First, let's try to understand the reasons for your irritation. Why this or that person causes negative emotions, and sometimes frankly infuriates. And with help, together with a psychologist, we will learn how to respond correctly to stimuli.

Why do some people annoy us?

You will be surprised, but usually we are annoyed by people who have the qualities that we ourselves have. For example, you generally have a hard time getting along with people. Over time, they joined the team, separated from colleagues and became a communicative person. But then a newcomer appeared in the team, who, like you once avoided everyone, talks little and does not share intimate secrets in the kitchen. This person begins to annoy you, because you are very similar to him. But you don't want to see it.

Another option: we are annoyed by people who behave in ways that we cannot afford. For example, you are never late and always arrive even a few minutes early. And you are very annoyed by your girlfriend, who is constantly late for 5-10 minutes. Yes, she is doing wrong here, but she begins to annoy you not because she is so ill-mannered, but because you cannot afford to be late! Not only that, you can't even afford to arrive on time and here you are again 3 minutes early!

How to deal with annoying people

Understand what is within your power and what is not. When you are near a person who annoys you, or communicate with him on the phone, remember: at this moment you cannot do anything to change him! Instead of experiencing negative emotions and poisoning yourself, accept that you are powerless, you cannot change a person.

But what you can change, since this is your attitude towards him! Learn to control your emotions, take a deep breath and just ask yourself: “Is this person worth the experience that you are experiencing right now?” Exhale, smile internally to yourself and continue communication in complete calmness and indifference.

For example, during a new meeting with an irritant, say: “We have a business conversation today about plans for the next quarter. I ask you to speak on the topic and control yourself! For me, jokes in my direction and impudent comments are unacceptable! And there is no need to explain why something is unacceptable for you and what will happen if a person crosses the border. This phrase must remain unsaid. Thus, you will make it clear to your offender that jokes are bad with you, you are serious about work, and also that you are in charge here and it is you who set the rules of the game!

Ignore the annoying person

First of all, nothing is more annoying than being ignored! Want to annoy your offender? Ignore him! Secondly, you make it clear that you do not care about your irritant, all his attempts to spoil your mood are not crowned with success! This is one of the most effective ways, thanks to which you not only manage to thwart the insidious plan of your irritant, but also get rid of it for a long time!

Learn to filter what is said

Have you been offended by being spoken badly about you? What does this person say about others? Perhaps he does this to everyone, is he just an ill-mannered and uncouth boor? Then why pay attention to him at all and join in response to his provocations? Did someone annoy you? Ask what other people think of him. If many people think the same about him, then you are just one of the many victims with whom a person wants to play his sick game!

Work on yourself

The most important point. At the beginning of the article, we talked about the fact that we are annoyed by people who are either a copy of us or do something that we cannot afford! Well then! Then the way out is obvious.

Take some time, take a pen and paper and write down what exactly annoys you in certain person. Then, ask yourself, do you have the same qualities? Just be honest! Once you have identified the common qualities, develop a plan to get rid of them.

If you are annoyed by a person who acts in a way that you cannot afford, then start allowing yourself to do it! I'm not asking you to be late! But, if you know that a person is late, do not rush to meet him! Just understand that this person will arrive at least 5 minutes late, which means you can be late by the same amount of time!

And if it repeats over and over again, warn you that you don't like it and ask you to keep track of the time.

psychologist Vlada Bereznyanskaya

2 weeks of vacation I was looking for an answer to the question: what to do with provocations how not to give in? I asked all my relatives and friends, even on the train.

There were, in fact, few answers, most often that the provocateur was a vampire. What should I do?- There were no tips. Quitting is, of course, the ideal solution. But when the provocateur is your neighbor...

What to do with provocations?

And at night on the train it dawned on me that PROVOCATION IS WAR. Reminds me of the start of World War II. Germany had to attack Poland, there was no reason. Then, on the border of Poland, the German border radio station was allegedly captured by the Poles. In fact, they were SS men dressed in Polish uniforms.

LOVE YOUR PROVOCATOR IF YOU CAN - Tip 5

Love does wonders. In addition, if you try to respond to provocations by fighting, nothing will work, except for a planned war. Only peaceful intentions can help to avoid war with one's neighbor.

