to compliment people around you as often as possible.

Try to focus your attention precisely on everything that you like about them at least a little bit. And, of course, it is absolutely not worth paying increased attention and even noticing those little things and any shortcomings of those around you that annoy you.

In principle, you can note exactly what you consider worthy of attention and quite appropriate: a new hairstyle, makeup, some interesting details of clothing, a beautiful smile ...

Very often someone's, especially pleasant compliments, can inspire and even bring to life small miracles.

7. Try to do as many good deeds as possible!

If you are driving a car, be sure to give way to pedestrians, give way to public transport an elderly person.

After all, having done something very pleasant to someone and hearing words of gratitude in response or just a smile, you yourself will feel how your mood also noticeably improves!

8. Always and everywhere try to tactfully avoid any conflict situations.

Naturally, at the same time, you must make it clear that you can always stand up for yourself and for your own opinion. The fact is that you should not use your precious energy for such an empty pastime: save it better to do some of your business! And YOU will notice how much faster many of your plans and tasks have begun to be solved and carried out faster and better!

Probably, sometimes it would be much more logical to accept and put up with the situation that there are people in the world who will never understand and accept you, just like you will never accept them.

Take it for granted, and you will immediately notice how much more pleasant and easier your life has become.

9. And finally, as usual, the most important thought.

First of all, be kind to yourself! After all, kindness is actually such a holistic and even indivisible concept that the way you treat yourself is the way you will treat the people around you.

Love yourself, and then they will surely love you too!

True kindness today is a luxury that is difficult to meet in modern world. Many people think that a good person is one who simply does not do evil - however, in my opinion, this is more a neutral person than a really kind one. Kindness should be manifested primarily in thoughts and deeds, only then will a person be truly kind and will sow this energy around him.

I wrote quick guide about how to become kinder - this memo will help every person to become a little kinder. Thanks to these rules, I became a kind and sweet girl.

Why you need to be kind

It would seem that the absence of bad deeds is already great result and can you ask for more? I thought so throughout my life, until quite by chance I met a girl who was really kind and brought light and positive to everyone around her. To be honest, I was immediately interested in this - I was already thinking about how to be kinder.

It was evident that she put a lot of effort into this, she sincerely monitors herself and her behavior, tries to be nice and not conflict with anyone. From our conversations, I learned that such behavior is her personal reading positive attitude to the world and to people, which is largely dictated by religion.

Once she was in a difficult situation, and no one came to her aid. She learned a lesson from that situation, and decided that since there is so little kindness in the world, then it is necessary to increase its amount. It was with her that I consulted when I thought about how to become a kind person.

There is another side of the issue - good deeds usually return a hundredfold. It is not known how this works, but it has been noticed more than once or twice - it is worth doing a good deed to someone who needs it, in the near future you can expect gifts from fate. They are not always material (and this is even good), but they are always very significant for a person.

Benefits of Kindness

• Scientists have proven that kind people live longer. It turns out that being nice is good for health and longevity.
• Cosmetologists emphasize that kind people only become more beautiful with age - it's all about mimic wrinkles and small facial expressions, which we practically have no control over. Angry and aggressive people often have small facial muscles tense, causing the face to take on an unpleasant expression.
• When you yourself adhere to some system of behavior, a certain atmosphere gradually develops around you. And who wouldn't want to live the life of a kind and sweet girl?
• Good deeds bring unexpected dividends.
• Light people are more pleasant, they have more friends - everyone wants to be friends with a nice and calm woman.

How to get on the path to goodness

How to become kinder? First of all, you need to define for yourself what it means to be kind and sweet. When I thought about it, I came up with the following concept for myself - kindness is, first of all, a large supply of unconditional love for the world and everything around and a willingness to do something. Love for the world is a complex phenomenon, but I believe that this should be learned - and not just in order to seem nice to your friends and acquaintances, but in order to learn how to live a happy life, enjoy every day you live.

The desire to become better can be fulfilled through change. In my case, it was necessary to slightly change the concept of relations with people - I am quite caustic, and often offended people. Yes, I am sure that it was not from evil, but on the other hand, does it matter to the person whom I offended whether I did it on purpose or in passing?

I carefully considered my behavior, and decided to stop criticizing others without their asking for it, and also to refrain from harsh and stinging comments. If there is something to praise, if it is difficult to find a reason for praise - just pass by. In the end, someone else's opinion is of little interest to anyone.

The next step is to learn to do good. I sometimes fed stray animals, and I thought that this was a really good and useful thing. Isn't it bad when kittens are starving? Badly. And I, therefore, a good fellow and a lifeguard. However, then I critically looked at my actions, and realized that this was some kind of wrong kindness.

I used this technique to further correct behavior, and in this way I stopped bringing pancakes from the canteen to the office of a colleague who is on a diet, started bringing fruits and vegetables to my mother instead of sweets and sweets (it turned out that my mother practically stopped eating sweets), and began really cute in the eyes of others. Finally, I learned to listen to the people around me and take into account their wishes.

