In love, you never know when you will be lucky and when disaster will strike. Either you may have a problem finding the girl you love, or you may be worried that she has left or broken off the relationship. The situation becomes even worse when a girl leaves for no reason. What to do in such a situation?

It's quite normal these days to encounter unrequited love. So you met beautiful girl, attracted her attention, won her heart. You even started a relationship. Everything seemed to be going well. Of course, sometimes there were quarrels, but who doesn’t have them? It seemed that the relationship was established and that you could enjoy it. However, a day arises when a girl leaves you, without explaining the reasons. The worst thing here is not only her departure, but also the lack of opportunity to solve the problem.

What to do in a situation when a girl leaves for no reason? First, decide for yourself whether you need to return it. Since the girl left first, this may motivate the reader to definitely get her back. Some guys try to get girls back so that later, when the relationship resumes, they can leave them themselves. Like, not the girl, but the guy left, broke off the relationship.

Should you spend your time and energy trying to win back a girl whom you will then leave on your own initiative? If you have nothing else to do, then spend your time on such entertainment. This will also be a useful experience. However, understand that you will not get anything more than gained experience and wasted time. If you need experience on how to break up with girls, then it’s better to read about it in another article than to waste the days of your youth.

At the first stage, you need to make a conscious and final decision for yourself:

1. “I love this girl. She deserves for me to correct the situation and renew my relationship with her.”
2. “I don’t like this girl. I was just interested and having fun with her. But since she left, it means there is room for another beauty.”

Here it is recommended to be honest with yourself so as not to deceive yourself in the first place. If you really want to get your girl back, then read on to find out how to do it. And if in fact you don’t need a girl, then relax and enjoy the sudden freedom.

By the way, situations often arise when girls leave guys on their own initiative. But when they see that the guys are not trying to get them back, moreover, they continue to live and enjoy new events, then this irritates them even more. Girls often themselves then tell the guys: “Why don’t you bring me back? You do not love me?". This suggests that in fact the girl did not want to break off the relationship. She just wanted the guy to run after her, show his love, and flatter her. But since he does not satisfy her whims, this infuriates and irritates the girl even more. Now she, and not the guy, is trying to renew the relationship.

Find out the reason for the separation

If you decide to return the girl and resume relations with her, you should first find out the reason for the separation. It is quite difficult to do this if the girl herself has not announced it. However, such situations occur quite often. The girl leaves without explaining the reasons.

In order to do so, you will have to eliminate the reason why she decided to break up. Otherwise, all your attempts to renew the relationship will be useless. No matter what you do, the girl will first look at whether the reason that prompted her to break up with you has been eliminated. If not, then jump around all you want and promise anything, and she won't be impressed.

Finding out the reason for the breakup is your second task after you have first decided that you love the girl and want her back. Since the girl did not explain the reason for the breakup, we will have to consider the most common options for what is happening.

1. The desire to hold on, to please.

Since the first experience is the most bitter, many guys continue to step on the same rake. A common reason why girls leave their boyfriends is that guys are trying to please them, interest them, and keep them close to them.

This is called the “bottom position”, when the girl becomes a goddess, for whose sake you need to do everything in order to maintain a relationship with her. The guy is interested in how to interest her in himself, how to please her, how to please her, how to make peace, etc. In other words, he is already putting himself in the position that he is to blame for all the troubles, and she (the girl) is doing everything right, better than he is more worthy.

While you beg for the love of another person through various deeds and actions, he deprives you of it even more. He doesn't love you because you ask and you don't deserve to have it! This is a sacrificial position, where the guy must earn the girl to be happy with him, and not already deserve her hand and heart.

The situation is completely different when a guy thinks like this:

• “If she wants to see me, then she will come to the meeting anyway.”
• “If she likes me, then she will date me anyway.”
• “If she is interested in me as a person, then she will stay with me anyway, without gifts or persuasion.”

You do not sacrifice yourself to keep someone, but already consider yourself worthy of love, attention, respect and other privileges. If some girl doesn’t give you this, then that’s her problem. You move on with your life in peace, without keeping anyone close to you. The one who wants will remain of his own free will and desire.

Girls leave guys when they try to feed them, persuade them, interest them, give them something, etc. Of course, girls like that they are being chased, looked after, and trying to attract attention. However, such guys already put themselves in the position of “below the girl.” Today she is happy that you throw yourself all at her feet, and tomorrow she realizes that she is tired of constantly dating a “doormat.” She needs a man, an individual, a full-fledged person, and not a slave who is ready to do anything for her.

Relationships with a slave or a “rag” soon become boring and uninteresting. The girl understands that it is very convenient for her to be next to such a guy, but in such a relationship there is no drive, passion, or intrigue. The guy is not a person who can argue, say “no,” send her to four directions, etc. The girl begins to get bored next to her “own shadow” - a guy who is ready to indulge her in everything.

Please note that girls are interested in and even cry for guys who wipe their feet on them. These guys don't persuade, don't try, or even do anything to get girls to like them. They simply consider themselves worthy of love and relationships. They don't try to keep those girls who leave them. And those girls who themselves are interested in such guys, on their own initiative, build and develop relationships.

1. Boredom, routine.

Until you date elderly grandmothers, you should make your relationships interesting, varied, and full of impressions. Another mistake guys make is that they soon turn relationships into routine and boredom. Every day is similar to dozens of previous days. Over time, this begins to get boring, the girl gets bored and soon becomes interested in other, lively and cheerful guys.

Relationships should not be monotonous and routine. You are not yet a married couple. You are not dating the old lady yet. This means that things must happen in your relationship. This could be a visit to a cafe, a walk in the park, a romantic evening, etc. You can even meet friends and take a walk with them, which will also fill you with new impressions and emotions.

The girl wants to live and gain new emotions. This will never happen in a monotonous relationship. If a guy categorically refuses to make the days interesting and amaze the girl with new impressions, then she will find another gentleman.

Activities such as hobbies, sports, walking together, even solving someone’s problems will help here. Your life together should be full of various events, which will bring a lot of joyful and sad emotions. At the same time, do not forget about rest. On such days, you can be a little lazy, watch TV together and do nothing. However, the rest period should not be longer than the active period.

1. Lack of emotions.

An important mistake of many “good”, “kind” and “ideal” guys is that they are not emotional. Girls need emotions of love, joy, attention, support and more. Of course, you don’t need to cry with her while watching your favorite TV series. However, the girl should be hugged, kissed, spoken words of love, etc.

A guy can be very nice and sweet. However, if he is afraid to touch the girl, hugs her a little, does not kiss her, does not talk about his love, does not share emotions and does not allow the girl to show them, then over time she begins to think about leaving for a more emotional partner. The guy himself is not bad, he just doesn’t know how to build a spiritual and emotional relationship with a girl who really needs it.

Bottom line

If a girl left without a reason, you should still find out. When a girl is offended by something, she usually tells the guy about it. In rare cases, rupture occurs unexpectedly. Usually this is preceded by quarrels or some cooling of feelings between a guy and a girl. The result is the departure of the beloved if the guy does not hear her indignations and requests.

