Creating a new family is a serious and responsible step. Yesterday's romantic emotions are moving into the phase of adult relationships. People, having decided to go through life together, do not always suspect what family life is. Turning points are inherent in human nature, and if two lovers decide to build a life together, then conflicts and misunderstandings cannot be avoided. It's okay to quarrel, argue, solve problems. Crises in family life- a healthy natural phenomenon.

Let's be honest: family life itself is a kind of crisis. In a family, a person becomes responsible and dependent, learns to hear someone else's opinion, adapt to certain conditions, take into account the interests and habits of everyone - both infants and adults. Becoming a family, the couple "acquires" relatives, mutual acquaintances, anniversaries acquires its own traditions and rituals. This is something personal, unique - an important part of the life of every family. Family crises for strong relationships are just a stage that can go smoothly, unnoticed.

Problems of the first five-year plan: to be afraid of crises - not to marry

The crisis of the first year of marriage

The very first and most difficult family crisis is the first year of a relationship. Many marriages end during this period before they even begin. The secret is simple: going on dates with a loved one and living with him on the same territory are completely different things! Only a mature person is able to accept the habits, lifestyle, way of thinking of another person and adapt to life with him. Housekeeping, budgeting, making decisions, supporting each other, getting through trouble - this is learned in the first year. life together. If the level is passed successfully, with minimal losses, the pair moves on. The first crisis of family life is the case when the third is not given: either divorces or unites. Having accepted some of the “cockroaches” of your soul mate, you move to the next level: family life begins to please, the desire to compare disappears, a feeling of integrity appears. In speech, “we” appears instead of “I”, and life enters a new stage.

A family is two: learning to “work” in pairs

The crisis in the family comes from unresolved problems and patient silence. Despite the romantic connotation of relationships, many issues need to be brought up for discussion, not hushed up, not put off, feel free to talk about any aspects of family life that bring discomfort to your worldview. The crises of family life are moving forward, growing up, becoming, achieving understanding. People of different sexes, brought up in different families, must develop their own special mechanism of interaction, if it develops chaotically, then problems will begin later.

The crisis of three years of family life: what is the danger?

Behind several years of living together, many couples have a child and even two. The lion's share of attention, which once belonged to the spouse, goes to the baby. Caring for a child and working in an office are such different areas that the spouses have practically no common topics for conversation. You still want surprises, vivid emotions, fun and drive - everything that is characteristic of youth. It is at this moment that the crisis creeps up family relations. There is a feeling that the relationship has reached a dead end: everyone believes that his efforts are not appreciated. Attractiveness in the eyes of the spouse is lost, there is no strength and desire to change something. Even worse, if the spouses annoy each other so much that any communication ends in a scandal. The crisis years of family life are dangerous due to indifference, indifference, unwillingness to look for a way out. The financial sphere is usually added to the emotional sphere: lack of money, lack of own housing, loans, unsettled life.

It's time to understand: your spouse is not perfect, just like you - you need to accept his shortcomings, outlook on life, moral principles. Without acceptance - the continuation of the relationship - pain, resentment, constant negativity. Look for positive sides: what distinguishes the second half from others, support, keep silent, help, praise. A crisis in a relationship with a husband is an excellent opportunity for self-development. Small steps lead to big results.

Crises of a mature family: what to expect and how to deal with?

The notorious split of the seventh year: we leave without loss

Comparing all the crises in family life over the years, it is impossible to find universal remedy fight them. The most dangerous moment in the couple's relationship is coming - seven years of marriage. Problems, resentment, pain and indifference line up in an impenetrable barrier. The sexual attractiveness of the partner is reduced, there are practically no common interests. Contradictions arise in the upbringing of children, relations with relatives, everyday and material problems. Often comes the thought of an unsuccessful choice of a life partner. The life goals and aspirations of the spouses diverge. The desire to please disappears, monotony and monotony, seasoned with everyday life, kill the remaining passion and attraction. If the couple has maintained respect, then this stage will be passed relatively easily. The crisis in family relationships over the years is not a tragedy, but a reason to work on mistakes.