"I have provocateurs, I'm not going to love them!" is the first reaction of my first reader. To love is the most difficult advice to put into practice., but to understand the advantages of peace over war is available to everyone.

Fragment of the book Kovpak D.V. They weren't attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012

How long can you put up with rudeness? In transport, at work, at a party, at home, online, on the street - anywhere! How long can you play the role of a victim? Patiently enduring any inconvenience, any manifestation of rudeness. A well-known psychotherapist and a courageous person, Dmitry Kovpak decided that enough was enough! Read his exciting stories and professional advice to combat rudeness and cynicism. Dr. Kovpak is ready to change the world without bending under it! And you?

Basic strategies for overcoming rudeness

Effective countermeasures

Obviously, there are three approaches in relations between people. The first is to consider only oneself and to suppress others... The second is to yield to others always and in everything... The third approach is to keep one's interests in mind without neglecting the interests of others.

Only the dead cannot be touched for the living. Each of us has been in situations where we have been wounded or psychologically traumatized. Naturally, there is a desire to punish or teach the offender a lesson or to minimize damage to the reputation and assessments of others.

What exactly to do? Tolerate or respond? How will all this turn out? And a host of other questions are relentlessly spinning in my head. This is not the first time this has happened, and not only to you. How did people who have already faced a similar problem respond to this before?

Once Confucius was asked the question: “Is it right to return good for evil?” To which he replied: "Good must be repaid with good, and evil must be repaid with justice."

Undoubtedly, if you regularly allow yourself to be offended, this can become a habit for your offenders. The desire to make a remark or even break loose with a rude person comes before there is a reason for this.

If you help unbalanced people by regularly giving them a platform to express their irritation, this tactic will automatically work for them. They no longer have to wonder who is to blame for everything.

So, confusing patience and prudence with fear and laziness, you can turn into a local scapegoat.

A person in reality is not as peaceful as he declares it and even as he thinks of himself. Therefore, waiting for your offenders to see the light on their own, admit mistakes and injustices being perpetrated, can be too time-consuming and costly a strategy. Help them realize that they ran into the wrong person.

But do not answer the content of the opponent's speech, but the very fact of his intervention in other than his own business.

Whether there are winners in the fight with rude people is a moot and even rhetorical question. However, if you have already decided on martial arts, then some skills, technologies and useful information will not interfere with you.

Entering into a verbal duel requires a number of qualities and skills:

• efficiency of search and reproduction of information;
• wit, irony;
• resourcefulness, cunning, enterprise;
• the ability to use logic and consistent reasoning;
• mastery of rhetoric;
• stress resistance and tolerance (tolerance);
• noise immunity.

Quite often, people, defending their interests, behave rudely and unceremoniously, mixing the concepts of aggressive, passive-uncertain and confident behavior. The difference in these modes of behavior lies in the fact that, acting confidently, a person does not offend or suppress others, respecting the rights of people to the same extent as his own.

People who know how to properly stand up for themselves are much less prone to stressful conditions in difficult life situations and more often experience feelings of self-satisfaction and self-esteem.

People who act in an aggressive manner actually experience feelings of guilt, inferiority, or self-doubt, and their aggressive behavior is trying to mask these underlying feelings.

The key to confident behavior is to reinforce a new pattern of attitude and behavior in regular practice.

Remember, what you say to a rude person is far less important than how you say it.

In order to successfully put boors and aggressors in their place in any situation, first of all, one must clearly realize the right to the inviolability of one's personality and personal life.

The manifestation of rudeness is, first of all, evidence of a person’s lack of worthy arguments.

“Jupiter, you are angry, so you are wrong,” Prometheus once said to the angry Jupiter, who was ready to throw lightning at him, finding no other answer.

The most ineffective way to respond to a boor is to get emotionally turned on and scream all sorts of nonsense in response. Thus, you become the twin brother of this ill-mannered type and slide down to his level. And most importantly, your emotions will show that his arrows hit the target and stung you.

But sometimes it helps to relieve stress. The cost of such a drop varies depending on the situation and the environment present at that moment, as well as the delayed consequences. Sometimes it is unreasonably high.