No matter how cool a guy is, you can also leave him. May be a good man, but bad as a beloved partner. You should correct your mistakes if you do not want to be abandoned in the future. Moreover, if you want to return the girl, then you will have to first eliminate the reasons why she left you.

Hello, a girl left me 4 days ago without explaining the reason, she also didn’t want to meet and say everything in person, she said if we meet, we’ll get together. We are in Lately they began to swear often, misunderstandings began to appear, she was a very intrusive person, she believed that her parents, sister and grandmother did not always think correctly, since she was more experienced, wiser, when we met for two and a half years without seeing anything wrong, and jumped over small holes holding on by the hand, she changed after family conversations, she told me that we needed to change the relationship, although there was harmony, everything was very good, but then it was as if they had changed her, she wanted to change the relationship globally, one might say, she is different in herself person and she herself would not be able to tolerate such a relationship and why me, if everything is fine, I explained to her that all people are different and try to find a person in whom they will see themselves, for whom that same wonderful feeling will appear - love, especially mutual, told her that some people have been looking for love for years and decades, said that every relationship is different and if your sister tells you how their relationship is, this does not mean that ours should be the same. So after that as soon as she changed, we began to quarrel often, I quarreled with her, because it was a shame that after the operation on my leg and after the operation I lay at home for 10 days because I lost consciousness, the anesthesia affected me so much, she never came to see me, neither to the hospital where I stayed for three days, nor home where I stayed for 10 days, although after the hospital, without stopping home, I went straight to her, but I couldn’t stay for more than 15 minutes, because the pastel regime was required, she herself lives in the city , and I’m 7 km from her in the village, to which buses go, I began to be dissatisfied with such moments, maybe I was stressing myself out when she couldn’t even just call my mother and say that she was with me and therefore would be a little late, I didn’t asked to sit until late, I asked for at least 20 minutes more to stay with me, because I didn’t have enough time (and this time was usually two hours), I didn’t like such moments when I felt bad and asked her to come to me, that they would take her and take her back even if she didn’t want to take the bus, but in three years of relationship she never came to me, I never demanded anything from her, I was happy that I could just see this person, that I love him and he loves me, but after she changed, she became sharper, she often considered herself right, so after my next bad feeling, when I was lying at home and asked her, maybe they will come and bring you to me, I really miss you and want to see you, she started looking for some excuses, and when I started to explain to her, she simply said I don’t want to listen to everything, hung up the phone, didn’t pick up, she did everything the way she wanted it , I could say that that’s it, I’m tired of it all, I don’t want this anymore, I’m tired, etc., that this is the end, and then she came back having come to her senses after half a day, I’m not talking about the fact that I’m an angel, I’m very proud and hot-tempered, but when I was wrong, I realized it and apologized immediately. She was going to fly to Greece on vacation with her grandmother, we had been arguing for two weeks before, almost every day, she didn’t hear me and didn’t want to hear me, three days before leaving we had a very big fight, we wanted to put an end to it, I realized that she didn’t like it when I explained to her what she was wrong about and that she could just kill her without explaining, I came to her and we immediately made up, I said that I understood and realized everything, she said that she understood, we spent two last days great, I literally carried her in my arms, at the last meeting she didn’t want to leave me and when I had to go, she couldn’t leave, she said that she loved her madly and would miss her very much, that she didn’t want to leave without me. Having flown away, we corresponded every day, each SMS was filled with warmth, words about love and that we couldn’t wait to see each other, this went on for 7 days, after which I woke up in the morning and saw a message that we needed to break up, that she talked a lot with her grandmother and I understood a lot from her and that now she is sure that I am not her person with whom she will be all her life, that we are different people, after these words I was eaten up from the inside, I called, but she did not pick up the phone, she only wrote that she did not I need to call and when we arrive we will meet and talk, I wrote to her so much, asked her not to hurt her so much, asked why she didn’t wait for the meeting and would have said everything to her face, and not at such a distance and without explaining anything, because when we were together we had everything it was good if they started arguing, it was enough for us to just look into each other’s eyes and we started laughing, I wrote whole poems about us to her, that I was ready for anything if only she didn’t leave me, I begged her to at least just pick up the phone so that I heard her voice, I told her that I would pay every penny as soon as we talked on the phone, and she only told me that she would eat a lot of money and I don’t know how to manage money. I also found out on the last day that she met a guy there, with whom I walked, hugged and kissed goodbye, and I already wanted to meet just to find out who he was, when she arrived home she said that she was tired and didn’t want to go out anywhere, I arrived at the house and she deigned to leave half an hour later, coming up to me I saw cold, absolutely empty eyes in which there was a nastiness, I immediately began to feel such pressure inside, everything was written in the eyes, asking about the guy, she only answered, “What difference does it make to you, that if we met, it was after we broke up,” trying take my hand, she threw my hands away, didn’t let me in, I asked why you did this to me, what did I do, she stood and looked with empty eyes, I stood and couldn’t hold back my tears, I hit the wall crazy, broke my finger, and she doesn’t care at all, the guy is from Minsk, he apologized to me, he told me everything, she later confirmed, I didn’t sleep for 4 days and didn’t eat anything, I couldn’t get rid of thoughts about her, starting to write to her, she sharply replied that that’s it, although she wrote that she loved me and that she was also in great pain, she closed herself off from me everywhere, she didn’t even want me to write to her, and I asked just to meet and for all this, she told me to my face that it would become easier for the two of us to discuss everything, but she doesn't care. ..
The two of us are 19 years old, we dated for 3 years, we lived in perfect harmony for two and a half years, then everything changed suddenly, misunderstandings began, and then we began to quarrel very often.
Sorry, if I wrote it wrong somewhere, I just have a big pile of what I wanted to say, I was losing my thoughts on where to start and how to continue, if something was not clear, I will explain to you, please advise me how to proceed, I haven’t written anything to her for the second day, I’ve turned on the complete ignore mode, although she still doesn’t write, well, quietly, it seems, she’s starting to open up, I love her very much and I miss her, well, at the same moment, I don’t know , I can’t figure out whether I need this or not, well, I feel bad without her... I really hope for your advice, that you can tell me what I need to do and what it was and why ((

You meet a man and feel that “that same spark” jumps between you. A few days of exchanging text messages, and now you are already going on a date. Chemistry is a strong thing. With new contact between the two elements that you and your boyfriend are, the attraction can be very strong.

But after several meetings, something goes wrong. And this is something that puzzles you. The man begins to ignore messages, come up with reasons to delay the next date, becomes too busy, promises to call back, but never does, and then disappears altogether.

What happens afterthe man leaveswithout a reason

When a man leaves out of your life in this way, you are left alone with yourself - stunned, morally crushed, having no idea why he is doing this. After all, everything was just great! And suddenly it was over.

You don't understand who is to blame for this. Perhaps he had intentions that you were not suited to fulfill. Or maybe it’s because of his “cockroaches in his head.”

I will say this, if this is an isolated case, then maybe it’s just those “cockroaches”. But if such situations happen more than once, you need to start looking within yourself for the reason,why do men lose interest to you.

Why does a man lose interest in a woman?or What went wrong?