Crisis of fourteen years: wisdom must win

The crisis in relationships over the years does not always coincide with the real experience of the family, but a psychological breakdown happens at about the same time. There comes a period when the spouses are morally tired of each other. Grown up children enter a transitional age, the struggle for "independence" begins. The coordinated influence of parents will help to contain the storm and avoid problems. Sexual life is boring or non-existent. The second half is read like a boring book, every word of which is known in advance. Psychologists consider this period dangerous in terms of betrayal and strife on the basis of the "second youth" of the strong half of humanity. A woman is at the peak of her career, free from babies - overestimates her world, sees what she had not noticed before. A crisis is brewing in family relationships. It is during this period that spouses individually test their marriage for strength. However, the mistakes of this period can spoil the relationship irrevocably.

A crisis is a new step in an old relationship

Whatever crisis of family life breaks into your relationship over the years: be guided by wisdom and patience, and not by emotions and advice from friends. There is no justification for alcoholism and violence, in other cases it is worth fighting for the family. Life is impossible without conflicts, quarrels, insults... But if you feel joy when you return home, then everything was successful. Most marriages are built on respect, friendship, mutual care. A new marriage is a step into the unknown, a kind of lottery, a minefield. Perhaps old relationships will sparkle in a new way, if you make an effort, learn to forgive and be grateful.

After overcoming the crisis of 1-3 years, a period of development of the next one begins. Such is life: after solving some problems, new ones appear. You can’t wait for a lull in marriage and especially don’t count on it, because the joint life of two people requires constant work both on yourself and on relationships. After a certain amount of time spent in marriage, problems begin to arise between the spouses, which are combined into a cycle and called the crisis of 7 years.

Any problems in interpersonal relationships do not appear spontaneously, they always take time to mature. Therefore, the crisis of 7 years can begin after the fifth year of the family, and after a decade, depending on the particular perception of the spouses. There is a small list of classic problems and their solutions for this period.

1) Problem: Romance was swallowed up by life. This happens everywhere, rare families avoid this. After some time, the spouses stop making cute and pleasant surprises for each other, spend less time together, and even once - all free time absorbs life. It is very difficult to break out of it when you have been imposed obligations from all sides: you have to go to the store, and cook food for everyone, and clean the house, and nail the shelf, and prepare the child for school / kindergarten, and much, much more. There's no more romance here. Life becomes monotonous and monotonous, and the family plunges into gray everyday life, devoid of colors.

Solution: Remember that life is life, you can’t run away from it, it will catch up with you, but you need to work on romantic moods. Include entertainment in your budget planning, going to the cinema or a restaurant, picnics in nature, plan a trip to the sea for two. Let's fight back against everyday life!

2) Problem: Everyday life, monotony and lack of romance drag along another difficult problem - the lack of feelings. The couple are so accustomed to living together that they begin to perceive each other not as lovers, but as family members. You know, that feeling when you realize that you have a dear person in front of you, but you no longer feel passion in his direction. At such moments, it begins to seem that love has passed, and only the habit of being together remains.

Solution this problem lies in the man himself. Remember how you met your soulmate, how you spent time together. Remember your first date, try to recreate in yourself that gamut of delight and chirping feeling when you were next to your loved one. And when you remember this, you will again want to evoke the same feelings in your partner. If you try to please your spouse, you will begin to perceive him in a different light.

3) Problem: All previous problems result in one of the most common causes for divorce - problems in intimate life. Spouses get bored, they are stuck in everyday life and monotony, and the partner no longer evokes those bright and strong feelings. Usually, because of this, one of the partners “goes to the left” in search of emotions and new experiences. Of course, this does not affect marriage in the best way.

Solution: You know each other better than anyone else, you know all the "secret points" and signals, you know how to deliver and get the highest pleasure. After all, there are special films and books with erotic content, shops for lingerie and various "tricks" with which you can revive intimate relationships.

4) Problem: Unfulfilled expectations. Each of us has certain expectations from marriage, requirements, dreams and goals that you want to achieve together with your spouse. For example, you wanted to re-play a luxurious wedding for the fifth anniversary, but now the long-awaited time has passed, but there is no money. Maybe enough for a restaurant, that's all.

Solution this problem lies in joint efforts. Spouses should support each other in all endeavors. Loving people try to have a pleasant and beneficial microclimate in the family, and if you demand perfectly nailed shelves, and in return you are not ready to cook your husband’s favorite borscht, then be prepared that the shelves will never appear in your family. And sometimes it happens that the goals of the spouses differ. For example, a wife wants a luxurious vacation at an expensive and prestigious resort, sunbathing in a hammock with a glass of "Sex on the Beach" in her hands, and her husband wants to go fishing on Lake Baikal. There is only one way out: sit down and discuss options for a joint holiday, such that you can lie on the beach and catch a fish. Yes, both parties will have to make concessions, but a joint vacation should bring pleasure to each participant.

