There is life after adultery! All psychologists say this. But what will it be like, and why does betrayal inevitably become a new stage in marriage?

First, let's look at the consequences of male infidelity. It turns out that the process experienced by the wife is quite predictable. Psychologists have identified several stages that every woman goes through after her husband’s betrayal:

• Information stage. When psychological defense is in effect: a beautiful person seems to know about infidelity, but cannot yet accept this fact. For some, the psyche becomes aware quickly, while for others it may take several days or weeks. Moreover, the period will be filled with convincing oneself and others that the information is false, nothing like that happened.
• Emotional. A very violent manifestation: tears, hysterics, nerves, accusations, complaints to your mother, friends, etc. The period will be testing not only for the injured party, but also for the traitor, whose reaction will depend on the degree of repentance. Some of the stronger sex cannot stand it and leave home for a while, others wait silently and patiently, and still others try with all their might to beg for forgiveness. It is very important not to drag children (if any) into conflicts during emotional periods.
• Diplomacy. The stage is characterized by acceptance of the fact, calmness and readiness to negotiate. A new type of connection is established between spouses. The first step is to find out the reason and determine whether there will be a union in the future.
• Humility. The final stage, when the consequences of the husband’s betrayal for the wife have only two solutions: to build life anew (alone or with another partner) or to regard the event as a test of strength and begin new life with the same partner.

Choosing the latter option means that the injured party is ready for the next stage - to experience painful moments when suffering overwhelms the entire being. What do psychologists advise you to do? Give free rein to your emotions: cry, sob and calm down. Another option is additional activities. It’s better to combine both: after sobbing into your pillow, pull yourself together and engage in active activities. If a woman is not the type of “eternal sufferer,” the experiences will pass by themselves over time and she will move on to a new stage - learning to trust again.

It is possible to restore trust. It’s just important to remember that you don’t have to believe completely at first. It won't work that way.

It’s worth starting small - remembering the moments in which you can still trust. For example, in the event of your illness, he will be there to bring you tea and pills; if you lose your job, he will become your support and support, etc. When trust in personal relationships has failed, think about those cases where the chosen one never let you down .

How to deal with jealousy? Jealousy that does not subside from the moment of adultery is a normal phenomenon. But if you don’t control it in time, it will destroy the foundation of the relationship. And then the decision to save the marriage will change in the opposite direction. Psychotherapists have developed several ways to deal with the tormenting feeling. They are effective not only for the female half of the couple, but also for the male half.

• Method No. 1. Create a “jealousy chair.” The method may seem funny, but in fact it will save you from unnecessary quarrels that arise during an attack of jealousy. The exercise requires a chair, privacy, and you. Force yourself to sit on it until you get rid of boiling emotions.
• Method #2: Pretend. Stop the event that unsettled you from completely overshadowing your reason and common sense. During an attack, try to feign indifference. Don't ask where your significant other has been, don't conduct a search and don't accuse. It’s better to sit on the chair of jealousy at this moment. Over time, a calm attitude will return as the self-hypnosis method works.
• Method #3: Unpredictability. Change yourself, break stereotypes and get rid of old habits. Instead of being suspicious and waiting for your loved one, do something completely different. Best of all, by yourself and your interests. Fulfill an old dream in the end. Psychologists admit that this method is not easy - a person literally has to force himself. But it's only difficult at first. When you overcome discomfort and reluctance, you will truly become interested in being the new person you discovered in yourself.

Suspicion, dependence and obsessive behavior will disappear. Instead, confidence and insight will come: why did betrayal control me for so long?! Because the view of an event depends only on the person himself.

And the last method - let's call it “for advanced”. It is applicable when the novel is already in the distant past. While walking together, partners can point out attractive individuals and discuss their merits. It's good if the conversation happens in a humorous manner. Psychotherapists call this method- “using a symptom to destroy it.”

But there is also back side. Take a closer look, perhaps your partner is deliberately provoking jealousy? Some people tend to behave this way - they like to control their significant other, to dominate them. Behavior may be unconscious, so this fact should be pointed out and the problem dealt with mutually. After all, relationships will never “recover” this way.

How can a man forgive?