This is why this situation is incomprehensible to most women. When a girl loses interest in a guy after a few dates, she can almost always identify the reason why. Perhaps he is not very intelligent, withdrawn, uncommunicative, or, on the contrary, too noisy and active. That is, she can specifically say what exactly she doesn’t like about him.

For men, everything is different. He can enjoy great dates with you. He may enjoy sex with you. But at some point, having discovered that your company is more unpleasant for him, the man leaves . And you are from such a situation.

And is there really no explanation for this?No. There is always a reason. Let's look at one of them. After several successful dates, many women, making sure that they like the man, begin to fantasize about a future together.

So what happens next? You come up with different options. life together, imagine how he will behave. You think that he is already yours forever. In general, you become attached to your fantasies and gradually begin to impose them on him.

At the same time, you do not notice the problem. Instead of getting to know the real him, you begin to build a relationship with his fictional copy, which often has nothing in common with real person in front of you.

Most men intuitively feel when a girl is too attached great importance an ordinary meeting or acquaintance. If expectations are placed on a man that he did not sign up for, this, of course, causes a reaction of rejection.

You think that he already owes you something. But he really just wanted to have a good time, in the end he was looking for an unobtrusive relationship plus sex. He is clearly not ready for such a turn of events, when he almost needs to take you to church, and will naturally back down.

In this situation it cannot be said that the man is just loses interest in a woman, because he has serious reasons for this.

Why do women do this?

All women want to feel good, but often their actions lead to the opposite. This is because everyone needs confidence and experiences fear of the unknown.

This fear is destructive. Moreover, a woman may not realize that he exists. Few people manage to realize the presence of such a problem in time.

Meanwhile, the ever-growing anxiety is overshadowed by the desire to become happy, to quickly find a man who will not only give you love, but will also become a universal tool for solving all your problems. At the same time, you forget that you also need to work on yourself, and not rely on your chosen one.

When you date a guy who makes you feel good, this need becomes overwhelming. You may not even realize you're doing it. But a man senses changes in you.

And in the end, instead of feeling a sense of unity with you, he begins to understand that you want something from him. He doesn't know exactly what. But instinct does its job and gives a hint to a man - to leave right now, before it’s too late and he’s not bogged down head over heels in responsibilities that he doesn’t need..

Here's more specific example from life: Once upon a time, one woman attended a women’s training and was informed that she needed to make an album of her desires and hang it in a visible place for her husband to see. And then they will definitely be fulfilled. When my husband came home and saw the album, he packed his things and left. To the question “WHY?”, she received the answer - “Sorry, dear, but I’m not the man who can give you everything you want.” The man was simply frightened by the number of desires that she had imagined for herself.

Now imagine - it was the husband! What can we say about a man with whom you have only had a couple of dates? It is quite natural that, frightened by all those desires that you so long for to be fulfilled, a man leaves your life. I'm not saying that a man cannot realize them. I'm saying that you don't need to shift your problems, questions and expectations onto him. If he wants, he will decide for himself. But putting a man in the state of “you owe me” is the first step towards breaking up in a relationship.

This usually happens at a time when a woman is trying to think about what needs to be done to make your future relationship work out in the best possible way. But there are no relationships yet.

Here we can draw an analogy. Imagine that someone comes up to you and tries to sell you something unnecessary and useless. Even if the person who approached smiles and seems friendly, subconsciously you still want to leave, because you know that they approached you for a reason. They want to get money from you, not help.

The same thing is felt by a man who is just trying to get to know the interlocutor opposite, but already feels that they want something from him.

You can't force love

When you enter into a new relationship and start to think that this is something more than just communication, consider it game over. And by the time you think about what happened and why the man is losing interest in you, it will be too late.

This does not mean that in this situation the man is right and the woman is wrong.

The best relationships are those that form naturally. Relationships can give you what you dream of. But there is no need to make them an end in themselves.

This is the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy or dysfunctional one. A healthy relationship is when two people are happy, when everything is mutual, comfortable, when you give something, but also receive quite a lot in return.

An unhealthy relationship is when one of the partners, or even both, believes that the other should give them something or has something that could be received from him, some kind of benefit.

So how to solve this problem? If you stop focusing on results and just enjoy life, then a man will also feel good around you.

When he understands that you feel good, that everything is fine with you, he will want to be close to you. But when you begin to demand from him something to which in fact you do not yet have the right, this leads to the man leaving. And yes, it really is that simple.

Of course, this is not the only reason why a man leaves and loses interest in a woman, but it is certainly one of the most common. There may also be banal incompatibility, but this is a completely different conversation that we can have if you decide to follow the Path of a Woman.

The most interesting articles by Yaroslav Samoilov:

Tasyaya

My name is Tasya, on December 1 my husband rented an apartment and left without explaining the reasons. We lived with him for 16 years; together we survived our son’s long-term cancer and his death (no more children; planned in 2017; I’m 35, my husband is 39. I took a minimum of things; in December I categorically did not communicate only with dry short SMS; I promised everything that we’d talk, but things didn’t go beyond promises. Basically I was pushing with conversations, I wanted to know the reason; this year communication started better, he even came and lived with me for 1.5 weeks and told me that he had met someone else, but it didn’t go beyond kissing and that then I realized that it was better for me to break up with her. Then I had a drink with one of my friends after work and went back to a rented apartment. I again raised the question in SMS about the need to talk; after all, he set a deadline of February 1, but the conversation never happened; he only writes SMS that he wants to break up so that I I let him go; that I need to go to the registry office to get a divorce, but after everything it’s normal to communicate. In response to my questions about talking, he writes, but what to talk about, I don’t know the answers to those questions. What to do next, I don’t know

Olesya Verevkina

Tasyaya, the psychologist will comment on the topic in a while.

Hello Tasya! A situation of uncertainty is always painful. Especially when it comes to the feelings and actions of a loved one. I sympathize with you.
You and your husband have experienced a severe shock that disrupts your usual life and makes you rethink everything and think about the future. People cope with such events in different ways. Someone mobilizes, someone loses heart, someone is at a loss... It depends on the person’s personality type and a number of other conditions.
Your husband has probably lost his footing in life, left an environment where everything reminds him of tragic events and he needs time to come to his senses. At such moments, you should not be excessively persistent and demand answers - he really may not have them. We need to give him time to rethink what happened alone and come to his senses a little. You just need to be nearby - take an interest in his life, affairs, health. So that he does not lose the feeling that you are the dearest person.

Tasyaya

Irina Kornilova, I am most afraid that he will resume the relationship that was in December and will forget me; I don’t understand why he’s talking about divorce so quickly

Tasya, you shouldn’t be afraid that your husband will resume some kind of relationship. In the end, this is not important - he may not renew the relationship, but start a relationship with someone else if he does not need the old family. Right? So there is no need to worry about other relationships in vain - you need to try to make your relationship valuable to your husband. Then your competitors will not be afraid of you.
Often, after tragic events in the family, people cannot live in the old way, because everything reminds them of the grief they experienced and they want to run away so as not to pick at their wounds every day. It seems that if you radically change the situation and environment, you can start life with clean slate. But this does not happen - the events experienced leave a mark on the soul and only loved ones who were there during difficult times can truly understand and share these experiences. This understanding comes with time.
In such situations, when a person rushes about and tries to somehow alleviate his condition through new impressions, only patience and understanding of loved ones helps. It is these two qualities that are especially valued in spouses. New hobbies only create a new positive background that allows a person to escape from sad experiences. But, as you have already seen, the novelty wears off and your husband returns to you because he “realized that you are better.”