Dear spouses, 7-10 years of marriage is a long time for a relationship. During this time, you became really close, got to know each other from different sides. And only in your power to preserve and increase family happiness!

Sofia Kiper, Psychologist

Almost all couples go through the same stages of life together. Passion, tenderness, boredom, rejection and other “turns” of family relationships are familiar firsthand to everyone who has been married for at least 15 years. And, of course, any married couple goes through many typical crises during their life together. First, it is a crisis of 3, then - 7, later - a crisis of relations for 10 years. Here we will now dwell on the latter in more detail.

What is a 10 year relationship crisis?

A similar crisis, as the name implies, is experienced by couples who have been married for more than 10 years. In such families, as a rule, there are already children, and mutual grinding at the household level took place a long time ago. A feature of the relationship crisis of 10 years is that it is caused and aggravated by a midlife crisis in one or both spouses.

Dissatisfaction with one's own life, the feeling that the family is taking away precious freedom and energy that could be channeled into a business or creative direction, the need to engage in uninteresting but profitable work.

Such thoughts slip through the vast majority of people during a midlife crisis.

Various other difficulties can only aggravate the situation. For example, the appearance of a child, if the family was childless until then, can also provoke the emergence of a crisis in family relations for 10 years.

Changes in the usual way of life lead to it, stress caused by completely new roles for spouses. After all, before the couple lived according to the role scheme "husband - wife", now these roles have also been supplemented by the roles of "mom - dad", which also need to get used to.

The growing up of children and their transitional age can also cause a family crisis. Disagreements between spouses caused by different views on the upbringing of an almost adult person, i.e. their teenage child, often provoke conflict situations.

Paradoxical as it may seem, but the improvement of the financial situation affects relations in the family no less than its deterioration. The husband begins to think that since he began to earn much more than before, then he can demand more from the family, respectively. As a rule, such an improvement in living conditions is associated with constant fatigue of one of the spouses, most often the husband. And, of course, now he has no time for any joint holidays, remembering family dates and other, in his opinion, nonsense. Women, on the other hand, are very sensitive to such things. They are very angry that some business partners, investors and other nonsense, already in her opinion, are more important for a husband than his own wife, the mother of his child.

Signs of a relationship crisis 10 years

Among the main signs of a crisis in family relations for 10 years, the following should be highlighted:

• indifference of spouses towards each other.

It can be both mutual coolness in a relationship, and one-sided. In the event that the fading of feelings occurs in both partners, almost nothing can be done. Unless one of them over time reconsiders his views and begins to act in the direction of resuming the old relationship. But, as a rule, before this happens, many couples simply have time to break up;

• unwillingness to understand each other and make mutual concessions.

Anyone more or less controversial issue becomes a scandal. Anything can serve as food for him, from raising children or some kind of material difficulties to minor household problems. And if a married couple started repairs during this period in order to somehow renew their feelings in a new environment, then an immense scope of reasons for quarrels and scandals opens up. But, if the spouses do not divorce at the stage of the repair begun, we can assume that the crisis of 10 years has been successfully overcome;

• there are situations when spouses, on the contrary, it seems that they always go towards each other.

What they only do is trample on their own opinion for the sake of the partner’s opinion, and he does not appreciate it at all and does not notice it. This is also one of the varieties of unwillingness to understand each other, only hidden under the mask of feigned altruism;

• almost complete lack of intimacy.

In this case, everything is clear: the spouses cannot see each other, there can be no talk of any sex.

It should be noted that for some families, such crises of 10 years become not only a good test of strength, but also an excellent way to unite and renew feelings. Some spouses look through their fingers at the fact that their halves have someone on the side during this period. Often, of course, almost all of this is indifferent to them. But sometimes they really understand the needs of a loved one for at least some variety and new sensations.

As practice shows, a large number of men who had a mistress during this period return to the family after a while. Some do this because they feel the approaching old age, and the wife is the person who knows perfectly well what he needs. After all, the wife already knows exactly how many spoons of sugar to put in his tea and what pieces to cut the potatoes. For others, the mistress was just a passing fad, and, comparing her with his wife, men make a choice in favor of the latter. Children in this situation also play an important role.