Female infidelity is not much less common than male infidelity. There is a lot of information about how a woman can cope with her husband’s betrayal. But how should a man behave if he is betrayed by his beloved?

In fact, the sensations experienced by the stronger sex are equal to those of women. How could she? Did I know who I lived with for so many years? What to do next? Agree, the questions are the same as those the weaker half of the couple asks themselves. But here the situation is aggravated by the stereotypical attitude (we are forgiven, they are not) and, of course, emotions that often do not find a way out. After all, the stronger sex does not cry, does not throw hysterics and speaks little. It is more difficult for the stronger sex to understand that a conversation is necessary to solve a problem; it seems to them that without active actions, for example, without assault, and sometimes without retaliation, the problem will hang in the air forever.

Is it possible to receive forgiveness despite all the stereotypes? Of course yes.

But in order to forgive betrayal, the spouse will have to work hard on himself.

First of all, you need to know that beautiful people do not decide to take such a step out of the blue. But let’s say right away that we are now taking the example of a classic family, where the wife was always faithful and diligent, and the husband tried to ensure her comfort financially. Why does a wife commit adultery while in a seemingly prosperous and stable relationship? Because a woman lacks spiritual intimacy. And this is reason number one. Neither sex, nor even novelty, is a reason for such a serious offense.

Therefore, the first step to forgiveness is not to blame, but to think about whether love remains and how close you are.

There is another option - the husband immediately begins to blame himself (the type of people prone to self-flagellation). The first thing that comes to mind is “I have a belly, I’m bald, and in general, at 40, I look 60 years old. Of course, she found someone else!”

Get that kind of nonsense out of your head. The reason may be in you, but it is unlikely to be related to appearance. To take the first step towards restoring the union, you need to accept and forgive yourself. And then think about forgiving the other.

The second step should be a frank conversation. In the process, it is important to remember the main goal - preservation family life. Try to find out:

• Does your loved one repent of what she did?

• What prompted the faithful wife to cross the line.
• What can you do to prevent this from happening again?
• Are both ready for a new round of relationships?

If the victim heard in response: “I don’t love you anymore and I want to be with him,” don’t humiliate yourself, don’t beg or use force. Just leave. Time will either heal you or bring your beloved back - it is quite possible that your spouse is going through a personal crisis.

If a compromise is found and you want to continue to be together, prepare yourself mentally for difficulties. According to psychologists, the average time to forget betrayal is about three years. During this period, trust is restored and a new level of communication is formed.

About trust

How to regain your husband's trust after your wife cheats? The guilty party has two options: deny, lie and never admit to anything, and honestly tell and repent. The traitor has the right to choose anyone and at the same time be sure that she is doing the right thing. However, the first one can make things worse. For example, a friend will inadvertently blurt out about the prank, or you yourself will get confused in the “testimony.” And in general, where there is a lie, there is no real relationship. Therefore, it is better to pay attention to the second way - sincere confession.

Yes, it will not be possible to remove your mistake from your loved one’s memory, but convincing him of repentance and making him believe that the offense was the first and the last is within the power of a beautiful person.

Suppose the chosen one agreed to start from scratch. What's next? How to regain the old trust? The solution to the issue depends on personalities and characters. Perhaps the mistake will never be forgotten. Or, perhaps, on the contrary, they will do everything to keep their beloved by their side. Whatever the outcome, the main thing is to try and not give up. During the period of establishing communication, the female half should make every effort to regain confidence in themselves:

• Put aside important things and be with your loved one as often as you can.
• Talk about important and unimportant things: love, things, nature, everyday life, etc. You have a chance to get to know each other in a new way.
• Always be honest. Always!
• Extinguish conflicts, give in. It is important for a man to feel that his opinion is a priority.

But there is a catch here too. You need to create a line for yourself that you should never cross. Behind her comes humiliation and transformation into a slave. It is difficult to discern where the truth is and where the lie is, being in the position of a guilty person, therefore it is very easy to stumble and fall into the role of an obedient servant. It will be sad if the stronger half of the couple begins to take advantage of the situation. It’s even sadder if the chosen one didn’t even suspect such qualities in the guy.