Tasyaya

Irina Kornilova, good afternoon!! Time has passed since my husband left; at the end of March he returned to me, we talked, he admitted that during this time he had a relationship with a work colleague, but he realized that he wanted to be with me; we live together now; but how do you learn to trust him?? And don’t be afraid that he might leave again I don’t know

Tasya, this cannot be learned. Trust is built over years and only through practice.
Just be glad that your husband chose you - you turned out to be the best the best woman for him. So try to ensure that he never regrets that he made such a choice. Husband and wife are together of their own free will, so the only guarantee of your long-term family happiness will be your and your husband’s desire to preserve it. It all depends on you and on your feminine wisdom, and on your desire to keep your husband’s interest in you for a long time. long years. There is no guarantee of eternal love, so you will have to work on relationships throughout your life.
If you have already started living together again, then simply leave the past behind. It won't go anywhere - what has happened has happened. But allowing the past to control your present and future means accumulating resentment and anger towards each other. Then it turns out that there is no point in starting all over again. Right?
People learn from the past and move on, learning from their mistakes.

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Tasyaya

Support the site:

Elena, age: 32 / 06/10/2012

Responses:

Dear Lenochka, tormenting yourself with the question of why he did this is one of the most fruitless activities. Yes, unfortunately, it is a very common story when a person acts so ugly without explaining anything. But his action is already on HIS conscience, it is HIS responsibility. But you need to take care of yourself, and urgently. You really can't run away from yourself. Sports and guests - good, but only if available internal work over yourself, otherwise it turns out that you are temporarily killing the pain, instead of healing the wounds. There is a lot of necessary materials on the site that really help you figure it out. And don’t be discouraged, for God’s sake, don’t be discouraged, hold on! God help you!

Petlichka, age: 28 / 06/10/2012

Elena, I really liked your letter...
Why do you need a reason?
Most likely, this is his internal crisis, as usual at this age, a person does not feel happy in the coordinate system that he has created for himself, and abruptly changes it. Changing a woman is the easiest way.
There are many options for what he could say, and none of them would please you.
Maybe start looking and planning your life, perhaps moving, find relatives and old friends, think about your personal life and children... From the impression of the letter, your husband was a selfish person and did not listen to you too much, so maybe Don’t worry so much, especially since you are not that old.

Annushka, age: 37 / 06/10/2012

Helen, dear, judging by your description, you should be happy, not crying! Well, is this the behavior of a normal adult man - stealing food and other people's things? Yes, for this in childhood they beat you on the butt and put you in a corner, but already in high school they give you a “dark” punishment. Yes, your former treasure is just an undergrowth in moral terms, and, apparently, he will never grow up. You don’t write about how your life together went, how you met, why you ended up in another country. By the way, where do you live? I live in Italy, also alone in a foreign country, and I would be happy to share my experience of surviving in such conditions. Helen, I hug you tightly and no matter how strange it may sound, congratulations on everything that happened. You have freed yourself from the unreliable, difficult relationships that have shackled you for many years. Now the time has come for you to recover and develop as a person, grow up and survive in difficult conditions. A young man also abandoned me when I was abroad and really needed his help. But nothing, as you see, survived and gained valuable experience. And now I am very grateful for everything that happened to me. Go to church, pray for your ex-husband, for yourself, say thank you for all the good things you had. And start with a clear conscience new stage your life, you will succeed! God help you!

Alexandra, age: 27 / 06/10/2012

Elena, it’s true that what you write is terrible. But it looks more like self-deception. Why weren’t you alarmed that in 10 years your loved one has not found an opportunity to have children with you? That says it all, in my opinion. You didn’t want to see that his attitude towards you was not at all the same as a man’s towards a woman dear to him. Stop solving this puzzle, especially since the solution lies on the surface, you don’t want to see it - you made a mistake in only one thing - you didn’t marry your man - it happens, women often make mistakes, either in a hurry, or out of uncertainty about of her feminine attractiveness. Now something else is important! 32 is the age at which it is fashionable in the West (and is becoming fashionable here) to give birth! If, to please your ex-husband, you have not lost this ability, urgently arrange your personal life and make someone worthy, who understands and needs this happiness, happy with an offspring! Most of all you need it! Believe me, if you succeed, and for some reason I really believe in this, your current grief will seem to you something flat, small and palely annoying.

Of, age: 48 / 06/10/2012

Dear Elenushka! Calm down and look at the situation from the outside, as if you were an outsider. It has already happened - come to terms with it, accept it. After all, we don’t regret our childhood, which has passed. And now why regret the past, leave the past in the past - this is important. You write that your husband laughed after the divorce, remember - THE ONE WHO LAUGHS LAST LAUGHES! What are these “creatures” missing? And I’ll tell you what - they just haven’t lived badly yet. They move away from good things, thinking that they will live even better, but the Lord sees everything, and therefore will put everything in its place. And you get up from your knees, yes, it’s hard, but you MUST!!! Love yourself! Hurt you close person, so why are you hurting yourself too? Finally tell yourself STOP, who am I worried about, a weak little man? Because it's real and loving man will never allow his beloved to suffer! Pull yourself together, there are a lot of us on this site and everyone is slowly going through and has gone through it. Everyone could do it, and you can too, because YOU HAVE TO!!! Pray more, and the Lord will not leave you! You can, you just really want to! Hold on!

Chereshenka, age: 36 / 06/10/2012

Helen, most likely he has someone else and he lives with new emotions, he has no time for you. But such a “husband” is worthless, who, having lived with a person for 10 years, cannot simply say hello or explain himself - this is disgusting! It should not be!!! What is happening to our husbands, good people? They walk around, abandon them, rob them financially, betray them, many throw mud at them, do not communicate with children, dodge alimony - and we also cry about them and how we cry, we simply die from pain and resentment. ABOUT WHO??? We simply cannot evaluate them realistically; we overprice them. And their price is a penny, and even then a broken one. Lena, let him laugh, let him be happy, let him go his own way and get away from you as quickly as possible. He won’t hurt you anymore, he won’t get this opportunity again, you won’t give it!!! Time will pass, and the pain will run through your fingers like sand in your hand. And the time will come when you say, “Lord, thank you for everything!” I already said it.