How to overcome the crisis of 10 years?

If you feel that your spouse is starting to cool off on you, and you do not want it, there are several possible options. further development events.

First, try to talk seriously about everything. Without breaking into a scream, without tantrums, and at the same time, without letting your partner scream (which is also very predictable).

Stock up on patience. Even if it seems that everything has already collapsed and nothing can be returned back, remember that everything changes. You are changing, and everything around you is changing.

Naturally, your husband is no longer the same as you loved him. And you are no longer the same as you used to be. Just try to wait and survive this period with the least loss for both of you.

Don't try to keep your spouse with another child. As a rule, this does not work or works, but to a completely insufficient extent. Yes, the spouse can stay with you for some more time, but there is no guarantee that at least a glimpse of past feelings will return to him. After all, he has not yet completely forgotten what problems and difficulties the upbringing of small children involves in order to once again experience this during his own crisis.

We must not forget that each of the spouses should have their own personal living space. A place where he can be alone with his thoughts and feelings. If there is no such space, then this may be another factor in favor of breaking off relations. Because if it was not possible to create a place to relax in your own home, then it must be created somewhere on the side.

One of the most effective ways to overcome the crisis of 10 years is the desire to go beyond the established, stereotypical behavior. Don't be afraid to look stupid in front of your spouse if you ask him to take you to ballroom dancing or horseback riding. Yes, he will most likely begin to deny and demand that you do not pester him with such nonsense. Try to convince him that in order to maintain your relationship and bring at least some variety to your life, such events are simply necessary.

By the way, intimate toys and an attempt to bring novelty to your sex life can also be the first step towards overcoming the crisis of 10 years.

If you absolutely cannot find any common ground with your partner, try contacting a family psychologist. Believe me, qualified outside help never hurts. And do not think that some stranger will delve into your personal affairs. This "stranger" will try to save your family by pointing out possible mistakes and allowing you to correct them in time before they develop into something more fatal for your family relationships.

Author of the article “Relationship Crisis 10 Years”

Not so long ago, you doted on each other, but today you feel a wave of irritation. Eyes stubbornly looking for flaws, obsessing over them without noticing good qualities. What is it, where did the happy marriage go? Has love gone? Psychologists believe that every family at a certain stage of their life together is going through a marriage crisis and those who leave it with dignity move to a new level of family relations.

Marriage Crisis: Finding Problems

At the heart of the turning point in family life is always the development of relationships. Therefore, most often it is not easy to find the causes of a family crisis, because what prevents one couple from moving on, becoming a stumbling block, the other, on the contrary, helps in overcoming difficulties.

What are the symptoms of a relationship crisis?

Problems in marriage do not arise from scratch, most often they are the result of everyday life and the influence of seemingly trifles. Wedding.ws offers to consider the main alarm bells signaling the beginning of a family crisis:

• Absence or, conversely, a large number of conflicts- Are you tired of quarrels in the house, or maybe a complete calm in family relationships is starting to alarm? Think about it, because this is, with no small probability, the first sign of a crisis in marriage.
• Blaming each other for everything- constant search for the guilty, unwillingness to hear an opinion opposite to yours.
• Too much autonomy pulling the blanket over himself, one of the partners strives to solve all issues in his own way, not taking into account the interests of the other.
• obsession - discussion of the same problems “to holes” or lack of communication in the family.
• Cross on personal development for the sake of the family a woman turns into a boring housewife, forgetting about herself and devoting her life to her husband and children.
• Workaholism - a man prefers to spend his evenings at work, ignoring loved ones. Usually, an unsuccessful experience pushes him to such an act - he could not assert himself in the family.
• Lack of intimate life - one of the partners constantly avoids sex.

Family crisis: types and characteristics

There is a concept of the most explosive family ages that can affect the quality of marriage or even become reasons for divorce. Let's take a closer look:

The crisis is coming: what to do?