There are unique people who have a tendency towards such power in their blood. Such people are just waiting for something to convict their victim of. Betrayal will almost become the apogee of expectations and serve as the basis for obsession - a person is capable of taking moral revenge, without knowing the limits. Don't stoop to that level. Run.

A loving person will try not only to listen, but also to hear his passion, and also to look for ways to reconciliation together. Real love doesn't die from one random mistake.

Who said cheating is bad?

Let's get rid of the stereotype. Why is infidelity considered something bad? Why don’t we regard it as an opportunity to look into ourselves, develop and improve?

The first step on the path to improvement should be to rethink such a stereotype. The second is translating positive thoughts into actions.

To forget about a problem, you need to not think about the problem - this is the first advice from psychologists about working on yourself. If the sufferer is haunted by the thought of how THIS happened to another/him, psychologists recommend the following exercise:

• Sit opposite each other.
• The victim asks questions, and the offender describes the details and specific features of his trip “to the left.”

The exercise is called “crime and punishment” and takes the form of a game. If you do the exercise regularly, the sufferer will eventually get tired of listening to the same thing day after day, and the obsession will “go away” on its own. The main thing is that the opponent does not object to the game and is calm about the questions.

The next thing that will help you establish a positive outlook on things is to stop thinking that you are a loser. Justify for yourself that now is just a bad period, this happens not only to you, write down on a piece of paper the inspiring qualities of yourself and your chosen one and re-read what you wrote every day. Cheer yourself up, thinking that all efforts are being devoted to renewing the family, and the new round will make the connection stronger and better.

Another point: instead of despondency, make changes!

Find out what type of behavior or habit needs to change. For example, if a wife wants more attention from her husband after his affair, she needs to say about her desire. The second task is to find ways to implementation. Male desire is sometimes expressed in the desire to feel women's initiative(for example, sexually). Mutual implementation of the agreements will bring the split couple one step closer.

It is equally important to make it clear how valuable the person’s efforts are. Efforts to do something aimed at satisfying the needs of your loved one certainly need to be responded to - noticed, thanked, admired.

In return, give an unpredictable pleasant surprise. Remember what your significant other loves, turn on your imagination. For any representative of the stronger sex, the best surprise will be intimacy presented in an unconventional way. To enhance the sexual atmosphere, create some tension that will certainly excite both.

But the weaker sex loves soulfulness and romance: rose petals, candles, declarations of love. Let it be a standard set, the main thing is how to present it. Remember that unpredictability is the enemy of routine. Pleasant surprises not only ruin a dull life, but also arouse a new interest in the couple in each other.

How to work through problems with intimacy?

To renew intimacy, and at the same time trust, a couple needs frequent emotional communication. According to experts, you need to share your emotions at least twice a week. During communication, nothing should distract spouses from contact. TV, computer, phones - replace them with stories about yourself and insight into the experiences of your loved one.

The wife, like the husband, after infidelity, needs to ask about the needs of the chosen one. Very important point- know when to a loved one privacy is necessary, and when - the company of a partner. Or find a way to be together, but apart, for example, read/sit at the computer silently, without violating personal space.

If you are not yet ready for a long stay in the same place, go to the cinema or museum, but be in different parts of the hall. When you're done, go home together. The topic for conversation will already appear. Discussing a film or exhibition will quietly bring the couple closer and inspire them to continue working on a joint union.

While working to restore the marriage, the couple has a chance to simultaneously find out why rapprochement is not happening. After all, the reason may not even be in a perfect act, but in the distant past. For men, for example, there may be such a situation: excessive, even obsessive maternal care has created discomfort in the boy with respect to intimacy. Because in mature age it is difficult for him to let his partner near him. Or vice versa: the child did not receive additional emotional manifestations of feelings, because the parents were closed and alienated. In adulthood, a person, faced with intimacy, experiences awkwardness; he does not know what to do with it.

By plunging into their own world and freeing themselves from the causes of mistrust and fear, the couple will not only become closer emotionally, but also improve spiritually.

Living together after your husband’s betrayal is no good. Every woman who has faced betrayal from her husband knows this. The first thought is to save the family. But how? Forgive? Resign yourself? What if neither one nor the other helps?

Then how to live after your husband’s betrayal? It is difficult to give advice in such a situation. To understand whether the good deed of saving a marriage is preparing a new trap, you need to sort everything out.