Dana, age: 45 / 06/10/2012

Lena, of course, it’s sad and sad to read your cry from the soul. What can we say? Read other stories, there you will see so much pain, prayer and a truly difficult situation that you will immediately understand that your story is not the saddest. Don't be offended by these words! Just understand, step away from your problem for a few minutes and look at other people. Hundreds of years before us and after us, loved ones have also left and will continue to leave. Your husband left - so what? How did you live before it? You were probably comfortable with yourself, right? Remember, what did you do, what did you think and dream about in the six months, months, weeks since you met him? We thought... so what? You were the real Lena then, but what has changed now? He didn't want to explain anything - so what? Has the world turned upside down? Is the world going to end tomorrow? No! You are alive and well, the light has not fallen like a wedge on him. This is an outside view! Yes, it’s painful and offensive, yes, I remember wonderful moments of our shared life - so what? Now they are remembered, and in contrast to them, you immediately remember HOW he left. There was a person in your life who gave you happiness, joy, kindness - well, thank him! But then go your own way and if you can overcome resentment, anger, disagreement with what God is creating, then you have learned something! Isn't this a merit? And what a blessing it is that you don’t have children from him! What would he teach them, how could he educate them?
Every time I feel a wave of separation from my husband (and we were married for less than three months for 25 years), I begin to think who is worse off now than me. Go to the hospice, just go in once and bring a pack of diapers - this is pain, this is a monstrous injustice by human standards (God has different ones), but it’s scary when children or young men and women look at you from there, but they could live and live... Does it hurt a lot? Go to where the pain and suffering is strongest, help at least someone with deeds or simply with your participation, with a kind word, a look or a touch on the hand. And then you will feel that your problems are a trifle before Eternity. In fact, you are very lucky that at such a young and wonderful age you saw and felt that that close person, as you thought, turned out to be not at all the one with whom you would like to end your days. Try to help at least someone who is worse off than you - no limbs, a fatal disease, disability, senile weakness... etc. Once you come into contact with this pain, you will understand that a lot of things that we attach importance to are actually worth little. Hold on and give someone joy, and then you will feel relief and recovery will come...

Irina, age: 45 / 06/10/2012

Elena!
I'm sure there is only one reason - ANOTHER WOMAN! But there is simply nothing to say, so there is no conversation. A year ago, my husband also left the court, he laughed. He was happy. A month later he married someone else. And those 11 years of marriage didn’t exist either, just like yours. True, I still have a disabled son in my arms. The father doesn't communicate at all. He is happy! And he doesn’t need other people’s troubles. You've probably read a lot of similar stories here over the past year and a half. I want to tell you the following - it’s good that you are leaving alone and free. You can forget. They will write you a lot of kind words here, support you, and you will forget. And those who still have children in their arms will remember it all their lives. There is such a thing as the call of blood. My son does not see his father, but does many things exactly the same as his father did. This involuntary reminder greatly slows down the recovery process, especially if the child repeats what he didn’t like about his husband. You will start a new life with a clean slate. And memory will helpfully erase unpleasant moments over time.
You will learn to breathe without it - this is your main task now. Hold on with all your might! I highly recommend the book THE GIRL AND THE DESERT. The author is a psychologist who survived a divorce. After I came to this site and realized that there are millions of us like this, it became easier. Let it make you feel better that we are all nearby. Not everyone will write to you personally, but thousands of people will read your story and cry with you. Everyone has their own grief and it seems that it hurts more than others. But what we call grief is not grief. We are alive, everyone is alive, and you simply don’t need a male individual who needs overprotection and is ready to quietly fade away!

Moscowlife, age: 35 / 06/11/2012

Helen! Understand that all your questions are pointless... Most often, only your BM has answers to such questions. And you don’t need it. The first thing, perhaps, that you need now is to go to a psychotherapist - to seek advice, perhaps this will help, since this is a very long time, a year and a half. Still, let's try to figure it out. You are only 32 years old. Life is just beginning, you don’t have children yet. So everything is ahead. And God simply took you away from the trouble you found yourself in with your BM. Whether he is happy or not, you and I will never know. But the fact that you need to learn to be happy without him is very important. And you will have everything: love, a husband, and children... But you need to help yourself. What to do??? Since a lot of time has passed, try not to recycle anything... Why? Let him go, he left, he’s gone... He didn’t want to explain why??? There could be many reasons. But the fact remains - he is gone... and you cannot continue to live. And now you need to work only for yourself. Everything that is done is done for the better...
Now one of many questions is open to you, and you need to open your eyes and look around. And try to see other men... yes, yes... Time, girl, it’s a pity for time... Your time... Well, why do you need to know why he did it, it doesn’t matter anymore... The main thing is you need live. Everything will pass, believe me that everything will pass... This is what a woman tells you who turned her husband out the door, with whom she lived for the same number of years as you - only 32 years old. When I found out about him new love, I wanted to die, and I died in front of my two daughters... They barely saved me... (the love of my girls saved me). I got up on my knees and get up. I am many years old, but you will still have everything... New meetings, new love, and of course children. Believe me, if I survived, like many women from this site, you can, but everything is in your hands. I wish you peace, I wish and want you to just believe... God has his own plans for you - and everything will be fine for you... Happiness to you, fight - and you will succeed...

Olga, age: 52 / 06/11/2012

Hello, Elena!
Our situations are similar in some ways - I also didn’t understand what was going on for almost a year and really wanted to find out.
Now that I know everything, it’s much harder for me than it was! (I won’t describe my condition, everyone here understands everything...).
I remember how I asked, almost begged to talk to me - now I really regret this humiliation! You should have just sent it: “Don’t you want it? Don’t!” - and never hear or see the traitor again.
My advice to you is do not humiliate yourself in front of him, do not look for an opportunity to talk to him, especially if he ignores and even laughs. Maintain your dignity!

Rimma, age: 29 / 06/11/2012

Elena, you are surprised that after a year and a half you still remember your husband and are suffering. I think the amount of time required for complete rehabilitation depends on the degree of our attachment to the other halves who left us. You can imagine, my husband also left abruptly, without saying goodbye, and one evening he received a call from his long-time young mistress that “it’s all over” after 23.5 years of marriage. So, for me personally, it took almost 4 years and more than two years of daily use of antidepressants for complete healing. Now more than 5 years have passed. I remember my husband calmly, like a vision in a distant dream. No emotions - neither good nor negative. Although she went through different stages - from hatred, contempt... There were the first few years when there was not even 2 minutes without thinking about him, and a day without tears! Everything gradually resolved and calmed down. For the last year and a half, I have felt extraordinarily happy, as in my distant childhood, I enjoy every day - I have so many new happy events even without my husband, new sensations - I have learned to enjoy my own life, I have overestimated a lot, I have changed my circle of friends - now only the closest and dearest are in it. nice people. You will also learn to appreciate every day, everything will come. Be patient.

Rita, age: 49 / 06/11/2012

To forget the person faster, I threw away all the things that reminded me of him, deleted all the photographs, basically everything... And then I began to work on coming to terms with it. Everywhere and always I tried to occupy my head with something, constantly think about something and do something. This site has a lot of useful material for you in your situation. It helps a lot to read similar stories and realize that somewhere there are people going through the same thing...