Regardless of how many years you have been married - a year or 20, it is important to understand that any crisis in marriage gives spouses a chance to reach a new level of family relationships. The turning point in the life of a couple is the driving force behind the development of the family. Feel free to say “no” to depression, and our wedding.ws portal will be happy to share with you the secrets of a long and happy family life. What can you do? Answers to main question see below:

1. Support. Maximum participation in the partner's problems that have arisen can melt the ice between spouses.
2. Hear and understand. Silence destroys families, so if you don't understand something, ask. Talk about your feelings, because communication is the foundation of a family. Do not leave your partner alone with your thoughts, be interested.
3. Do not require. Let the person cool down during the turning point, don't insist now and this very minute.
4. Don't sacrifice yourself. This kind of concession will only aggravate your situation. Do not forget about yourself, completely dissolving in your loved one.
5. Don't escalate when you're depressed. Believe me, in such a difficult situation, this will not play into your hands. Please note that most often depression is a consequence of a boring and ordinary lifestyle.
6. Put yourself in the partner's shoes. Learn to assess the situation from both sides.
7. Have your personal space. To do this, it is not at all necessary to run away from home, just each family member should have a place of solitude.
8. Do not accumulate secret grievances. It is better to quarrel, psychologists say, rather than remain silent about the problems that have arisen. The ability not to turn a quarrel into a scandal will allow you to sort things out and move on without hidden grief.

When deciding to marry, the newlyweds hope for a life together in which love and mutual understanding will reign. However, leading experts in the field of family relations argue that every fourth married couple in Russia divorces, unable to withstand the burden of family problems, called a crisis.

As the main cause of the marital crisis, psychologists identify the marital compatibility of partners. " Did not get along”, is a familiar phrase that is often put forward as a reason for divorce.

There are 4 aspects of marital compatibility responsible for the well-being and stability of the family union:

• Spiritual Compatibility based on the consistency of values, needs, attitudes and interests. Agree, it is difficult to live together when your hobbies are criticized by your spouse.
• Family and household compatibility, characterized by a feature of the ideas of each of their spouses about the distribution of responsibilities. An example of a conflict: a spouse does not want to help his wife with the housework, believing that the household side of marriage should be completely on the shoulders of a woman
• personal compatibility expressed in the characteristics of the character and temperament of each of the spouses. For example, a husband loves an active lifestyle, and a wife loves a calm, measured life within the walls of her home. Sooner or later, such a couple cannot avoid conflicts.
• Physiological compatibility.

According to experts who study family relationships, the compatibility of spouses is not achieved immediately (and not always, unfortunately). Psychologists notice that happy families differ from others not in the absence of compatibility conflicts, but in their willingness to prevent or resolve them.

Attention to the partner - this is what happy marriages are based on, who have lived with each other for 15, 30, 45 years ...

To prevent an emerging crisis in the family (or try to resolve an existing one), try the following tips from psychologists and social workers:

It is customary to talk about the existence of several stages of a marriage crisis: 3 years of marriage, 7 years of marriage, 10 years of marriage, etc.

In fact, this gradation is just a convention that you may bypass. Every family has problems, even the most cloudless in appearance.

Try to treat marriage not as a series of troubles that you meet along the way, but as an exciting journey that will certainly unite you and your husband.

Source:
The crisis of family relations
In Russia, every fourth married couple gets divorced, unable to withstand the burden of family problems. How to save a family and not fall into the zone of divorce risk?
http://relonia.ru/krizis-semeynyh-otnosheniy/

Ideal families do not exist. No matter how hard people try to believe in eternal love and no matter how they take an oath of allegiance, even the sky is never cloudless. This means that quarrels, grinding and discord in married life are almost inevitable. But it’s one thing to expect another black streak in a relationship with horror, and it’s quite another to know about the patterns of living together and be able to smooth out conflicts even before they appear. That is why the topic of family crises will never lose its relevance.

As one proverb says: he who is armed is forewarned. Family life is not always predictable, but knowledge of the psychology of relationships has already saved many couples and it is difficult to argue with this fact. The waves that the ship of family life encounters are very different. Initially, entering into an alliance, two different people are doomed to addiction, grinding, minor and major disagreements and upholding their opinions and interests. These nuances are superimposed by the birth of children, growing up, living conditions and quality of life, and other other reasons due to which a marital crisis may occur. That is why it is important to know what to be prepared for and why certain periods of life together can become problematic. So, according to most psychologists and according to statistics, the crises of family life over the years look like this.

This period is characterized by the young spouses getting used to a friend, to the features and habits, as well as behavior in everyday life. The lapping begins, during which the former feelings are no longer so bright, which often frightens the couple. In addition, mutual reproaches and quarrels begin, as the ideas and standards of family life begin to collapse and turn out to be not at all what the spouses imagined.