Receiving a splash of negative emotions into the water helps much better. Especially when the situation is already in the past, but you still want to “wave your fists”.

Open the faucet and just scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. At the same time, wash yourself with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You are smarter!

Imagine this situation: you were greatly angered by your boss, who harshly and rudely reprimanded you for a situation that you actually had nothing to do with. After he leaves, you slam your fist on the table, break two pencils, a pen and turn a whole stack of papers into a shapeless mass. Will these actions reduce your anger? And will they save you from the tendency to become angry with the leader in similar situations in the future?

According to the well-known theory of catharsis (purification), the answer in both cases will be yes. When an angry person blows off steam through vigorous but harmless actions, the following happens: first, the level of tension or arousal is reduced, and second, the tendency to resort to open aggression against provoking (or other) persons is reduced.

These assumptions go back to the works of Aristotle, who believed that the contemplation of the production, forcing the audience to empathize with what is happening, can indirectly contribute to the "purification" of feelings. Despite the fact that Aristotle himself did not specifically propose this method for discharging aggressiveness, a logical continuation of his theory was proposed by many others, in particular Z. Freud, who believed that the intensity of aggressive behavior can be weakened either through the expression of emotions related to aggression, or by observing the aggressive actions of others.

While acknowledging the reality of such "cleansing", Freud was subsequently quite pessimistic about its effectiveness in preventing open aggression. He seems to have thought that his influence was ineffectual and short-lived. Indeed, watching movies or television programs with scenes of violence does not lead to a decrease in the level of aggression - on the contrary, such an experience is more likely to increase the intensity of aggressive manifestations in the future.

The level of aggression does not decrease if a person takes out his anger on inanimate objects.

Remember how we like to retell the myths about the basements of Japanese corporations, where supposedly employees thresh stuffed animals of their bosses and then, calm and satisfied, go to workplace. If people are given the opportunity to bludgeon inflatable toys, throw darts at images of hated enemies, or smash things to smithereens, it is not at all necessary that the strength of their desire to commit aggressive acts towards annoying individuals will decrease.

The level of aggression does not decrease after a series of verbal attacks either - on the contrary, the data obtained indicate that such actions actually increase the aggression of the opponent.

The English writer John Ruskin said, "A gentle answer removes malice."

This is also a technique. Only it requires sufficient hardening and exposure. In order to have enough patience for evil insults, respond politely and not lose your temper, not only externally, but also internally. This will require developing a lot of self-discipline.

In extreme cases, you can say a calmly neutral descriptive phrase, for example: “How rudely you just said. I do not like communication in this form / this tone. Sometimes this stops the offender or knocks him down for a while. In any case, you will get a pause and be able to leave the place of the verbal fight with your head held high.

So you eliminate the reason for subsequent returns to the situation in memories, which happens when an unrequited insult is swallowed, with the scrolling of "victorious scenarios" in fantasy - a virtual "waving fists" after a verbal fight.

The main thing is to maintain inner self-confidence.

Gandhi's mentally said phrase to himself would be appropriate: "They are not able to take away our self-respect if we ourselves do not give it to them." And the conclusions drawn from everyday experience that we often feel better (that is, less agitated or tense) when we respond to people who piss us off are indeed justified, as some very serious researchers of aggression claim.

If you have time, let the interlocutor finish speaking without obvious aggression, listen to him carefully, correctly and analytically.

To listen carefully means to perceive the words that are spoken, not to be too distracted by passing thoughts. That's right - to give feedback signals showing that you understand the interlocutor (for example, with a nod). Analytically - to capture the essence of the statement, while simultaneously perceiving information encrypted between words. Listening is a real art.

But there are situations when the interlocutor responds sharply negatively about you or lies. In such a delicate situation, this rule should be abandoned. Quietly interrupt the conversation at the moment when you notice that a lie was told: just politely and correctly correct the interlocutor. But please be brief.

For example, during negotiations for round table or speaking on the podium, you need to respond immediately - if not with words, then with a negative shake of the head or gestures.

You can react to a negative statement later if it happened during the dialogue, but if a third party or viewers are present, they will wait for your reaction. And the lack of reaction means consent!