Konstantin, age: 25 / 06/11/2012

Elena, hello! I also want to support you...
The first thing I want to note is that officially getting divorced is good, because they say correctly - “a terrible end is better than horror without end.” Yes, it’s not the best outcome of a marriage and the end of a relationship - but what can you do, it happens... The main thing is that now the bullet has been set after a year and a half of ignorance and empty hopes...
I understand you well, even if everything was different for me, but for a long time it was not clear to me why I, who invested an unrealistic amount of effort, love, care, time, money into relationships in our times, in the end... - suddenly abandoned (now, over time, I understand - they did not abandon, but let go). I can say that her main motive for not explaining herself was elementary shame - I don’t know why, but for some people it’s easier to act meanly than to discuss it openly later... It seems like if you didn’t say anything, that means you’re not guilty, that means it’s as if it never happened ... The second reason, I think, is that she herself did not fully understand what was driving her, whether she was doing the right thing, whether she would become after she had really stepped over the loving person, her husband is better for her. It’s difficult to understand something that you don’t control and don’t really understand. Well, the third reason is that until you explain things to the person, there is more opportunity to then lie about something and turn the situation in the right direction in the future - what if something doesn’t go according to plan, what if something is needed - you have to hold on to the “alternate airfield” in full readiness to forgive and accept if you get tired of the new life...
Now about the motives for your husband’s departure - I think they correctly wrote to you - no matter how trite it sounds - another woman (or other women, it depends on whether a “lover” just came along or he wanted a change and decided to have a good “walk”). This is how some people are designed (I still believe that such primitivism is characteristic of only a few) - to look for themselves in other people's beds. Life is a difficult thing, and if there is no strong spiritual core inside, then it is always easier, in order to please your complexes, to blame someone else (the one who is closer) for all the failures and “start life from scratch.” Well, well, from the pure, after something like this, no one ever succeeds... But this, really, is no longer important - this is his life, his path, his mistakes, his repentance (I hope there is one or at least it will be - otherwise it would be a pity if he so mediocrely ruined his immortal soul...).
I would like to draw your attention to two more points that have already been written to you.
First - you need a psychotherapist and, perhaps, on his recommendation, antidepressants (I made a mistake - at my own discretion, for a couple of months after the “stab in the back” I took everything in a row, 20 tablets a day, including very potent ones - then half a year restored immunity and hormonal levels). A specialist will help you come to your senses faster and with less losses and return from soul-searching and chewing on the past to reality.
Secondly, you are at an age when there is no time for self-pity. There is still plenty of it for one child, but a happy family, in my opinion, is when each child has at least one brother or sister - and here it’s already more difficult to meet... You just need to meet a good person, and build the relationship correctly - it’s not worth it delay in creating a new family, at least it’s time to start slowly preparing for this internally. I understand how difficult it is - but it’s just MUST.
You ask when a new life will begin... Let me ask, what do you mean by this concept? New bright events, new relationships? All this will be a continuation of the “old” life, because it is the only one we have. Another question is whether it may begin for you at a new spiritual stage. Are you a believer? Do you attend Church regularly? Do you pray often? If not, now is the time for such changes!
The Lord will always support and give strength, you just don’t have to turn away from Him, you have to accept His love and everything that He gives with gratitude. This is your main task now!
I have been learning the details of the whole story that destroyed my family for almost three years - and even now some things are emerging. The story is not beautiful... but it no longer hurts. You know, God sends tests to everyone’s strengths - so, like you, he spared me in this regard! If I had found out EVERYTHING then, perhaps I simply would not have been able to stand it, and I think I would have completely lost faith in people, because I was not then sufficiently prepared to forgive THIS... In recent years I have been growing internally - and It became more clear to me. I learned, as you are learning now, humility, pity, true love, forgiveness, kindness, compassion... and a lot of things. I gained all this so that the harsh reality would not simply finish me off, so that I would not become a victim of other people’s passions and actions, so that the ability to TRUST would not be completely lost, without which there is no chance for a new love, family... Knowledge must come in a timely manner, and It's not up to us to decide when...
You write that ex-husband I was happy... If so (I doubt it, but I’ll take your word for it) - that’s good. When the pain and resentment pass, you will understand this. What I want most now is for you to ex-wife everything turned out well, I don’t want a boomerang for her for me (although he has already returned to her, so much so that it won’t seem a little). I really want the person I was with for 10 years to be simply happy... Why? Because I forgave...
You can stop "running in circles" at any time - believe me. The situation is already in the past, now it does not exist anywhere except in your head. It seems to me that it’s time to throw it out of there - and if you try, and with God’s help, everything will work out! Believe in yourself and start LIVING YOUR LIFE - You have no idea how wonderful it is. They took your beloved husband away from you - but they opened it up to you, gave YOU YOURSELF - don’t waste time, it won’t come back...
All the best to you, hang in there and don’t despair. "The darkest time is always before the dawn"!

Alexey, age: 27 / 06/11/2012

Helen, first get down to the ground. Look at everything from the outside. After all, men don’t just change, or they change very rarely. Not by chance Last year your life together, he was different. I am more than 100% sure that he has another one. And it’s no coincidence that he decided to leave when you were on a business trip. I just didn't want to make excuses. Many men, when they leave, shift all the blame onto women - and responsibility too. And yours decided to act differently - to pretend that you do not exist at all and did not exist in his life, so it is easier to leave. You, in turn, stop killing yourself over him, you need to build your life. Stop waiting for a response from him - it's just a waste of time. The answer is clear - he has a different one. I sincerely wish you to recover quickly and start full life.

Ninelya, age: 28 / 06/11/2012

Dear Elena, hello. After reading your story, I really wanted to support you. I’ve been reading the site for 8 months now, but I decided to write for the first time, since my man also left me without any explanation. True, we were not married, but we dated for 6 years. And we need to take into account that he was older than me (I’m 29, he’s 47). When we met, it was the first time for me serious relationship, he surrounded me with care, love, attention. FOR 6 years I fell in love with him with all my soul. When I realized that he didn’t want to sign, he didn’t want a child either (since, as I now understand, he was a big egoist), I tried to talk to him about this topic, I understood that he wouldn’t change... but I would part with him of my own free will I could not. I just couldn’t imagine how I could live even one day without him. When he left (he worked in another city), we communicated through calls and SMS…. Well, actually, that’s not what I’m talking about now. I would like to tell you that they abandoned me in the same way, without explanation... he just started ignoring my calls, without explaining ANYTHING, did not pick up the phone, hung up my calls, deleted me from Skype... We never fought, he is hot-tempered, but I am very calm and soft. For 2 weeks I couldn’t understand what was happening... It came later... later... when he finally picked up the phone a month later and was talking such nonsense that I simply didn’t have the words to answer him... It was at that moment that I understood that I lost him... I don’t know, but something inside told me that this was the end, since in all 6 years nothing like this had ever happened... If we had quarreled, then that would be different, but without quarreling, it is impossible to make peace….
Elena, what can I say... I’m still tormented by the question FOR WHAT? But more and more often I come to the conclusion that it’s not “WHAT”, but “WHAT FOR”!!! For a new life. Reading this site, I understood so much that in my entire life I didn’t know even a small part of it, it turns out. I don’t hold a grudge against him, I want him to be happy, because how much good he did for me, no man has ever done for me. I won’t say anything bad about him, I just don’t have the right to do so... This is his path, everyone must go their own way, Elena... I still love him, that’s why I let him go... As far as I know, he is now dating another girl... What well... let him try to live happily... and I will try... Just understand what it means that THIS is necessary, THIS will be more correct. God has his own plans for each of us. Just trust in the One who will never leave you...
Since it was God’s will, all I could do was resign myself…. And continue to live. At first, like probably for everyone, it was simply physically unbearable... I couldn’t eat or sleep... Thank you for having a job where you’re surrounded by people, and thank God for having true friends who didn’t leave, who cried with you me, they laughed with me... I started going to church... Now I always go there... I pray... I ask for humility... I watch Christian Orthodox films, I ask for strength to live on, and not just to live, but to live well! Thank you for not being embittered, for remaining the same cheerful, kind, clean, sympathetic girl, despite the fact that I’m 30 in August! and I think this is just the beginning...
I wish you a speedy recovery and mental strength to survive this trouble (just a trouble, believe me, nothing more).

tanushavelcom, age: 29 / 06/11/2012

Elena, hello! Think about it, perhaps this is God’s great care for you - why do you need a person next to you who did not respect you, who did not even bother to just talk to you?!