Ability to be grateful

Love for the world is also expressed. best lesson that life taught me was the ability to make the world after me a little better than it was before me. In fact, it's easy - throw away someone else's candy wrapper, deliberately smile at passers-by, put purchases at the checkout in the order that it would be more convenient for the cashier to count them. Such small actions really help to change the world, and if you start changing yourself, the world will react positively.

The ability to thank people and the universe is an important part of this path. As soon as a person begins to do something, make some decisions, follow principles, he begins to feel the value of everything that happens around him. This is a purely intangible phenomenon, but very important.

Imagine that a heavy door in the subway was not held for you, and it hurt you painfully. Surely you will be more grateful to those people who next time will hold the door, and you will not hurt yourself. Small acts of kindness from the world and the people around you deserve gratitude. Of course, it is best expressed in words or deeds, but the best gratitude in this case will be the continuation of the tradition of doing small good deeds to other people.

My experience

They helped me good books and good advice from knowledgeable people - I chose a few of my acquaintances, whom I considered positive and kind, and followed their recommendations. At first it was not easy, and then a natural shock happened to me - it was as if my eyes were opened, I began to see how much indifference was in me and in those around me. The desire to change this gave strength, and I still try to sow goodness around me.

It's not as difficult as it seems - you just need to be a little more attentive to the world. Every day I ask myself - what can I do today for the world and other people? How can I help our planet become a better place? And you know, the answer is always found.

Sometimes it's an old woman who has no one to talk to - I patiently escort her from the store to the entrance and listen to her simple news, sometimes it's volunteer work (I'm still involved in helping the animal shelter), sometimes it's just something good - to plant flowers near at home, to look after the neighbor's kids.

My relationship with my family and loved ones has also changed. I can't say that there are any drastic changes, we have always been friendly, but now my parents have begun to really trust me - they know that I will always come to the rescue. And the younger sister is not afraid to share secrets with me - because now, instead of caustic comments, she receives support and love.

New Habits

• Listen to the world and the people around you.
• Do not enter into quarrels and conflicts, try not to become their cause.
• Be sympathetic to everything that happens.
• Not only to seem nice, but also to be her - sincerity should become a faithful companion.
• Making the world around you a better place.

Now you know how to become a kind person and you can bring your plans to life. My experience helped me to reconsider my whole life, values ​​and views, I became more attentive to people, and learned to love the world as it is.

The modern world is becoming more and more cruel. If earlier kindness was considered one of the characteristics along with courage and courage, today such human qualities as vanity, the desire to be successful and the best are leading. Unfortunately, many have forgotten one simple truth: treat people the way you want them to treat you. Change yourself into better side it's never too late. So how do you become kinder to the people around you?

Often we use words without even thinking about their meaning. For example, what does the term “kindness” mean, what does “become kinder” mean? Kindness is, first of all, a tolerant attitude towards other people, regardless of their social affiliation. The synonyms of the word "kindness" are tolerance, philanthropy, tolerance. Kindness is not innate, it is one that develops throughout life. The presence of tolerance towards people depends on the attitude of a person to life in general. Anyone can learn from others.

A few tips on how to be kinder to people and the world in general:

1. Often, many things around us are taken for granted, but everything that we have, we owe to someone. Often to ourselves. Think about what is good in your life today, and mentally thank those to whom you owe it. Being kind to yourself is a great art.
2. Know how to correctly express gratitude, which, as you know, is a manifestation of God on Earth. Treat with gratitude even to unfamiliar and completely strangers: the seller in the store, the taxi driver, the janitor. Of course, one can object: “Why would I thank a person just for doing his job?” But remember how a kind word said in the morning charges you with positive energy for the whole day.
3. Give compliments, because they are great cheer up. You should not get annoyed over trifles and see only the bad in people. In every, even the most vile person, you can find something good.
4. Don't judge other people. There is always someone wrong in the world, so why waste your mental strength on these people and prove the opposite?

Question: “how to become kinder to colleagues at work?” is one of the most important. In conditions of constant competition, the struggle for career advancement, it is very difficult to remain a person in the full sense of the word. Try not to take out your irritation on colleagues and subordinates, as they are also under constant stress. Sometimes, in order to start treating a person better, you need to get to know him better. Perhaps two seemingly different people have common interests and topics for conversation.

How can you be kinder to your loved ones?

Relations in the family should be built primarily on the respectful attitude of all its members to each other. A good attitude towards people is laid down from childhood. A sense of tolerance and tolerance should be instilled in children from an early age. child, with early age accustomed to seeing a mother beaten by a drunken father, is unlikely to treat his future wife differently. About respect for elders, about kindness and compassion, you need to tell the child even before he goes to school. Children who care about animals, birds and insects grow up kinder towards the people around them. Family relationships must be trusting. Do not hide your problems from loved ones, because finding a way out of any situation is much easier together. Don't take it out on the kids. Know how to ask for forgiveness where necessary.

There can be a thousand answers to the question “how to become kinder”. Each psychologist will add a couple more from himself. Being kind to others always starts with being kind to yourself. I would like to believe that initially in a person it was nevertheless good, and not evil. And one more simple truth says: if a person is satisfied with himself and his life, he is happy and kind and ready to give his kindness to everyone around him. Perhaps in order to be kind, you first need to be happy!