Do not be afraid to break the rules and stereotypes if necessary. A smart person chooses tactics depending on the situation.

Question technique is the queen of dialectics. "Who asks, he manages!" - this is how one of the leading rules of the art of conversation is formulated in the form of a slogan.

Questions are often tools of pressure in order to demand information, deepen a topic of conversation, motivate interlocutors, or move a conversation from a material or technical plane to an emotional one. They also serve to demand an explanation, to insist on justice, to cheer up the participants in the conversation or inspire them with something, to demand facts or to specify the statements of the interlocutor.

Therefore, remember the tactics of asking questions. With them you can stop the aggressor and boor. Don't be afraid to answer a question with a question. It is also a powerful tool.

The client asks:

• And why do all realtors answer a question with a question? Realtor's response:
• What do you think?

If someone tells you what to do, makes incorrect remarks, tries to test your knowledge in any area, or gives you grades that you did not ask for, you can fight back in one of the following ways described by V. Petrova.

The initial, most gentle and polite method of self-defense can be described as a "psychological barrier." With our polite and specific remarks, we can delimit our personal space, making it clear to the interlocutor that he is encroaching on someone else's territory. As a rule, already after the first stage of self-defense, most of the aggressors retreat.

Most often, this method is used when strangers or unfamiliar people express their thoughts, comments, or give us advice that we did not ask for.

Here are examples of such responses:

• Thanks for your attention, you don't have to worry about it.
• Please don't worry about our business, we can handle it ourselves.
• Please don't pay too much attention...
• Please don't bother yourself...
• I'm sorry, but is this your business? Don't say "None of your business" - that sounds more rude, and avoid saying "It's my business" because it draws attention to you (puts the spotlight on you) rather than your opponent's behavior.
• A variant is possible - to remind the attacker that only the court or the Lord God has the right to judge, and the aggressor has no right to give assessments to other people. The power of these words lies in the fact that each person implicitly understands that he himself is not perfect and does not have the moral right to tell others. Any critic and boor can be ridiculed for assigning them the role of a judge: “Who are the judges?”
• “On what basis are you asking me these questions?”, “On what basis are you examining me?” - such answers are formalized, but it helps to maintain one's own confidence by association with the power of the bureaucracy and confuse the unbridled boors, who often operate with vernacular. The aggressiveness of this response is significantly muted, and it can be used even in conversations with superiors in case of strong pressure.
• “Let God decide. Or do you want to assume its functions? Whether you're talking to an atheist or a religious fanatic, it will still work. Forwarding "to God" is an effective technique, since everyone understands that by giving an assessment to another person, he clearly exceeds his authority.

It is necessary to distinguish between rudeness and objective criticism.

Everyone makes mistakes, and so do you. If you were criticized on the case (for example, in your point of view you did not take into account some fact, did not notice something, made some mistake or oversight) - thank the critic, for example, with the words: “Yes, indeed, I did not take into account / took into account this fact. Thank you, I will keep it in mind”, “Thank you, I just didn’t notice this”, “I’ll think about it, thanks for the comment / information”.

A number of techniques for rebuffing rude people are based on the principle of transferring attention from your personality to the personality of the attacker.

An example is the phrase of one of the characters in the film “Kin-dza-dza”: “Did someone tell you that you are smart, or did you decide that yourself?”

Another option for switching attention to the personality of a rude person is a description of his actions. Any action of the interlocutor can be presented in the form of a picture, only written not with paints, but with your words.

A person who behaves unworthily, as a rule, does not realize that the ugliness of his behavior and the motives that make him act in such a way are perfectly visible to others, or simply displaces understanding of this. Strange as it may seem, it seems to the aggressor that people perceive only his words, but they do not see him (do not evaluate him). Therefore, in order to confuse the enemy, one should describe his behavior in the form of a visual picture, for example: “Do you yourself hear what you are saying?” or “Do you understand how you look now?”

People who like to speak for others, in particular, to broadcast from the position of "highest values", "norms of morality and morality", can also be put in their place.

You should ask the person who, for example, accused you, who specifically was harmed by your actions. If not to him personally, then you are not obliged to talk to him and even more so to report to him. Answer: “We will talk about this with the person whose interests were affected, but not with you.”