Anna, age: 21 / 06/11/2012

Hello, Lenochka! A year and a half of uncertainty is too much, and a man who is not devoid of decency, conscience, and responsibility would not subject any woman to such torture, much less the one with whom he lived for 10 years. He showed his true nature and is not worth your torment. I think the reason has already been named quite accurately and in my opinion, it is very good that you do not know the details and details that would burn out your soul. Oh, how I once wanted an honest and open conversation, but my ex-husband also did not consider it necessary to explain himself (we lived together for 23 years). And you know, now, two years after the divorce, I’m really glad that I didn’t know all the “loves” of my ex-husband, I didn’t find out the details. After all, even those echoes that, against my will, reached me after a while, amaze with cynicism and abomination. And thank God that you are spared from this. Alexey wrote very well and correctly about this. Don't wait for explanations and don't get hung up on it.
Lenochka, your ex-husband did not throw you into the trash, as you write, but let you go, freed you from himself. You are still so young, you will definitely have a real family, a loving husband who appreciates you, children - yours small world, real happiness. It will happen, don’t even doubt it. And I sincerely, with all my heart, wish you this. May the Lord strengthen you and heal your heartache, everything will be fine for you, it cannot be otherwise, the main thing is to believe!

Valentina, age: 43 / 06/11/2012

Dear Lenochka, my namesake! I really understand your pain - I myself have been experiencing the betrayal of the person most dear to me for 10 months now. I want to tell you that everything passes, the pain subsides and the wound, fortunately, is slowly healing. It’s already scary to think that I wanted to end my life because of a traitor and leave my little blood alone in the whole world. Drive such thoughts away!!! I already want to live and enjoy everything bright! I’m already able to live within my means - I even won an inexpensive trip to Turkey, finally my cherished dream will come true and I will see the sea, put my thoughts in order and, I hope, return from this trip as a completely different person - a beautiful, confident woman, who will never again allow herself to humiliate herself before an insignificant traitor. Believe me, Helen, time heals everything. People lose their children - and even after such tragedies they continue to live, but here the little man with the foulbrood left - let him go! Believe me, everything will be fine with you. The main thing is to endure this test with dignity and learn your lessons. Live for yourself, pamper yourself, calm down. Now is a great time for you - you are free and on the threshold of something new, and most importantly - you are free!!!

Leila, age: 34 / 06/11/2012

Hello, Lena.
Good is the one who laughs without consequences. About your husband, I would not dare to say that everything about him is chocolate, rather, something else. And what is silent does not explain the reason for leaving - so there is nothing to say! And that’s why he doesn’t look him in the eye. They have two options for leaving: blaming the wife for all the sins, throwing a tub of slop on her, or “leaking in English” without saying goodbye. There is a third option, when a man leaves the family as a human being, but this is extremely rare. The first two options are classics.
Lena, you re-read your request and honestly, without lying to yourself, tell me, for whom are you crying, for whom are you shedding tears? 1.5 years of inconsolable worries about a petty little man rummaging through other people's things, eating from someone else's refrigerator? Apart from a feeling of disgust, he does not evoke anything in the soul with his such uncleanliness. You definitely need to see a good psychotherapist and be sure to trodden the path to the temple. You need a good experienced priest, patristic literature. Open the “Tradition” website and find there the book by Archimandrite John Krestyankin “Letters to Spiritual Children.” Read carefully and you will find all the answers to your questions. Then the running in circles will end, and the light at the end of the tunnel will shine. This time is given to us for spiritual growth. So we will grow, we will bring more good deeds to the piggy bank.

Lady O, age: 55 / 06/12/2012

Dear Lenochka! Don't be sad, everything passes. And the first will be last, and last ones first. This is the law. But to become the first, you need to move forward, and not stagnate. It's difficult, but try.
And just beautiful sad poems for you, for all of us who were abandoned without explaining the reasons...
One day you will realize that you have lost me.
One day you'll wake up alone
In a dream, seeing me cry,
And suddenly you realize how cruel you were.
Then you will understand who you lost,
You will understand that look, uncontrollably sad.
See who you were and who you have become
The hero of the novels is stylish and impudent,
And I wanted a little warmth.
I just wanted to be next to you.
But one day I realized
That your gaze was the sweetest poison.
You couldn't stand it alone,
You wanted to be in first place
And at this time he was quietly going to the bottom,
Losing everyone you were once with.
Your eyes look sullenly at the point
And in the thoughts of loneliness there is a break,
You plucked flowers of someone else's love,
Having never tasted the poison of berries,
You lost me, your luck.
In fact, they never recognized me.
And then one day you will cry quietly
With the same tears as me...

Natasha, age: 48 / 06/12/2012

Lena, you now have a wonderful opportunity to turn and attach yourself to God!!! This is the most important and wonderful gift you can give yourself!!! Don’t miss this opportunity, start regularly attending Church, getting to know the Lord, discovering YOUR NEW and REAL SELF.

It’s actually very easy to be happy, you just need to sincerely believe in God and grow in Him! Everything else that is prepared for you will begin to enter your life and it will be filled with HAPPINESS, LIGHT and JOY.

Berginia, age: 29 / 06/12/2012

Helen! everything will pass, take my word for it, it’s better in silence, just like your husband left. I wrote my story on the site 3 months ago. My BM left silently, I didn’t understand, I asked questions, I wanted to find out and... I found out literally 10 minutes ago, everything inside and out. I LEARNED THAT my hair was moving. How I regret that I found out. Leave and let go! That's all, period. Sometimes it's better not to know anything. With God blessing!

Alena, age: 44 / 06/12/2012

Lena! There is no need to look for reasons for his “action”! I’ve already stopped doing this... You know, my husband and I had been together for 14 years, when he took me to the maternity hospital, I didn’t see him again and he didn’t explain anything to me. He simply did not let me home with the child without explaining anything. NOTHING! After so many years of living together, great love, pregnancy and the birth of a child, I didn’t hear anything from him... And then I found out that someone else was already living there, and he had been dating her for 2 years...
So, dear Elena, there is no need to look for a reason, there is no need to blame yourself, SUCH men simply do not deserve to be near us! Let them live their lives, and we will live OURS. God be their judge! Good luck, strength and patience!! And know that everything that is done is for the better!! I already understood this!!