What to do? To survive this period more or less smoothly, the spouses must learn to distribute responsibilities among themselves, make decisions together and try to compromise in any disputes.

Three years later, the spouses begin to depend on each other and do their best to change something in their lives. Some start communicating with old acquaintances, others try to change jobs, and so on. Also, the crisis of family life, when it turns 3 years old, is characterized by the fact that most couples have children. Not everyone reacts equally to the responsibility that falls on their shoulders. Mothers, completely absorbed by their children, accuse their husbands of inattention and lack of care, and they, in turn, feel superfluous and not needed.

What to do? So that the relationship does not deteriorate, during this period it is important to preserve yourself as the person that your soulmate once liked. When it comes to raising a joint child, you need to learn to trust each other in this difficult process and at the same time not to forget that in addition to the child there are still feelings and do something nice for each other.

Having lived together for a certain number of years, and having established a life, the partners begin to cool down to each other. To a greater extent, this applies to men for whom the body of the spouse is already considered a read book, or they complain that the relationship has lost its former romance. Happens at this time the largest number betrayals that allow spouses to feel their former passion again. There is also a period of career growth for women who have been at home for a long time with a child. Emotional upsurge and the desire to change everything do not coincide with the aspirations of a man, which can lead to disastrous consequences.

What to do? In this situation, each of the partners must decide not to play a race to see who earns more than anyone or makes a career. The best way out of the crisis may be the freedom of choice given by the spouses to each other, i.е. life according to the principle: "If you want to possess, let go." Returning old feelings is not the best idea. It is better to update them with a joint vacation or romantic home evenings.

This also includes the crisis of family life at 12 and 13 years old. It would seem that after long time nothing can shake the family way. However, during this period, each of the spouses begins a personal midlife crisis, forcing them to look back and evaluate what has been done in life. Many are afraid that there is too little time left and that they need to start life from scratch. This is the second acute moment, in which, in the pursuit of youth, the spouses begin to cool off towards each other and change.

What to do? At the moment of the onset of personal introspection, there is no need to go into yourself. It is better to solve these problems and life claims together. It is important for spouses to become even more support for each other than before. For 10-13 years it is difficult to maintain passion, but becoming true friends and not quarreling over trifles is a completely doable task.

It is characteristic that the period of the “empty nest” begins with the spouses - the children have grown up and scatter around, and if only they kept the family together, then a crack may occur in the marriage.

What to do? It is important for spouses to remember that the departure of children from home is a great opportunity to start a relationship anew, as it was in youth. As for intimate relationships, it is quite possible to try something new and experimental in bed. And to save good relations it is enough to treat your partner with tenderness and attention.

In addition to the above, there are so-called abnormal family crises. They are associated with personal psychological problems an individual person. For example, if he has not matured as a person, has mental trauma, etc. At this moment, such a person needs help and support from a partner. Or, in extreme cases, the help of a psychologist.

In any case, knowing that difficult moments can occur during certain periods of life together, you should be prepared for them. As soon as the feeling of another crisis comes, you need to gather strength and transfer relations in a new direction. Remember that love does not go away with age. It changes and allows spouses to make new discoveries in relationships.

Source:
Crises of family life by years
Ideal families do not exist. No matter how hard people try to believe in eternal love and no matter how they take an oath of allegiance, even the sky is never cloudless. And that means quarrels, grinding and discord in
http://womanadvice.ru/krizisy-semeynoy-zhizni-po-godam

Psychology: crises of family life

You have not talked heart to heart with your spouse/goy for a long time. What to talk about? Everything has been known for a long time, and the answers are discounted in advance. You do not expect anything from a fading union, stuck at a difficult crossroads that many families have to go through. When there is a crisis in family relationships, the main task becomes a peaceful exit from the impending tsunami and the preservation of the family. Not everyone manages to get out safe and sound, but those who decide to launch an upgrade of family happiness are given a chance to regain their former quivering feelings and bypass the underwater reef of family life.

Psychology has long singled out family crises as a special stage in the development of relationships. A crisis in a family is an exit to the crest of a wave, overcoming which the family will either break up or move to another radically new level, building a common future. In a difficult period, spouses must appreciate each other and adapt to changes. But this will require a lot of effort on both sides of the conflict. Let's try to understand a difficult topic: "family crises: causes, chronology, solutions."