If the aggressor claims that you are causing damage to many at once, say: “If you wish, you have the right to apply to the appropriate authorities” (for example, to your superiors, to the house management, to the police, to the court, etc.). But in no case do not get involved in a dispute that you do not need. Do not make excuses, do not report to a person who is not an official, whose duties really include a legal assessment of your actions.

Talking to people who insist that you are harming some third party is not worth it, even if you have irrefutable evidence of your own innocence. Save this evidence in case authorized persons intervene in the case, to whom you really have to report.

The very fact that you have begun to justify yourself to a stranger indicates that you have reduced self-confidence, it is easy for you to feel guilty and you “owe” others too much.

No matter how self-confident and arrogant the boor may seem to you, remember that there are people in the world with whom he is afraid to talk like with you.

Also, a rude person would not dare to behave in such a way if the situation was seen by people whom he fears or whose opinion he values. You can appeal to them: “Why don’t you repeat the same thing to such and such (say the name of this person’s boss, a relative whom he respects or fears, etc.)?”, “You don’t talk like that at work! »

Another option is to refer to virtual witnesses: “What do you think a well-mannered person would do in your place?” (you can give the name of a specific person whom the aggressor respects), “Why do you think other people don’t do this?”

If a person who is on duty behaves unworthily, you can comment on his behavior with the wish that his words be heard by a person who is honored by representatives of this profession.

Once a teacher called a student a swear word. He was not at a loss and said: "May Makarenko and Sukhomlinsky hear you."

Very effective is the so-called method of Milton Erickson (a famous hypnopsychotherapist), who used metaphors and stories that contained a hint or example of the behavior of the person to whom the story was intended.

Metaphor is a kind of indirect suggestion. This word consists of two Greek roots: meta - "through" and fore - "transfer". That is, a metaphor is a means of transfer. What does the metaphor convey? It carries meanings, bypassing conscious controls and barriers.

For example, here is a story about how not everything is as rude as it seems at first glance.

Once a wanderer stopped a walking old man to find out how far it was to the city.

Go on, he replied in a monosyllable. The bewildered wanderer continued on his way, reflecting on the rudeness of the locals. But he had not gone even fifty steps, when he heard:

Wait! The old man stood on the road and shouted to the traveler:

You still have an hour to go to the city.

Why didn't you answer right away? exclaimed the stranger.

I should have seen what step you are walking, - the old man explained.

Or a story about jumping to conclusions.

The knight walked through the desert. His journey was long. On the way he lost his horse, helmet and armor. Only the sword remained. The knight was hungry and thirsty. Suddenly he saw a lake in the distance. The knight gathered all the remaining strength and went to the water. But by the very lake sat a three-headed dragon.

The knight drew his sword and with the last of his strength began to fight the monster. Day fought, the second fought. Cut off two dragon heads. On the third day, the dragon fell exhausted. An exhausted knight fell nearby, no longer able to stand on his feet and hold his sword.

And then, with the last of his strength, the dragon asked:

• Knight, what do you want?
• Drink water.
• Well, I'd drink...

And finally, remember the enchanting film "Formula of Love" and the doctor's calm rebuke to the rogue Cagliostro using illustrative examples from life:

Yes, yes, agreed Cagliostro. - So many tales have been invented about me that I get tired of refuting them. Meanwhile, my biography is simple and usual for people who bear the title of master ... Let's start from childhood. I was born in Mesopotamia, near the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates, two thousand one hundred and twenty-five years ago ... - Cagliostro looked around the audience, as if giving them the opportunity to realize what he had heard. - You are probably amazed at such an ancient date of my birth?

No, it's not amazing, - the doctor said calmly. - We had a clerk in the county, in patchports, where the year of birth, only indicated one number. Ink, rogue, vish, saved. Then the matter cleared up, he was sent to prison, but they did not begin to remake the patchport. Document anyway.

© Kovpak D.V. They weren't attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012
© Published with the permission of the publisher

Human life is bizarre and unpredictable in its manifestations and attacks of fate. The black stripe changes to white, white - to black, success is followed by troubles and hardships, which later again give way to success and happiness. And so in a circle. It is not always good or always bad. Some obstacles regularly appear that a person must overcome in the course of his life. But how not to react to the negativity that periodically creeps into everyone's life?