Is family life even possible after betrayal?

From childhood we are taught to forgive, not to accumulate resentment.

But no one tells how to turn a blind eye to the infidelities of a husband who continues to “go to the left” and does not repent.

Absolution of sins to a convinced reveler will lead to only one thing - to the legitimization of his adventures. He will perceive the forgiveness his wife has suffered through as her surrender. Keeping him after this will be as impossible as answering the question: how to live after the betrayal of a husband who was actually given a “ticket to fornication”?

The husband who has received a hasty indulgence will not think about saving the family. He will have another problem: how many women is it more convenient for him to have on the side - two, three or a whole harem?

What are the risks of living together after cheating?

Not a single woman can forget deception and betrayal. Having forgiven her husband in her mind, she will not be able to carry out the same “operation” in her heart. This means that she cannot avoid attacks of jealousy and spying on the unfaithful.

Often, family life after betrayal turns into real torture for both spouses. She will be overcome by suspicions about any reason: why did he put on a new shirt? who called him at night? where did you sharpen your skis on your day off? He, too, will suffer, feeling like a loser, out of trust and forced to make excuses for every little thing.

It is a rare married couple that can withstand this pressure.

More often than not, a woman’s patience runs out. She becomes the initiator of the breakup.

Less often, a man gives in to domestic “totalitarianism”: realizing that nothing good is ahead, he abandons his family.

Women should know that cheating men are divided into two types: those who truly repent and those who demonstrate a sense of guilt. Let's first consider the first type of cheating husbands.

Life after the betrayal of a truly repentant husband

Let us immediately note: such a phenomenon is rather an exception than a rule. Such men immediately admit the fact of betrayal. True, even they usually need an encouraging kick from their wife in the form of a threat of divorce.

The more clearly a woman expresses the reality of her intention, the more actively the offender will earn his second chance.

This is manifested in touching tolerance towards a jealous wife: detailed reports about delays at work, an imperturbable attitude towards “biased interrogations”, and meek provision of access to SMS.

With such super-loyalty of a man, the opportunity to preserve the marriage bond is quite real. There is only one catch: how to live after the betrayal of a husband who truly repented, but ten years later he was again caught committing adultery? This happens, unfortunately, often.

Many women, having a positive experience of forgiveness, are in no hurry to kick out their spouse in this situation. The dramatic situation of a secondly betrayed wife is brightened by memories of “ best years”, lived after the first betrayal. After all, the repentant husband cared for and took care of her like no one else. In addition, in ten years, children raised in a complete and prosperous family have grown up.

Life after the betrayal of her husband, who demonstratively repented

A man's ostentatious feeling of guilt is very similar to a sincere one. The same tears and kisses of hands, the same oath that “this won’t happen again,” the same tirade on the topic “I’m with you - what kind of proof do you, fool, still need?”

The only difference is that the show-offer at heart will not change. It is not necessary that immediately after the revelation he will go on dates. Some wisely lay low until the storm subsides.

But there is no doubt: after some time everything will return to normal again. But such a man will not tolerate attacks of his wife’s jealousy and allow himself to be controlled.

He will either give up and leave, or start cheating openly, “legalizing” his passion on the side. At the same time, the cheater can become abusive to such an extent that he refuses to divorce his unhappy wife, insisting on having a bed relationship with her. For a ladies' man, sex with his wife is an additional source of energy and a way to strengthen self-esteem.

The woman will first try to put pressure on the malingerer’s pity and conscience. Then, seeing that admonitions have no effect on him, he will reconcile himself and begin to automatically forgive the deceiver, they say, if he gets over his rage, he will calm down.

Another possible scenario is also possible. It is typical of families where the man is not particularly arrogant. It’s easier for someone like this to go on a binge than to solve the dilemma: wife or mistress? In friendship with the green serpent, he gains illusory freedom.

The prospects for marriage in all the cases described are far from rosy. The only one who is able to break a vicious relationship is a mistress. To do this, she needs to be so decisive as to personally come for a weak-willed man, grab him in her arms and take him to her home.