The period between loving people mutual understanding disappears, occurs in all couples without exception and is characteristic of transitional life moments. In psychology, there are two main principles for classifying such periods. The main and generally accepted - by years. But there is a second one, in which the distribution takes place based on significant events. The second principle focuses on the events that cause the crisis.

Considering the family crisis over the years, we get some magic numbers that elevate situations to the rank of rules. How to bring a family boat into the sea of ​​love, when being next to your soul mate is joyful and good, and not familiar and boring?

A crisis in a relationship should not be expected with fear, but when it occurs, hope that this is a one-act phenomenon that will not happen again. The life of every person, like the joint life of two spouses, is full of periods and events with critical consequences. A married couple goes through about five transitional states, which become crisis for the family. Crises in relationships, their periods change, as the experience of a couple's life together changes. And each has its own characteristics.

Relationship crisis in the first year of family life

Dividing the crisis in family relations over the years, the first crisis that occurs immediately after the completion of a special form of communication - meetings, is considered decisive. 90% of spouses separate in the first year of life together because of the hardships of ordinary, economic problems.

Hidden traits of character, which are behind a reliable veil of visible and familiar well-being, are suddenly revealed in an attempt to arrange a joint life. The negative qualities of the second half are revealed, and the spouses begin to express dissatisfaction, try to change their chosen one.

Most often, a crisis in a young family occurs six months after Mendelssohn's march has resounded, but it happens that a married couple enters a crisis period immediately after marriage and difficulties do not leave the young family for the next year. A wife, for example, notices that her husband grinds his teeth in his sleep, and at home he walks only in old, untidy things, and his love for poetry and classical music degenerates into many hours of sitting in front of a computer monitor. Spouses seem to take off the masks that they wore during the romantic time.

The husband may be angry that the dishes after dinner are left in the sink until the morning, and the wife in the evenings applies eerily useful masks to her face. Spouses are forced in the first year to go through a difficult "grinding" of characters and find compromises in seemingly categorical things. A calm discussion of contradictions and claims will help develop new rules in the family, avoid dissonance.

How to overcome the first crisis in family relationships?

In a crisis period, you can’t lock yourself up and wait for it to somehow resolve itself. We need to have a dialogue, to discuss what is sore. Only in conversations can you recognize your soulmate and take a position that is alien to you. Starting a family does not mean breaking each other or starting to re-educate. The family is needed primarily for enrichment inner peace each of the spouses, self-development, joint upbringing of children, creation of a strong foundation from common goals.

The life of spouses cannot consist of holidays and positive events alone. Faced with obstacles along the way, relationships develop, and the family becomes stronger. Life should not bring only joy and euphoria, and one must follow the oath: "to be together, in sorrow and in joy."

All forces - to fight the crisis or preventive measures

1. spouses must accept a soul mate with all the advantages and disadvantages;
2. not to become a copy of your parents and not to transfer the stereotype of behavior of familiar families to your family;
3. arrange regular dates outside the home;
4. constantly work on creating their own family traditions;
5. delegate household responsibilities between households, and not try to do everything on your own.

The crisis of 3 years in a relationship is considered the most difficult for a couple. Its onset is due to the coincidence of several factors at once. It is difficult for spouses to run a household together and the emergence of financial problems becomes a problem point. A break in the personal growth of one of the spouses leads to negativity in the relationship, and any little things lead to serious disagreements: who washes the dishes, who reads fairy tales to a child, what wallpaper is better to buy in the bedroom.

1. Yield! Your soulmate should feel like the one and only, because that's how it was when you fell in love with each other! The role of parents, which falls during this period, exacerbates the situation and becomes a litmus test for the family, testing the strength of the relationship.
2. You don’t need to be too emotional about the shortcomings of your soulmate: you are not together to engage in re-education. Honest conversations will help build relationships. Criticism, claims, ultimatums, say a firm "no". Even if they help you achieve your goal once, then in the future you will definitely encounter opposition.
3. The family forces you to constantly work on relationships. And is it difficult? Say thank you to your wife for a delicious dinner, for ironed shirts, pamper your husband with your favorite beer once a week, just enjoy the moment spent together.
4. Learn to forgive and not hold on to the burden of past grievances.
5. Return romance to relationships by visiting museums, theaters, exhibitions, arranging candlelight dinners from time to time. Usually the family spends a lot of time watching TV, forgetting about other, more interesting ways to spend leisure time together. By adding variety to the usual and boring life, you will refresh your feelings and return warmth to the relationship.
6. Look at yourself through the eyes of others and evaluate your own appearance. Try to please your soul mate again with a new haircut, bright and neat home clothes.
7. Encroachment on the personal space of another person (husband, wife or children) should be taboo. Even if the spouses give all the time to the family, each of them should have time for themselves.
8. Over the years, passion and sexual desire becomes less and less in the marital bed. Therefore, the main rule is the diversity of relationships. Imagine and surprise each other!