The harmful effects of negativity on the psycho-emotional state of a person

What in itself is a combination of external influence factors that cause discomfort and place a person in conditions of psycho-emotional imbalance, making him feel restrained, irritated, under pressure. The influence of negativity on the consciousness of any representative of society adversely affects the indicators of his self-esteem, well-being, and mood. Under the influence of the negative vibes of the ongoing impartial action directed against a specific person, the latter begins to experience strong excitement, tension, confusion, and even to some extent fear. Therefore, this phenomenon must be combated. But how do you learn not to react to negativity?

Negativity in personal life

It is sad, but true: a person himself is a source of any negativity. There is no one else to radiate negative energy in the direction of their own kind except as a living substance in the form of a rational creation. One person is able to plunge another into a state of despondency and oppression in a matter of minutes with his word, deed, action. A reproach, a remark, a sharp word - any statement can hurt, deliver very unpleasant, painful sensations and evoke emotions of indignation, anger, rage, fear. And such negativity can manifest itself within absolutely any circle of communication and field of activity: in personal life, in the professional field, in the educational field, in neighborly or friendly relations - in a word, anywhere.

How not to react to the negativity that happens between two people in a relationship? Quite often, this problem occurs in dysfunctional families, where the head of the family, represented by a man, is an alcoholic or just an ardent lover of being intoxicated. How not to respond to the negativity of a husband who constantly radiates manifestations of anger, aggression, insults towards his wife for absolutely no reason and groundless? There are two ways out: either adapt to abstracting from his psycho-emotional instability, or threaten such a rogue with leaving the family.

Another source of the spread of negative energy in relationships between people in love is jealousy. An overly jealous young man is able, with his distrust and constant interrogations, to plunge his other half into a state of despair and deep despondency. It is necessary to fight against such manifestations, because sooner or later such relations will either come to a standstill, or give a crack and break through the most unpleasant stream of critical events.

Negativity at work

Often, in connection with the move or the loss of a previous job, people have to change their workplace. And, unfortunately, colleagues are not always happy to meet a newly arrived specialist at a new workplace. High ambitions, professional envy, personal career failure - all this provokes people to attacks of aggression directed against a beginner. The negativity emitted by such colleagues places a person in the framework of dejection and psychological discomfort, along with which a stable stumbling block is developed between them, which is reflected in the quality of work of the victim of such attacks. How not to react to negativity at work and stay true to your work is a rather complicated issue, but solvable. Psychologists recommend responding to every malicious demarche of colleagues with a smile, restraint, ostentatious indifference, and sometimes with a calm but weighty argument on the case in response. This will shock, disarm and neutralize the attacking aggressors and force them to calm down.

Negativity between peers

A similar model of behavior has a society of young people in universities, institutes and other educational institutions where young people often encounter misunderstandings with each other. The process of becoming and psychological development adolescents are often identified with violent manifestations and emotional instability in the worldview of everyone. And the negative energy shown by some individuals in relation to their own kind is easily explained by conscious immaturity and the final stage in the formation of a person as a person. How not to react to the negativity and insults of peers who are constantly joking and regularly reminding themselves of themselves with sharp and caustic words? To prove oneself and repulse the offenders, repaying them with the same coin, or to nullify their nit-picking by complete indifference to their actions - everyone determines for himself the most suitable way out of the situation.

Negativity in the family

Family ties are no less often tested for strength in the form of cases with the division of property or the division of real estate. This is probably one of the strongest tests that relatives go through, bypassing the test for relationships with each other. How to stop reacting to the negative from the sister, who remained dissatisfied after the unfair, in her opinion, verdict regarding her part of the property assigned to her in the parental will? How to avoid constant conflicts on this basis? To give her the missing part of her parental savings, to quarrel and stop communicating with her, or to try to settle the inflated scandal with other, more loyal family methods - everyone has the right to make their choice in their own way.

Interpersonal negativity in society

How not to react to the negative of the evil old woman in the morning transport, which erupts from her mouth with or without a reason? An excellent way out of the situation is headphones. An indifferent reaction is the most correct reaction in this case. And how to get rid of negative attacks from a neighbor who is dissatisfied with loud, in his opinion, music? Again: cold indifference or a search for a compromise will help get rid of an annoying grumbler.