It happened: your partner cheated on you. It’s very painful, it’s forgotten for a long time, and it can pop up at any moment with an unexpected word, an insult, a reproach. The longer the marriage lasted before, the deeper you fall into anger, resentment, and despair. You will have to wonder for a long time whether it is possible to restore the relationship after your husband’s betrayal. If you seriously intend to continue living with this person, it is important to sincerely, from the bottom of your heart, forgive him, and believe that your partner has also sincerely repented.

Any betrayal, physical, spiritual, emotional, shows: your marriage has stopped in one place. It puts an end to feelings at the stage to which they have developed. Now the partner needs to earn trust again, create a reputation as a responsible and reliable person. A move to the other side never arises out of nowhere; usually this is facilitated by a long internal journey, the accumulation of claims and discontent.

When partners decide to live together, they accept responsibility for their life together. We are now talking about people who take life seriously, who do not quickly change their thoughts or decisions at every little thing. We would like to connect our lives with a reliable, stable person, but everyone has the right to make mistakes. You just need to understand whether you are ready to put up with precisely such mistakes, whether there is a reason to do it.

When this happens, it would be nice to remember that you cannot step into the same river twice, and you will no longer be able to return to the past. This will be a new path to a new family. It’s not easy work to forgive and move on. For the sake of family, children, joint plans. How to restore a relationship after betrayal and live fully? Build something new without trying to revive the old? We hope our recommendations will help you do this.

You just found out that your spouse cheated on you, for the first time or again.

• If your husband shows sexual interest in you, accept it.
• Think about whether it is worth crossing out what connected you in the past, where there was a lot of light and important things. One random offense is against a long life, remember the positive, determine the priority.
• When communicating with relatives, friends, acquaintances, eliminate the topic of how to improve relationships after betrayal immediately. You can ask them for help; every experience will be useful, but no more.
• Avoid involving children in the situation, pitting them against each other, and do not use them against your husband. Define each of you's roles in raising your child(ren) fairly and equally.

Find the courage to admit your feelings. They can be overcome by facing them openly. Give yourself time to suffer, allow yourself to be in this state. But clearly define its time frame - you need to build your family.

What if you changed?

Previously, it was about the fact that they cheated on you. But if this offense was committed by you, what should you do in this situation?

First of all, wait for the emotions to subside. You cannot build something important in a state of passion. Explain to your partner why this happened. Do not shift the blame onto others, removing it from yourself - this is still your own action. Admit your guilt, but show your willingness to prevent this from happening in the future. Tell your partner how deeply you made a mistake and how precious your past, present and future are with him. You need to be honest with yourself first of all - do not deceive him with false hopes. He will feel your confidence, the value of marriage for you, and believe that the mistake will never be repeated. If you are sincerely trying to resolve the issue of how to maintain a relationship after cheating, you will have to work on yourself.

If frequent gifts and apologies were not typical for you before, it is inappropriate to start such a practice now, even trying to make amends. In this case, each time it will be another reminder of what happened. The naturalness, honesty and sincere feelings that you show him will be able to dissolve the guilt and will be appreciated.

However, if the feelings you had for your spouse are gone irrevocably, do not reassure him. The second time it will be more difficult to forgive him, and the wound inflicted will become much more painful.

Are there ways to restore relationships?

• Let your partner come up with a solution to the situation. Let him tell his point of view on the common future, ask for forgiveness, repent, himself, without coercion. Eliminate blackmail from your arsenal, now or later.
• Time passes, the spouse does not show any activity and willingness to negotiate, the question of how to restore the relationship after betrayal does not bother him - then start first. As equals, not as a petitioner. A decision must be made, even a difficult and unpleasant one. Maybe he’s more nervous than you right now, trying to pretend like nothing happened.
• You can try to resolve the situation with the help of your parents. But at the same time, you need to clearly understand its features - whether your spouse’s parents or yours can be objective or will become a third participant in the conflict. Therefore, the method is ambiguous and must be used carefully.
• Friends can take the place of parent-peacemakers. You need to approach this carefully: is it worth taking the trash out of the hut? When asked whether it is possible to restore a relationship after a husband’s betrayal, everyone will have their own answer.
• Show your spouse by your behavior what he has to lose. Show him attention, care, create conditions at home where he will strive himself, namely to you, a kind, loving woman.
• It is worth considering the option of living separately for a while. Thoughts and feelings will calm down, resentment or anger will fade into the background - then it will be possible to constructively find a solution to the question of what to do next with life. A pause in feelings will show both how much they meant before, you will understand whether you are ready to lose them forever.
• Try to do something common. Cooperative activity magically brings people together, or common interests. Do some repairs, go to the country for the weekend, pick mushrooms, go to the theater or cinema. Remember what attracted you to each other before, why together today. Show your spouse: his life interests you, you want to know about his achievements, successes - at work, with friends.
• Try to spend more time with your children - this will allow you to be together, have a reason for communication that is equally important for both and sets you up for future prospects.
• Physical work and exercise will be a good help - they will perfectly help you to distract yourself from thoughts, feelings, and switch your strength and attention to other aspects of life. Do something enjoyable and devote most of your free time to it.