Katerina, age: 31 / 06/12/2012

Elena, you are now gaining experience. This is a very difficult and long process. The path to life experience is not strewn with roses; moreover, sometimes you will not have to walk on the earth’s surface, but swim along the river of your own tears. But still move forward.
Until you accept this ENTIRE situation not only with your heart, but also with your mind, it will be difficult for you to think about it, these thoughts will try to destroy you. But the moment will come when you fully accept all reality WITHOUT beauty. And everything will change! Those same experiences will become your strength. Don't beat yourself up, just try to listen to yourself! Give yourself a helping hand and trust. Remember how mom did this as a child? She simply extended her hand, and you leaned on it - and your mother’s hand became your continuation? Now you are an adult woman - learn to help YOURSELF.
Only the one who left can answer your question “why did he leave”, but I’m not sure that he can either. One thing is for sure: he can say something, justifying himself. But is this important to you now? Try to look at the past from a third person, try to step back. What do you see? healthy married woman is married, loves her husband, fulfills all the duties of a wife, but for some reason a family is not created. And there are no children. Why? So the reason is not you. He didn't have any serious plans. Moreover, he insured himself against serious plans by not wanting children in this marriage. These are his CONSCIOUS actions. They cannot be changed, it is his WILL. Therefore, leave this question “why” forever - the answer cannot be found.
At 32 years old, this situation is fixable and curable. What if you got such a blunt blow at 55?
I completely share the opinion of many who left comments that there are “fox tracks” here - it is quite obvious that there is another woman. IS AND WAS. And the husband simply stood at the switch of his fate and thought about the thought: with whom to stay. The choice has been made - he has to live with this choice. Don’t think, Elena, that in the life of a divorced man there is always a victory parade - no! This is just a prelude to a new round of problems. This is just a mirage of freedom without obligations. You can be a new lover for six months - then the role will be different: either serious or not at all.
Why don't you believe in the best outcome of your experiences? What new life have you been waiting for 1.5 years? Life goes by every second! You are so young, you can still do EVERYTHING. Just understand clearly: the loss of a man, who is a husband, IS EXPERIENCED!!!
Nobody is able to take an X-ray of the future, but we can analyze the past. The difference between a mistake and a surmountable difficulty is that a mistake cannot be corrected only at YOUR command, but from a difficulty you can extract experience, that same YOUR experience. And move on with your life. And don’t lose the meaning just because someone is stubbornly silent.

There is so much in you, the whole world is in you. It’s just that now you are confused and decided that EVERYTHING is over because of the departure of ONE person. THIS IS WRONG!!! One person is always smaller than the whole world - no matter how great and significant this person may seem to us!
Try to prove to yourself the opposite, try to understand that life is a CONTINUOUS streak, it cannot be stopped. Even moments of grief and despair carry an obligatory meaning - we understand this after 40 years, when life is just beginning. Try to “unfasten your hats” and “knit a sweater”: from all your doubts and grievances, create plans for another life, where these doubts will become the past, and you and your true values ​​will be the present. Start assembling yourself from your own particles. No one but you knows how to do this. And, I beg you, stop studying his silence - it is not worth your time.
Elena, do you see how many requests and answers there are? Hundreds. We all help each other from a distance. We interact and change. We believe and try to strengthen with our faith those who have not yet studied themselves and their strength. Join, don’t leave this site - there will definitely be results. All your doubts will burn away, but the warmth will remain - this will be the one new life, which you expect, this will be a new round of YOUR LOVE.
Love cannot be narrowed down to accepting just ONE person. Love is the essence and meaning.
Sometimes, during periods of despondency, I think: what is there at the turn of 50-60 years? And I read, read, read...
Understanding comes quickly: THERE is everything that we managed to collect in our lives. Therefore, the content is different for everyone. Depending on the actions that were committed by US. We are all collections of our own writings and our own mistakes.
Do you understand, Elena? When to be sad and despondent?
You still have a question: who did your husband leave so silently? Push! He left himself!
And escaping from oneself is always due to a sad reason - the contents do not get tired. But that's his problem.

With faith in your “internal preparations” and excellent results.

Nina Vishnevskaya, age: 42 / 06/13/2012

“Where is the sense of responsibility? Why did he refuse to talk to me? If I knew what the reason was, I could somehow process it.”

Elena, honey! If it really makes you feel better, just listen. I went through the same departure from my husband 4 years ago, and during this time I listened and re-read millions of stories, opinions of specialists and conclusions of people taught by life. Everything is really quite simple and unambiguous.
First of all, men never go anywhere. They are not psychologically adapted to this. In 99.9 percent of cases, they go to prepared soil, that is, to another. Yours is no exception. Secondly, think about what your conversation would look like? What would your ex-husband say to you? That he betrayed you, got someone else, and categorically leaves you for a new happy life, simultaneously trampling on all 10 years with you? That he is a scoundrel, a coward, a weakling? So, what is next? Khobotov’s howl in front of Margarita: “Let go, I love her”? Well, think about who is capable of this and for what?
Or, in the second version of the conversation, he would begin to lie something vague about “mismatch of interests”, “you don’t understand me”, “no support”, “wrong borscht” and other nonsense that women usually understand as hope for restoration and begin to furiously “correct”, although he does not need this at all. But he just needs a reason to leave, at any cost and preferably without useless conversations. Because for a woman, the normal state is “I understand everything with my mind, but I can’t do anything,” but for a man, on the contrary, if he has already decided something “with his mind,” then it is set in stone. True, at such moments men tend to mistake attraction for “smartness,” but this becomes clear only after about three years, not earlier...
So, Len, think about it... why and who would need such a conversation? One awkwardness. No one would prove anything to anyone, honestly. He left because he left for another and another life. New job, new car, new wife. Classic! What can he tell you? Just “You’re smart, you’ll understand everything yourself.” And in my version it was “you are strong, you can handle it.” He left and that was it. You have nothing to do with this, understand? It's his decision. Why are you trying to delve into his motives and his premises? Maybe he’s just ashamed, that’s why he has nothing to say, and you’re all waiting for something. You need to feel sorry for him for his weakness, forgive him and let him go with God! Someone else's soul is darkness, even of a person who was close. He decided that you were no longer close and let someone else into his heart. These are all his decisions. Then he goes to the left, and you go to the right. Cruel. But it happens. No need to delve into this. You are now free, and you need to think about yourself and your future life. A year and a half is not a long time. I needed four. Lena, you know, you can’t put a closet in the place where there’s already a closet. Throw away the ghost of the old closet at any cost and with a clear conscience. I wish you true happiness, for which there is finally a place.

Natalie, age: 36 / 06/13/2012

I would like to sincerely thank everyone who responded to my request. I re-read your answers, your warm, kind words several times a day, and it makes me feel better.
You are all very right: it is time for me to start living my life. For some reason I still can’t believe that my loved one was capable of betrayal...

Elena, age: 32 / 06/14/2012

Lena, hello!
I’m reading your story and I’m just taken aback! It feels like you are describing what happened to me. Everything is the same, from the first to the last word. It’s okay, we won’t give up, we will cope, we will still laugh at our experiences, looking at them from the heights of our new happy life!!!
So hang in there, my dear “friend in misfortune”... By the way, tomorrow we are going to officially file for divorce. May God give me and you patience and strength!!!

Nadezhda, age: 30 / 11/21/2012

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