How to deal with negativity

Any situation associated with a negative behavioral model of the surrounding society must be resolved. You can’t constantly give in to attackers, you need to be able to fight. If a person is attacked, he must be able to fight back. If senseless and irrelevant grumpy chatter is imposed on him, he should remain indifferent. Looking at the situation, you need to choose a behavior model that will help resolve the conflict as quickly as possible and get rid of manifestations of external negativity.

What prevents the manifestation of negativity

There are a number of methods and principles of behavioral manner that do not allow the negative energy erupted by the surrounding society to break through the wall of opposition directed against it. How not to react to negativity? Psychologists recommend the following actions:

• managing your territorial space and staying in your own comfort zone;
• abstraction from malicious attacks and negative impact surrounding;
• limited circle of contacts positive people;
• maintaining a sense of humor and stability of the psycho-emotional state.

1. Change your body language

Pay attention to your body when you are overwhelmed by negative emotions. Look at your face: the corners of your mouth are lowered, your forehead is furrowed. How do you keep your back? Are you slouching?

If you have a hotbed of negative thoughts in your head, your body behaves accordingly. And when such thoughts become constant, it gets used to such a situation. You have probably seen people with a mask of contempt or anger on their face, which persists in any situation.

This also works in reverse side: a pinched body position and a frowning face create no better mood. So your first step in getting rid of bad thoughts is to change your posture and facial expressions. Straighten your back and straighten your shoulders. Feel where tension has accumulated in your body, and relax, smile. Within a few moments you will feel that the emotional background is changing.

2. Discuss your feelings

Some people tell everyone about their problems and even savor it. Others keep everything in themselves to the last, and then get a nervous breakdown.

If you still have some negative emotions that do not go away, try to tell your loved ones about it. By putting into words, you give shape to emotions and put them into perspective. After the conversation, you will be surprised how stupid it was to worry about the voiced occasion, and the negative will disappear.

3. Stop the flow of thoughts

If a thousand thoughts rush through your head in one minute, it is difficult to decide something for yourself and somehow control it. If you are stuck on the negative, try not to think about anything at all for just one minute. By paying attention to what is happening in your head and what thoughts dominate there, you can change the situation.

4. Change the wording

It is amazing how much the tone of a whole phrase or thought changes from a slight change in wording. Compare: "I have difficult period in life, there are problems” and “I have a period of changes in my life, I am looking for the best solutions.” The underlying data hasn't changed, just the problems have been called changes. But who's to say it's not true?

5. Get creative

When negative thoughts attack you, you can spend some time getting creative. It works just like a conversation, with the exception that you don't have to annoy anyone with your problems. You can do anything: write prose or poetry, draw with a pencil or paint. , finally.

A splash of emotions through creativity is a kind of art therapy that will not only provide relaxation, but also cheer you up. Negative thoughts will pass through you, take shape, and stay there, not in your head.

6. Take a walk

It often seems that our own head is the only source of negativity. Most often this is the case, but it also happens differently. If you are surrounded by toxic people, such as in a family where everyone constantly fights and blames each other, or at work, where everyone is on their nerves, half of the negativity may be due to their mood.

If you are not a guru, it is unlikely that you will be able to get rid of heavy thoughts while being in such an environment. Therefore, if possible, leave it to calm down. Go for a walk or go somewhere: to an exhibition, to your favorite cafe, to the cinema - this will help you find.

7. Make a Thank You List

Sometimes we forget about all the good things in our lives. It seems that there is no way out and a complete failure on all fronts. So, sitting in a cozy and warm apartment, having come from a favorite job, a person may think that his life is a cesspool, and he is a complete loser. And all because of the coincidence of minor troubles for the day or an unfulfilled project hanging over the soul.

To cope with this state, write down all the good things that are in your life, what you are for. For example: “I am grateful for my appearance and health”, “I am grateful for loving and beloved relatives”, “I am grateful for true friends”.

Look at the resulting list and see for yourself: minor annoyances cannot outweigh this.