You need to talk through stumbling blocks with your partner; many people still believe in the myth that everyone in a family understands each other perfectly. The truth can help you, no matter how bitter it may be. Remember what was good for you, cherish what brought you joy before. The easiest way is to give up everything that doesn’t work out and look for a new, beautiful, simple life in joy.

Building is difficult. But who, if not you, can understand how to improve family relationships after everything that happened. We are not talking about protracted conditions that can hardly be resolved on your own, without the involvement of specialized specialists. However, recommendations and support from a psychologist or psychotherapist will not hurt; skepticism towards this resource is unnecessary. Is it possible to restore a relationship after a husband’s betrayal is a well-developed topic in their practice. Take advantage of the help of those specialists who can competently advise you on how to maintain a relationship after betrayal and build a full-fledged new life. Professionals will help restore mental balance, identify values ​​and support points that will become the foundation for new forms. We could also recommend a variety of practices, an esoteric approach, religion, but these methods are too individual and will only help if before this event played an important constructive role in your life. They will not be a panacea or a quick-acting cure.

Even if everything you had is in the past, let it go there, maybe this will make room for a new connection, more honest, promising.

Everything has already happened. Now your freedom is to make a choice in one direction or another. Make it towards goodness and the future - then you can enjoy the consequences of the decision in the future.

Video

It took me a long time to decide to write...
We have been married for 7 years, he is 29, I am 25, we have a child (a 6-year-old son). We lived for a long time in the 1st apartment, I kept repeating and dreaming about expanding for 6 years and finally decided... to sell.. I am an alarmist by nature, I was always afraid that we would sell and would not be able to buy more and would be left with nothing, everyone was on nerves, It was purely by chance that he was offered to buy an apartment in our own entrance at a reasonable price, but only there the renovation had to start from scratch... they decided, they were so happy and sold theirs... they moved in with his parents, then he went to work (he works a 15-day shift ).. I moved to my people because it was more convenient for me to work there
She was always rushing him with the repairs and the process.. he always didn’t want to either work at the apartment, or he had to go to his mother.. or repair the car, etc.
Then, after my conflict with my parents (my husband was at work at that time), I called him and told him how bad I was, that I wanted to live separately.. he listened to me, and when he arrived so tactfully he told me that you’re sorry, but I’ll move with my own. .. since I need peace (he didn’t even invite me and the child with him), I agreed without a second thought and then it started... I was always pulling him out to the square so that he could help with something... he waved it off or drove away for a couple of hours and didn’t go a reason to leave. After another quarrel, he simply left, saying that he didn’t see any point in being on the block... I was sobbing from helplessness... then he didn’t take the body, he took the card from me. I took on all the problems and burdens... I bought cement, baseboards, I carried everything myself, I hung wallpaper with my dad... (he helped me a lot... they did everything with him) his parents did not touch our apartment..
then we had a conversation. Then he told me that he needed to think about something... I didn’t understand, they say, I’d better find myself a man, and it seems like there are no feelings... but just a drink, to be honest, I was in shock.. I don’t understand what happened , I have a touchy nature and I kept referring to his character as being offended..
in the end, he said that he had a relationship with a girl (she has a child) they went to college with her and they had a relationship then, I didn’t hear about it from him.. I don’t remember myself at that time.. I I cried out loud, asked to explain what was wrong, he told me that I didn’t have enough attention and when I needed you, you weren’t there, you only needed a square. I lost 15 kg in 14 days, didn’t sleep at night, smoked a pack of cigarettes a night... he said he didn’t know what he needed and couldn’t decide what to do... he was drawn here and there)) I told him (since he started to drag it out) that let’s talk about it in a month.. make up your mind.. there were many moments during this month.. and he came with flowers and said that he realized that no one needed him except me and there was no need to look for him... he promised which will help me forget everything (but I have such a character.. I drank like that.) but now I don’t recognize myself.. I’m silent so much attention to him, as if it wasn’t he who cheated, but me.. and he didn’t really beg for forgiveness.. somehow he came back and that's it... of course he pays more attention now... he often brushes off sex... he says he's tired... but that's not enough for me
Now, when we fight, I’m always afraid that he’ll call his lady, she didn’t leave him alone for a long time, she kept calling, he just ignored her.. I understand her and I tell him that he gave hope to a lonely person, she’ll cling
what to do, help... how to erase everything from memory, I’m very upset that I myself was humping, and at that time he was having fun