The crisis of 5 years of family life comes when the baby grows up, and the mother returns to work after a long maternity leave. Now she has even more responsibilities, and she needs to be in time everywhere. The catastrophic lack of time affects the mental state: it seems that there is less and less strength, and everyday chores bring only disappointment from marriage ties. In such a situation, it would be right for the husband to take on part of the family responsibilities. If the wife prepares dinner, the husband must clear the table. Just helping to cut the bread and stack the clean plates is not enough.

According to scientists, within seven years there is a complete renewal of all body cells. So, if you have lived with a partner for seven years, then in front of you - new person. You will have to rebuild your relationship with him!

The crisis of family life for 7 years in psychology is called a crisis of monotony: there is no inspiration, feelings, but there is a habit and a whole list of duties. When it seems that there is nowhere to go further, the most difficult period begins. The need for fresh emotions and sensations rises to the surface. The husband finds a mistress, and is quite happy with the current situation: the usual home silence and grace from time to time can be diluted with romantic dates on the side. The wife approaches solving her problems differently: she is ready to leave her long-unloved husband and start life with a new admirer.

What to do when a relationship hits a crisis of 7 years? Rid family life of the routine, introducing as often as possible fresh notes and new ideas, not allowing family life to turn into a stagnant swamp. Let the husband begin to explore his wife again! Easy love and interest in a loved one can be maintained by taking up an original hobby, signing up for salsa or yoga, changing the image.

The crisis of family life for 10 years is experienced by couples whose children have already grown up and the grinding of characters is long behind. But the family begins to pass another test of strength: one of the spouses or both have a midlife crisis. There is dissatisfaction from uninteresting and orderly boring work, which takes all the time. The freedom that the spouses have been dreaming of since the first sleepless nights at the baby's bed never comes. The energy that I would like to direct to creativity or creation is becoming less and less.

Spouses have different views on the upbringing of adult children, which provokes conflict situations. By this time, the financial situation in the family may also change. His improvement also does not bring peace to the family, but becomes the cause of violent quarrels: who earned more, who owes whom and what now.

The fatigue of the spouses also affects the background of a noticeably improved financial situation. Now joint holidays and family celebrations for the husband become insignificant events that are not worth attention. Women, on the other hand, treat family traditions and rituals with special trepidation, therefore they take the husband’s indifference for a lack of love and warmth for the family and children.

Again, a frank conversation will come to the rescue. But without screams and tantrums from both sides. Even where almost everything is already destroyed, there is always an opportunity to change something. You just need to be patient and try to get through the difficult stage without loss.

Some women decide to have another child. But this is one of the worst solutions to the problem and will not return the old feelings, but will only add familiar and not yet forgotten problems and difficulties.

The family can overcome the crisis by doing something extraordinary. But sometimes spouses become so distant, so deep into their own problems, that they have neither the strength nor the desire to save the family. In such a situation, spouses should be ready to give each other freedom and let go to build another happy life.

In what cases can we talk about an approaching divorce?

• if one of the spouses takes a defensive position, regularly defending himself from the attacks of the second;
• if there are no limits to criticism and depreciation of one of the spouses;
• if the spouses cease to respect each other;
• if one of the spouses fenced off from the partner.

Such a family has no future and forces the spouses to master the art of divorce. But that is another story.

Psychology of family relations of wife and husband - crises

The 13th year of marriage, and the 14th, and the 25th can also be crisis. Each new round can end in divorce or go smoothly. Trying to ignore serious problems, we only aggravate the situation: the conflict freezes and relations, without passing the boundary line, lose the opportunity to polish themselves: the family does not develop and does not change.

Protect your family ship from cracks and holes, and don't let it go to the bottom. Let the family be the source of your positive emotions!