Cheating on a spouse is a difficult test that not every woman can withstand. Although in most cases, traitors are forgiven and accepted into the family, it is very difficult to forget about betrayal. Memories of the husband’s vile act remain in the wife’s soul, and during any quarrel she will definitely remind him of it. Therefore, if you decide to accept your husband’s act, it is very important not only to forgive the betrayal, but also to be able to forget about it and improve a good relationship with my spouse. It will no longer be possible to return the old relationship, since trust has been undermined, but building new ones is quite possible.

What is betrayal to you?

Different people define the concept of betrayal in their own way, and therefore everyone has different attitudes towards it. What do you consider treason? In what case is it impossible to forgive betrayal and we are talking about betrayal? Sex with a prostitute, virtual sex, phone sex, sex while drunk - men don’t consider this treason, but for women it’s probably not the treason itself that is much more offensive, but the fact that it has become known. No matter how a man cheats, for a woman it is a betrayal, because he broke all the promises of love.

Should betrayal be forgiven?

Women who have never encountered such a bitter word “betrayal” claim that they will never forgive a traitor. And this is understandable, pain, anger, disappointment, pride - all these mixed feelings do not allow one to forgive betrayal. But, faced with her husband’s betrayal, forgiveness still comes. Why? When deciding to restore a relationship after your husband’s betrayal, you need to ask yourself a few questions:

• Are there feelings in your relationship? Find some evidence that your husband loves you. At this moment, do not think about cheating. It is clear that this act negates all the good things, but there were things in your life together pleasant moments!
• Do you have any children? How will they cope with the breakup with their father? Do not rashly tell your children about what happened, do not turn them against their father. You may forgive your husband, but your children may not.
• How dependent are you on your husband? Will you be able to live independently after a divorce?
• Why did the betrayal happen?
• Are you ready to forget about what happened?

By answering these questions to herself, a woman will be able to make the right decision. When trying to find the answer to the question of how to restore a relationship after a husband’s betrayal, it is important to understand the reasons for this act.

Reasons for my husband's cheating

To be honest, men change almost everything. It’s just that some people know how to hide it so as not to destroy the family, while others are less careful. And whether a man will cheat directly depends on his wife, her cunning and intelligence. You can be a stunning beauty, but this will not protect you from betrayal; even stars, sex symbols, whom millions dream of, are cheated on. So why do men cheat? Why exactly did your husband cheat on you?

1. Maybe it's you. Analyze carefully what may not suit your spouse about you? Are you well-groomed and take good care of yourself? No matter how tired you are at work and at home, you must always be beautiful! remember, that time is running and your competitor may already be a girl half your age.
2. It is very important that everything is great in sex. Therefore, if you have sex twice a month. You often have a headache or are tired; you do not accept experiments in sex. Then there is no need to go to a fortune teller: your spouse will cheat on you. Many women make the mistake of spending all their energy on cooking, cleaning, and ironing. In fact, home coziness and comfort for a man are not great importance. Of course, he appreciates it, but he can also eat in a restaurant. A beautiful and sexy wife, full of energy at night - that’s what he needs.
3. How much time do you spend with your spouse? No husband will like it if his wife sits in front of the computer or TV all day long. Your endless get-togethers with your friends won’t suit him too much either. Spend better time at your husband, watch a good movie with him in the evening or have a romantic dinner by candlelight.
4. And some men are just designed this way: he wants to cheat, try new sensations, likes to take risks. At the same time, he loves his wife and children very much; for everyone around him, he is a decent family man. In this case, he is driven by ordinary lust. It will not be possible to eliminate her, but it is possible to make sure that he has no time, no energy, no money left for his mistresses. The previous three points will help you with this.
5. It also happens that the husband cheated while intoxicated. Of course, he cannot be justified by this; in any case, he must be responsible for his actions. It’s just easier for a woman to survive betrayal here: she knows that her husband loves her, and he does not have a permanent mistress.

As you can see, in some cases the woman herself is to blame, not directly, of course, but indirectly.

You found out about cheating - what to do?

Whatever the reason for betrayal, it is always tears and pain. Having learned about the betrayal of your spouse, the very least you want to do with him is destroy him, make him feel the same. But emotions will get you nowhere. In a fit of anger, you can make a decision that you will later regret. So what to do?

• Have a cry. Let all emotions go away with tears. Once you have calmed down, you can think and make a decision.
• Don't shout, don't threaten, don't humiliate yourself. Behave with dignity.
• Do not drag relatives and children into your family squabbles.
• Do not pay your husband in the same coin - do not cheat out of spite. After cheating, you will feel even worse, and your husband, when he finds out, will not forgive.

The main question is how to restore a relationship after your husband cheats

Psychotherapist Carl Whitaker wrote the following lines: “Love puts crystal chains on us.” Very true words. Indeed, marital relationships can be compared to crystal, they are so fragile and destructible. If, after all, the crystal of your love breaks, of course, it is unpleasant and offensive; in the first minutes it seems that life has no meaning and everything is lost. Naturally, this is not true. Many spouses exist well even after a divorce, having found new love. And some were lucky enough to save their family and establish wonderful relationships after betrayal.

Let me give you an example famous story love of movie stars - Sergei Zhigunov and Anastasia Zavorotnyuk. Their relationship began during the filming of the series “My Fair Nanny,” where they both played leading roles. Fascinated by the beauty and youth of the “nanny,” the famous midshipman left the family after for long years marriage. But later, when his new relationship did not work out, he returned to his wife and they even got married in church. His wife found the strength to forgive and understand him.

Restoring a relationship after cheating is not easy, but if you decide to do it, then you need to try. There is no need to forgive your husband for the sake of the children, for the sake of the family, giving in to the persuasion of relatives. The family will survive, of course, but the relationship will not. You don’t want a stuck together family that will fall apart again at any moment. You need to try to save the family only if the husband admitted his guilt and sincerely repented, the wife was able to forgive and forget his betrayal. If spouses have feelings for each other, if everyone is ready to change, then such a family will only become stronger after reunification.

There are cases when you cannot forgive your husband:

• When he puts all the blame on you. He complains. That he didn’t have enough sex, little attention, and so on. Of course, this is your fault, but this in no way excuses him. If there was something he wasn’t happy with in your relationship, you should have talked about it before cheating.
• If he puts pressure on you. He threatens to take the children away and leave them without a livelihood. You just need to run away from such a powerful husband.
• If he pretends to be a victim. The man begins to cry, saying that he cannot live without you, and threatens suicide. You don't need such a man either.

You can build a relationship after betrayal under three conditions:

• It takes time to cool down, for emotions to move aside. Only with a clear and pure mind can you make a truly correct decision.
• Work on mistakes. Think about what made your husband cheat. There is no need to blame only him for what happened. Of course, there is no need to put all the blame on yourself and justify your spouse, but it is necessary to admit that you were wrong in some way. Only that family will survive where they have the ability to admit mistakes and forgive.
• If you love your husband, and, importantly, your husband loves you, then is it worth losing love because of one mistake? Even criminals have the right to review a decision. Forgive your spouse and use your feminine cunning to prevent this from happening again in the future.

Cheating in most cases does not mean that the relationship has exhausted itself. Yes, this is a difficult test for both. But if there is love, it can be survived.